So I've promised myself not to be hospitalized for a few months. A CTB method that is sure to work?

[Sadness20]

I've promised myself not to be hospitalized until a specific date. I've been fighting my urge to CTB so I won't be hospitalized. It's been so hard, I've been laying on the floor crying, one voice telling me to CTB the other one to not because it would fail again and I'd be hospitalized. I don't know what to do

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

It's so hard to be where you are. I feel your pain and I can relate.

For me, ctb feelings do not accumulate over time. They are more like a yes/no question: either I want to ctb or I'm cool to hang out for a while. Avoiding hospitalization would not make them "add up" for me. I don't know if it is like this for you.

You do not have to answer these questions, but they might help us help you: do you suffer with a mental illness? I am bipolar and the feelings you are describing are what I get in what's called a "mixed episode." They are very, very dangerous and suicide happens a lot for patients who have them.

Also, I am guessing you have been hospitalized before and it was not helpful. Are you in a place where you can choose your hospital? You might be able to find a better place this time if you need to go. Have you tried an intensive outpatient program or day treatment? I have found those to be more helpful than inpatient treatment.

Most importantly, do you want to die? Are you ready to exit this life completely? Is it you or just the voices in your head?

I think that's the best place to start. If you're not really ready and wanting to die, it's better to wait, even if the feelings are telling you otherwise.

Hang in there, and keep posting. We're here for you.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

I dont think there is any method that is 100% guaranteed, it's a case of choosing what is the best method for you. I cant commit suicide yet. My dad relies on me atm until he's had his hip hop. I tend to use the samaritans when I come close to the edge. If you make it clear you are phoning them to stop yourself they wont send anyone after you. Another thing you can so when you feel close to the edge is talk to us. We are a community of like minded people who all deal with these urges, we can help you feel less alone. I have somewhere a safety plan, which you can create to help yourself when the thoughts overwhelm you.
https://www.verywellmind.com/suicide-safety-plan-1067524. I dont use all aspects as I dont want anyone to know which is why I call the samaritans.

 

[Sadness20]

It's so hard to be where you are. I feel your pain and I can relate.

For me, ctb feelings do not accumulate over time. They are more like a yes/no question: either I want to ctb or I'm cool to hang out for a while. Avoiding hospitalization would not make them "add up" for me. I don't know if it is like this for you.

You do not have to answer these questions, but they might help us help you: do you suffer with a mental illness? I am bipolar and the feelings you are describing are what I get in what's called a "mixed episode." They are very, very dangerous and suicide happens a lot for patients who have them.

Also, I am guessing you have been hospitalized before and it was not helpful. Are you in a place where you can choose your hospital? You might be able to find a better place this time if you need to go. Have you tried an intensive outpatient program or day treatment? I have found those to be more helpful than inpatient treatment.

Most importantly, do you want to die? Are you ready to exit this life completely? Is it you or just the voices in your head?

I think that's the best place to start. If you're not really ready and wanting to die, it's better to wait, even if the feelings are telling you otherwise.

Hang in there, and keep posting. We're here for you.

I have an emotional instable personality disorder. Depression. ADD and a few other things. It's just so hard because I get these impulses and when these thoughts and feelings come, the only thing keeping me from doing it is being hospitalized. And it hurts so much to fight it and at some point I know that I will just give up

 

[hopelessgirl]

Sodium nitrite.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

I've just realised I've seen a few of your threads tonight. You have been coming up with some alarming and painful methods. I wouldn't recommend acting on anything right now...
The site rules say we cant advise you on methods, so unfortunately I'd recommend research. Please dont act without a firm plan in place as you wouldn't want to live with permanent damage.

 

[Sadness20]

I've just realised I've seen a few of your threads tonight. You have been coming up with some alarming and painful methods. I wouldn't recommend acting on anything right now...
The site rules say we cant advise you on methods, so unfortunately I'd recommend research. Please dont act without a firm plan in place as you wouldn't want to live with permanent damage.

I always act on impulses. I am in very hard emotional pain at least every 3 days. Life doesn't feel worth living alltogether but these days are the days when I could go through with killing myself. That's why I never have a good or rational plan

 

[Tackingintothewind]

Can you go on any medication to stabilise your emotions. I'm on mirtazapine which helps me. In Spain I was on lorazepam which helped me even more. I was I'm a very dark place emotionally then. The lorazepam practically made me high. I didnt forget the bad things but I simply didnt care about them, they couldn't touch me. If your country can prescribe lorazepam I'd recommend getting a supply of that to use on your bad days.

 

[Sadness20]

Can you go on any medication to stabilise your emotions. I'm on mirtazapine which helps me. In Spain I was on lorazepam which helped me even more. I was I'm a very dark place emotionally then. The lorazepam practically made me high. I didnt forget the bad things but I simply didnt care about them, they couldn't touch me. If your country can prescribe lorazepam I'd recommend getting a supply of that to use on your bad days.

I also get mirtazapine but it only makes me sleepy, I also get ritaline, lamictal, zeldox and like I said mirtazapine

 

[Tackingintothewind]

With mirtazapine what strength are you on? 45mg is less sleep inducing and more mood lifting than 30mg.

Try asking about lorazepam although if you are in the uk, they wont prescribe it. Lorazepam is much stronger than mirtazapine at lifting your mood. My housemate was the one who told me I was high and how he hadn't seen me that happy in many months. I haven't been that happy since I had my last lorazepam tablet. Amazing stuff. I miss it

 

[Sadness20]

With mirtazapine what strength are you on? 45mg is less sleep inducing and more mood lifting than 30mg.

Try asking about lorazepam although if you are in the uk, they wont prescribe it. Lorazepam is much stronger than mirtazapine at lifting your mood. My housemate was the one who told me I was high and how he hadn't seen me that happy in many months. I haven't been that happy since I had my last lorazepam tablet. Amazing stuff. I miss it

I only take 7,5 mg because if I take more it's so sleep inducing that I can't stand up the next morning because I'm a very slow metabolizer. Lamictal helps pretty good for me but I'll probably have to take a higher dosage for it to work better. I'll try sleeping for now. Thanks for your kind words

 

[Tackingintothewind]

I only take 7,5 mg because if I take more it's so sleep inducing that I can't stand up the next morning because I'm a very slow metabolizer. Lamictal helps pretty good for me but I'll probably have to take a higher dosage for it to work better. I'll try sleeping for now. Thanks for your kind words

Get them to raise the strength. I started on 15mg and that was pretty dam sleep inducing I was like a zombie for two weeks. 30mg is where mood helping really starts with mirtazapine and it's still low enough for me at least to help with sleep.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you are going through a lot. I can imagine it must be unbearable to be in so much pain. I'm sorry you are suffering. I wish you the best in whatever happens.