MMXX- dawn of the New Year! Holidays are over and my long awaited date approaches, night of the 3rd. I am fairly new to the forum and did not get a chance to get acquianted with many.
Without divulging my location, it is early morn here and I watched my 3rd last sunrise from my balcony. I am lucky that I get to watch both sunrise and sunset right from my balcony- have almost 225 deg view. I will be spending the next 2 days at the beach- where else (see my chosen name for this site)?! Everything is ready; I am at peace as I have reflected upon my life in the last month, during the holidays. My decision was made over many years of contemplation (6 yrs), not impulsively. So, I am ready.
I thank the moderators for letting me join this site, and I thank everyone who took the time to respond to my questions on my "N vs Nitrogen, which to use?" thread. I have had direct chats with some of you and I enjoyed our conversations, although it was for a very brief period. I thank everyone who read my various posts on other threads and responded.
However, I am saddened to see so many young people on this site. I am for right to choose, and am not the kind of person to ever impose my views or beliefs on others. But I do wish the younger people would take a closer look at their issues and give life a chance. I have never had any family or friends who offered any kind of support, even though I have excelled in everything I undertook in life. No matter how perfect I was, it was never enough to satisfy the people I met. It was tremendously stressful and disheartening. I often wondered why I was doing anything if no one cared. But in spite of many obstacles, I acheieved a lot all on my own. I look back at my younger self, the age of many posters here, and I see that I knew very little back then compared to what I know now about life. I am 60 yrs old, I see a lot of things I could have handled differently, if I just had a right mentor or someone who would have given me the right guidance. I have a few regrets about some decisions I made, which had I chosen a different path would have altered my life. But even without that, I had 60 yrs to experience and explore the world. I had a successful career, in spite of many hurdles. I have traveled all over the world, I have lived all over in the USA, in various places which allowed me to see life from other peoples' different perpectives. I have climbed 14,000 ft mountains, and dove 150 ft, the deepest allowed in recreation diving with one O2 tank. I swam with sharks, stingrays... you name it. So I have been lucky to see incredible sights in my life and have incredible experiences even though it wasn't easy. Every day was a struggle. But I have done it all and there is nothing left to do anymore, so it is time for me to say adieu in my own way.
I wish I could help some of the young kids here. I see that the society has failed the young- failed to offer them support, guidance and protection they need, and it saddens me tremendously. I dont have much time left but if any of the younger posters have any questions about how to overcome and go on, I am happy to answer them tonight when I return home.
I wish the young could see past what is brainwashed into us as to what makes one succesful or what is important in life. If you see past that, you might find the answers you seek. I spent most years in a big city amongst highly competitive and very successful people (success as defined by the society). Everything was measured by which Ivy league school one went to (I didn't), how much money you made, where do you vacation, how many homes and cars you have etc. One gets caught up with that and it diminishes life because no amount of money, power, prestige is enough. When I quit, left the big city and moved to the mountains and started hiking, quite late in my life, that is when I had an epiphany! Nature is the only true thing left on this Earth. Backpacking and hiking and seeing how people lived simply, in the mountains or the heartlands, and enjoyed their life was an awakening. I have always been non materialistic, hated owning stuff, but hiking in the mountains gave me clarity, although it came at a very late stage and was bit too late.
The point I am making to the young people here is that what you see on TV, Instagram etc is not necessarily the life- material things and instant gratification required to live a simple but happy life. There are also lot of vocations out there that will pay the bills, maybe won't make you rich, but will still enable one to have a happy life. It is all in the perspective. The less stressful jobs you take, maybe it won't pay you 6 figure salary, but might still enable you to lead a full life.
And no, one does not need college degree to be successful. Lot of entrepreuners dropped out of college- Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, many more. I personally know a woman who started as a secretary at a bank and over years made it as a Managing Director. I can tell you it wasn't easy for her. I know a guy who started as a car salesman and now owns his own car dealership. I know a woman, who I worked with, who quit her high paying job and went to art school, then got various low paying jobs at Sotheby's etc and now owns her own art gallery. Lot of successful CEO's, owners of businesses etc started with nothing and worked their way up. I can give you numerous examples. It really is about perseverance. Even I didn't see that when I was young and only saw all these succesful, beautiful people and believed that was the way it is supposed to be, especially since everyone I knew kept pounding it in my head. As a result, I made it harder for myself in many ways by constantly thinking I was a failure.
Having lived all over the USA, from coast to coast, in the heartland and in the moutains , I have seen people in all kinds of jobs. Here is one truth- only a few people are lucky enough to pursue professions they are passionate about where it doesn't feel like it is work. Most people get jobs to pay bills and support their families. IF you keep looking for Nirvana, you may never find it. I myself ended up in a job that paid a ton of money but was not my passion and I was miserable, even though I excelled in it. I hated the office politics and networking, which I was terrible at managing. But I used the money to pursue things that I was passionate about. I am not saying one has to make a ton of money. I have met Real Estate agents who wanted to be writers when they were young, but of course being successful as a writer is extremely difficult. So they got a job that paid them to support themselves, have a family and kids and they lead a perfectly happy life. I have seen people in various vocations- Nurses, teachers, construction workers, plumbers, chefs, bakery owners...you name it, who wanted to be muscians, painters, pro athletes, doctors or something else. One doesn't always get what one wants in life, but one can find a compromise that will allow at least a reasonable chance at experiencing life instead of calling it quits at 18, 20, 30 or even 40. That is such a young age, and there is a lot to see in the world and many lessons to learn in life. Einstein said when you stop learning then you are dead, I am paraphrasing. In my life, with all my struggles, I still focused on learning one new thing every year. It could be something quite simple but something I knew nothing about. Over years, I ended up learning a lot and now people who meet me are always amazed at how much I know about various things. It also proved to be something that distracted me from the daily struggles, a goal to fulfill every year so to speak.
I don't want to sound preachy. It is not my intention. It is hard to convey tone sometimes in writing vs. in person. I just wish some of the younger people perhaps try and find counselers, a friend, maybe a family member who cares. I know, from personal experience, that it is not always possible and I had to find inner fortitude and confidence to prevail on my own. It is not easy, in fact it is damn hard! But no one said life was easy or fair. That is my 2 cents worth!
Anyway, I thank everyone on this forum and the mods. I don't know how often I can log in between now and night of the 3rd. I plan to enjoy my last 3 days on this Earth without negative thoughts. I would have posted my Goodbye note I wrote to the world, but it has some content that might reveal my location, I would have to edit it. I don't want some busybody foiling my attempt. Plus, I don't think anyone would be interested! anyways LOL! It is a neutral note as I do not wish to depart spewing hate or sad cliches. It is unproductive at this point. People who know me already know the reason why, no need to belabor the point.
IF I don't log on by morn of the 4th, I am star dust!
I wish you all goodluck, and may your remaining days, years on this Earth be peaceful and happy.
Without divulging my location, it is early morn here and I watched my 3rd last sunrise from my balcony. I am lucky that I get to watch both sunrise and sunset right from my balcony- have almost 225 deg view. I will be spending the next 2 days at the beach- where else (see my chosen name for this site)?! Everything is ready; I am at peace as I have reflected upon my life in the last month, during the holidays. My decision was made over many years of contemplation (6 yrs), not impulsively. So, I am ready.
I thank the moderators for letting me join this site, and I thank everyone who took the time to respond to my questions on my "N vs Nitrogen, which to use?" thread. I have had direct chats with some of you and I enjoyed our conversations, although it was for a very brief period. I thank everyone who read my various posts on other threads and responded.
However, I am saddened to see so many young people on this site. I am for right to choose, and am not the kind of person to ever impose my views or beliefs on others. But I do wish the younger people would take a closer look at their issues and give life a chance. I have never had any family or friends who offered any kind of support, even though I have excelled in everything I undertook in life. No matter how perfect I was, it was never enough to satisfy the people I met. It was tremendously stressful and disheartening. I often wondered why I was doing anything if no one cared. But in spite of many obstacles, I acheieved a lot all on my own. I look back at my younger self, the age of many posters here, and I see that I knew very little back then compared to what I know now about life. I am 60 yrs old, I see a lot of things I could have handled differently, if I just had a right mentor or someone who would have given me the right guidance. I have a few regrets about some decisions I made, which had I chosen a different path would have altered my life. But even without that, I had 60 yrs to experience and explore the world. I had a successful career, in spite of many hurdles. I have traveled all over the world, I have lived all over in the USA, in various places which allowed me to see life from other peoples' different perpectives. I have climbed 14,000 ft mountains, and dove 150 ft, the deepest allowed in recreation diving with one O2 tank. I swam with sharks, stingrays... you name it. So I have been lucky to see incredible sights in my life and have incredible experiences even though it wasn't easy. Every day was a struggle. But I have done it all and there is nothing left to do anymore, so it is time for me to say adieu in my own way.
I wish I could help some of the young kids here. I see that the society has failed the young- failed to offer them support, guidance and protection they need, and it saddens me tremendously. I dont have much time left but if any of the younger posters have any questions about how to overcome and go on, I am happy to answer them tonight when I return home.
I wish the young could see past what is brainwashed into us as to what makes one succesful or what is important in life. If you see past that, you might find the answers you seek. I spent most years in a big city amongst highly competitive and very successful people (success as defined by the society). Everything was measured by which Ivy league school one went to (I didn't), how much money you made, where do you vacation, how many homes and cars you have etc. One gets caught up with that and it diminishes life because no amount of money, power, prestige is enough. When I quit, left the big city and moved to the mountains and started hiking, quite late in my life, that is when I had an epiphany! Nature is the only true thing left on this Earth. Backpacking and hiking and seeing how people lived simply, in the mountains or the heartlands, and enjoyed their life was an awakening. I have always been non materialistic, hated owning stuff, but hiking in the mountains gave me clarity, although it came at a very late stage and was bit too late.
The point I am making to the young people here is that what you see on TV, Instagram etc is not necessarily the life- material things and instant gratification required to live a simple but happy life. There are also lot of vocations out there that will pay the bills, maybe won't make you rich, but will still enable one to have a happy life. It is all in the perspective. The less stressful jobs you take, maybe it won't pay you 6 figure salary, but might still enable you to lead a full life.
And no, one does not need college degree to be successful. Lot of entrepreuners dropped out of college- Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, many more. I personally know a woman who started as a secretary at a bank and over years made it as a Managing Director. I can tell you it wasn't easy for her. I know a guy who started as a car salesman and now owns his own car dealership. I know a woman, who I worked with, who quit her high paying job and went to art school, then got various low paying jobs at Sotheby's etc and now owns her own art gallery. Lot of successful CEO's, owners of businesses etc started with nothing and worked their way up. I can give you numerous examples. It really is about perseverance. Even I didn't see that when I was young and only saw all these succesful, beautiful people and believed that was the way it is supposed to be, especially since everyone I knew kept pounding it in my head. As a result, I made it harder for myself in many ways by constantly thinking I was a failure.
Having lived all over the USA, from coast to coast, in the heartland and in the moutains , I have seen people in all kinds of jobs. Here is one truth- only a few people are lucky enough to pursue professions they are passionate about where it doesn't feel like it is work. Most people get jobs to pay bills and support their families. IF you keep looking for Nirvana, you may never find it. I myself ended up in a job that paid a ton of money but was not my passion and I was miserable, even though I excelled in it. I hated the office politics and networking, which I was terrible at managing. But I used the money to pursue things that I was passionate about. I am not saying one has to make a ton of money. I have met Real Estate agents who wanted to be writers when they were young, but of course being successful as a writer is extremely difficult. So they got a job that paid them to support themselves, have a family and kids and they lead a perfectly happy life. I have seen people in various vocations- Nurses, teachers, construction workers, plumbers, chefs, bakery owners...you name it, who wanted to be muscians, painters, pro athletes, doctors or something else. One doesn't always get what one wants in life, but one can find a compromise that will allow at least a reasonable chance at experiencing life instead of calling it quits at 18, 20, 30 or even 40. That is such a young age, and there is a lot to see in the world and many lessons to learn in life. Einstein said when you stop learning then you are dead, I am paraphrasing. In my life, with all my struggles, I still focused on learning one new thing every year. It could be something quite simple but something I knew nothing about. Over years, I ended up learning a lot and now people who meet me are always amazed at how much I know about various things. It also proved to be something that distracted me from the daily struggles, a goal to fulfill every year so to speak.
I don't want to sound preachy. It is not my intention. It is hard to convey tone sometimes in writing vs. in person. I just wish some of the younger people perhaps try and find counselers, a friend, maybe a family member who cares. I know, from personal experience, that it is not always possible and I had to find inner fortitude and confidence to prevail on my own. It is not easy, in fact it is damn hard! But no one said life was easy or fair. That is my 2 cents worth!
Anyway, I thank everyone on this forum and the mods. I don't know how often I can log in between now and night of the 3rd. I plan to enjoy my last 3 days on this Earth without negative thoughts. I would have posted my Goodbye note I wrote to the world, but it has some content that might reveal my location, I would have to edit it. I don't want some busybody foiling my attempt. Plus, I don't think anyone would be interested! anyways LOL! It is a neutral note as I do not wish to depart spewing hate or sad cliches. It is unproductive at this point. People who know me already know the reason why, no need to belabor the point.
IF I don't log on by morn of the 4th, I am star dust!
I wish you all goodluck, and may your remaining days, years on this Earth be peaceful and happy.
