Good decision.
CTB is not a race
If I saw correctly, you wanted to hang yourself with your sweatshirt?
Maybe it's better that you didn't do it.
The SI probably wouldn't let you anyway.
You were very panicked.
If you can, give your mind some rest.
I know it's very difficult.
If you don't need to CTB any time soon, wait.
Of course, everyone's situation is different and not everyone can wait.
Sometimes there is no time to wait anymore.
I don't know you, so it's hard for me to say.
Whatever your future holds, I wish you the best of luck.