So tired.

[OverIt1976]

I'm laying in bed. 2:37pm. Just got fired from yet another shitty job. Too lazy to walk to living room to open laptop and type, so mobile phone it is. I've decided, after three attempts over the last 2 decades to do it, CTB, as it's called. Don't really care what friends (if I still have any), or family thinks. Well, there is a caveat. My mom and dad. In their late 70's. I was hoping to last long enough for them to be gone before I did it. But fuck everything. I dint want to hurt them, but I know this will. And all I can think about is who will take care of my dog. How fucked up is that? Worrying about my dog. I cry when I look at her, worried she will be shipped off to the pound, or euthanized by "family" who won't give a fuck. Just so tired.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also feel so tired, I understand feeling so tired of suffering in this existence. But anyway best wishes.

 

[OverIt1976]

I've decided on doing a video-note. I mean, I've been making videos and writing letters about this for so long I thought about doing a public Google Doc folder and put them in chronological order. I fear that if I do write my story here in SaSu, it will be way tl:dr.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I feel your pain. I'm am trying to outlive my parents as well. But ironically, I think they are living so long because of how good I take care of them. My father will be 84 this year. So I am in essence delaying my own death that I desire so badly.

 

[OverIt1976]

They've helped me out so much, that I just... I don't know... it might feel like they've wasted energy and resources on me only for me to have this ending.

 

[genoke]

Why is it fucked up to worry about your dog? That's what kept Gervais from killing himself in the show After Life, several times.

I am very grateful my parents died in their 60's and don't have to deal with any potential pain.

 

[OverIt1976]

I think besides my parents, I don't give any worries to anyone else. But, Annie is my baby girl. And she's the only anchor point to this life.