So is this life

[Suicidalman]

Hi, my name is Dan I am a 35year old virgin with paranoid schizophrenia and autism/asperges's syndrome. I live in England and attended a special needs educational school. I guess when I was in school I knew that I was a big fish in a small pond and that when school ended there was no way to go but out you know CTB. I knew that in college id be the little fish in a big pond and that school life hadn't prepared me for life on the outside. It was basically like this scene in the movie The Shawshank Redemption when the old lifer is told he's going to be let out and he can't survive on the outside of Prison and not long after his release he kills himself. That's how I have always felt but I hung on in there and attended college and as I thought it was shit It was unlike school in school I knew everyone around me and if anyone picked on me you knew who it was etc. But at college, I had people i have never seen before or knew the name of pick on me and it was hell, I eventually quit college and I had a breakdown and to be sectioned it turned out my parents weren't my biological parents and My biological mum and dad met on a psych ward and knew they couldn't look after me and ironically enough I was sectioned on the old mother and baby ward that I was born on. I lost contact with my friends from school whilst I was sectioned and when they finally let me go home after getting my medication right I started having nightmares about being tapped on the psych ward and being unable to leave. I can't get a job because my family say I'm on benefits and if I go off benefits to get a job and become tired from my medication or have another breakdown then I won't be able to claim again. I lost my adopted mum in 2014 she died in the night at home and then in 2021 my adopted dad went into hospital for a minor pain and caught Covid in hospital and suffered from long covid. He had a heart attack bought on by the stress of everything and we couldn't even say goodbye because of covid restrictions. My adoptive siblings are all older then me and keep telling me if I seek employment and lose my benefits we might lose the house. I feel like time keeps going and everyone I know from school via Facebook are getting married having kids and im just stuck on the sidelines alone and miserable.

 

[Sweet Tart]

So sorry about losing your dad, especially amidst covid restrictions.

I'm not familiar with disability and employment laws in the UK, but I can't imagine it's more draconian than in the US? Even here it is possible to retain benefits while employed (tho the amount can get adjusted, depending on income amount). The benefits administration here actually encourages recipients to work. Is there a social worker or someone who can give you solid info on this? It is really unfair of your adoptive siblings to pressure you not to work if it is something you want to do.

 

[Suicidalman]

Thanks. Iv been told my benefits are stable for the next 5 years but i feel like the older i get the less likely someone gonna hire me cos of no life experience.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

but i feel like the older i get the less likely someone gonna hire me cos of no life experience.

I definitely tend to agree with this. The older you get, the less they want you.

Something you said bothers (maybe that's not the right word) a bit.

My adoptive siblings are all older then me and keep telling me if I seek employment and lose my benefits we might lose the house.

Are you saying that your household is entirely dependent on what you get from your disability benefits (or whatever they call them in the UK)? Do the other members of your household work?

I'm sorry you lost your mom and dad. I know how that feels. People can be so cruel in this world and derive evil pleasure from belittling others that don't fit into their narrow views of what constitutes "normal". No one deserves that and I'm sorry you've had to go through that. I agree with @Sweet Tart in that you should get in contact with someone who can directly tell you about the ins and outs of your benefits. I hope you get all this sorted out.

 

[Suicidalman]

I definitely tend to agree with this. The older you get, the less they want you.

Something you said bothers (maybe that's not the right word) a bit.


Are you saying that your household is entirely dependent on what you get from your disability benefits (or whatever they call them in the UK)? Do the other members of your household work?

I'm sorry you lost your mom and dad. I know how that feels. People can be so cruel in this world and derive evil pleasure from belittling others that don't fit into their narrow views of what constitutes "normal". No one deserves that and I'm sorry you've had to go through that. I agree with @Sweet Tart in that you should get in contact with someone who can directly tell you about the ins and outs of your benefits. I hope you get all this sorted out.

no my brother lives with me (my other 2 sisters have there own families) and he has a job its just that if i didn't pay benefits he wouldn't be able to afford to keep the house on just hes wages.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

no my brother lives with me (my other 2 sisters have there own families) and he has a job its just that if i didn't pay benefits he wouldn't be able to afford to keep the house on just hes wages.

IC

 

[carac]

Have you thought about voluntary work, would it effect your benefit entitlement? It always something you can look at in the future as a stepping stone to work if you are worried

 

[CTB Dream]

V sry autism mntal illne v hard exp life strgl yea life v hard nvgt v cruel nobod care each ,v sry lose adpt prnt ur story rly sad rly lone

 

[Suicidalman]

Have you thought about voluntary work, would it effect your benefit entitlement? It always something you can look at in the future as a stepping stone to work if you are worried

Yea i do volunteer work but the people i work with are paid and they keep asking me why i dont get a paid job as i have been voluntrering there since 2015 but i keep telling them i cant. I mean do enjoy my volunteering its just i dont feel apriciated despite the fact im a good worker.

 

[carac]

Yea i do volunteer work but the people i work with are paid and they keep asking me why i dont get a paid job as i have been voluntrering there since 2015 but i keep telling them i cant. I mean do enjoy my volunteering its just i dont feel apriciated despite the fact im a good worker.

Well at least it's a good sign that you have been doing that, if things change in the future and you can get paid work, potential employers will look at that favourably. I think it's great that you want to work but I don't really know the circumstances around your family, the house and your legal entitlements. I would just suggest trying to do things that fit around that. Is it not possible for you to pursue a relationship try and get out and meet some people or even try to arrange some dating?

 

[shantyizlit]

I mean if you're on here I'm thinking you're at least contemplating ctb.
If you not being able to work really bothers you so much and is standing in the way of your recovery, then why not try and go for it regardless, if the alternative is ctb your brother can't use your benefits anyway when you're dead.

 

[Suicidalman]

BTW is there a thread that explains all the acronyms i keep seeing on the site I know CTB is catch the bus but what is SN and others?

 

[020x]

Can people even enjoy doing something when they're suffering with chronic illnesses? I only find myself happy when I'm distracted by things I love to do. Once I lose focus and think about life and my mental illness, it immediately ruins my mood until I'm distracted again. I'm dependent on xanax, because of that, because we unfortunately can't control our thoughts and fear.

 

[soontobedone]

Acronyms on here (for new users)

This is for new users on here. N stands for Nembutal. It's used in physician assisted suicide and to euthanize animals. You can find more information about it in the peaceful pill handbook. We aren't allowed to give personal information on people who have resources, so you'll have to also...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[peelingbananas]

V sry autism mntal illne v hard exp life strgl yea life v hard nvgt v cruel nobod care each ,v sry lose adpt prnt ur story rly sad rly lone

i feel the same :(

Hi, my name is Dan I am a 35year old virgin with paranoid schizophrenia and autism/asperges's syndrome. I live in England and attended a special needs educational school. I guess when I was in school I knew that I was a big fish in a small pond and that when school ended there was no way to go but out you know CTB. I knew that in college id be the little fish in a big pond and that school life hadn't prepared me for life on the outside. It was basically like this scene in the movie The Shawshank Redemption when the old lifer is told he's going to be let out and he can't survive on the outside of Prison and not long after his release he kills himself. That's how I have always felt but I hung on in there and attended college and as I thought it was shit It was unlike school in school I knew everyone around me and if anyone picked on me you knew who it was etc. But at college, I had people i have never seen before or knew the name of pick on me and it was hell, I eventually quit college and I had a breakdown and to be sectioned it turned out my parents weren't my biological parents and My biological mum and dad met on a psych ward and knew they couldn't look after me and ironically enough I was sectioned on the old mother and baby ward that I was born on. I lost contact with my friends from school whilst I was sectioned and when they finally let me go home after getting my medication right I started having nightmares about being tapped on the psych ward and being unable to leave. I can't get a job because my family say I'm on benefits and if I go off benefits to get a job and become tired from my medication or have another breakdown then I won't be able to claim again. I lost my adopted mum in 2014 she died in the night at home and then in 2021 my adopted dad went into hospital for a minor pain and caught Covid in hospital and suffered from long covid. He had a heart attack bought on by the stress of everything and we couldn't even say goodbye because of covid restrictions. My adoptive siblings are all older then me and keep telling me if I seek employment and lose my benefits we might lose the house. I feel like time keeps going and everyone I know from school via Facebook are getting married having kids and im just stuck on the sidelines alone and miserable.

this made me choke up, what a heartbreaking story. i'm really sorry for all the pain you've endured. i feel for you. do your adoptive siblings work?

 

[Suicidalman]

Yea they all work.

 

[LittleJem]

I'm also scared to work in case I can't work and lose benefits. I'm not fit to work at the moment but understand this fear held by your siblings.

Sorry for everything you have gone through

 

[peelingbananas]

Yea they all work.

are they putting stuff forward for the house too?

 

[Suicidalman]

Only my brother lives in the house with me and we share the bills.