Tintypographer
I am done as of 4-21-2023. Somewhere I am no more
- Apr 29, 2020
- 470
In my town there is an annual festival that everyone prepared for. No one would miss it. It's become so important that people have to get on wait-lists to volunteer their time in specific jobs. Before one can be a "docent" or "greeter" one has to put in their time in "trash hauler" or ticket sales. I get physically nauseous about the hype, crowds and need to "raise awareness" about this sort of thing. I realize I'm the guy who hated homecominf, disliked pep rallies, has always hated celebrations and wishes much of this would just go away. What I dislike isn't the activity, it's the pressure to raise awareness, increase volunteerism, increase participation and make the activity a bigger festival of gluttony and alcohol than it already is. It gets me down that we couldn't have a massive "sit quietly in shaded spaces and read alone day" or a huge festival of "everyone chill out with their headphones on and don't spend any money" day.
I think my biggest down time about being a severe introvert has to do with the anger others have about my honesty:
I dislike both leadership service and engaging with people. I'm completely willing to volunteer for hours with a shovel or paint or data entry or picking up trash. I can do that all day long; I'll show up and dive right in. I have no desire to convince others to volunteer or to lead. In fact my honesty on this is "I'm ok if the activity dies for lack of volunteers as long as I don't have to lead or engage people." It's completely true. I was once recruited heavily to lead part of my kids PTA org. Being a veteran I said, "sure, I'll lead as long as I receive no recognition, do not have to recruit volunteers and I want to make sure that the piles of boxes, paperwork and supplies do not come to.my house"
The person was very very angry with my response. Those were the three key requirements and when she got mad at me for not doing my part I listed all my volunteer hours.
I admit I have a very nihilistic streak I'm life and I've learned that is just me. But I truly feel that if there isn't someone to volunteer for some leadership role then maybe the program isn't really that important. And I'm always impressed by "think of the children..." I was a child and all I wanted was to not go to big activities. I never wanted homecoming, never wanted to compete, never wanted festivals. I think it's ok that some people do.
I am the first to also admit the following is wrong of me. I hate it when people thank me. I dislike gratitude. One year I had a person angry at me because I refused to let them include me in a public thank you for volunteering. They seemed to derive joy from taking time at some award thing I didn't want to attend to acknowledge volunteers. I hate it. I am just a person who wants to serve and be invisible. I think my overriding view in life is lack of engagement. Not lack of productivity but lack of engagement.
My number one goal in dealing with sales reps is to completely avoid any personal knowledge. When I hear from them and they ask my name I say "I prefer to be anonymous" when they want to know my company's pain points i say "just tell me what you do and please don't contact back at all and I'll let you know in a direct message if I have any interest". This also pisses people off but it's the truth. I don't want to engage.
This is probably part of my suicidal nature.
I think my biggest down time about being a severe introvert has to do with the anger others have about my honesty:
I dislike both leadership service and engaging with people. I'm completely willing to volunteer for hours with a shovel or paint or data entry or picking up trash. I can do that all day long; I'll show up and dive right in. I have no desire to convince others to volunteer or to lead. In fact my honesty on this is "I'm ok if the activity dies for lack of volunteers as long as I don't have to lead or engage people." It's completely true. I was once recruited heavily to lead part of my kids PTA org. Being a veteran I said, "sure, I'll lead as long as I receive no recognition, do not have to recruit volunteers and I want to make sure that the piles of boxes, paperwork and supplies do not come to.my house"
The person was very very angry with my response. Those were the three key requirements and when she got mad at me for not doing my part I listed all my volunteer hours.
I admit I have a very nihilistic streak I'm life and I've learned that is just me. But I truly feel that if there isn't someone to volunteer for some leadership role then maybe the program isn't really that important. And I'm always impressed by "think of the children..." I was a child and all I wanted was to not go to big activities. I never wanted homecoming, never wanted to compete, never wanted festivals. I think it's ok that some people do.
I am the first to also admit the following is wrong of me. I hate it when people thank me. I dislike gratitude. One year I had a person angry at me because I refused to let them include me in a public thank you for volunteering. They seemed to derive joy from taking time at some award thing I didn't want to attend to acknowledge volunteers. I hate it. I am just a person who wants to serve and be invisible. I think my overriding view in life is lack of engagement. Not lack of productivity but lack of engagement.
My number one goal in dealing with sales reps is to completely avoid any personal knowledge. When I hear from them and they ask my name I say "I prefer to be anonymous" when they want to know my company's pain points i say "just tell me what you do and please don't contact back at all and I'll let you know in a direct message if I have any interest". This also pisses people off but it's the truth. I don't want to engage.
This is probably part of my suicidal nature.
