So, I saw my psychiatrist today...

[LateForTheBus]

I always fill out the PHQ-9 form honestly, so we had to talk about my high score, depression, and suicidal thoughts. But I BS'd my way through the appointment, like I always do - saying I have no active thoughts of CTBing and no plan. I promised to call her if that changed. She has no idea that I don't plan to see the end of this week. This was my 3-month follow-up appointment, and I only went because not going might arouse suspicion. My doctor is actually a genuinely nice person. I'm sure she will look back at this appointment soon and wonder what signs she missed.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it's certainly for the best not to be open about plans to die, as it could very easily just make things worse in this anti suicide society where there is a lack of acceptance towards the right to die. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[StolenLife]

We came here without our consent and we should have a right to leave whenever we please. It's a good thing that you didn't tell her about your plans. It sucks that she might feel bad about your attempt but in the end your life is yours only and only you can decide if you've had enough. I wish you a peaceful and painless way to go.

 

[miu]

this was very sad to read, and i can only hope that you find the peace you long for. in the end, we are the ones who are responsible for our fate and i'm sure your docor will understand that despite her job - well, is about preventing these outcomes.

this made me especially gloomy because i'm going to see my therapist as well - in two days, and that might be our last meeting before i CTB and she doesn't have any idea at all. i might leave a note behind though describing my suicidal thoughts to her so that she can at least understand why i chose to do what i did.

i hope you find eternal peace. <3

 

[WorthlessCoward]

First time I hear about this PHQ-9 thingie, I got 22 points. Beat that top score if you can

 

[LateForTheBus]

To me it's certainly for the best not to be open about plans to die, as it could very easily just make things worse in this anti suicide society where there is a lack of acceptance towards the right to die. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

My score and "thoughts" have been the same for all 6 years that I've been seeing my psychiatrist and therapist. They've come to accept this is just how I always feel (although, admittedly, I did lie this time as to actually having a plan.) I don't worry about them trying to have me committed as they've had plenty of chances to do so, but I do understand your point. It can be a risky game to be honest about feeling suicidal.

We came here without our consent and we should have a right to leave whenever we please. It's a good thing that you didn't tell her about your plans. It sucks that she might feel bad about your attempt but in the end your life is yours only and only you can decide if you've had enough. I wish you a peaceful and painless way to go.

Yeah, I do feel a bit badly about the fact that she probably will feel guilty for not seeing the signs. But I've lived so long for others, and I can't let that stop me anymore. Thank you for your kind words. (Hugs)

this was very sad to read, and i can only hope that you find the peace you long for. in the end, we are the ones who are responsible for our fate and i'm sure your docor will understand that despite her job - well, is about preventing these outcomes.

this made me especially gloomy because i'm going to see my therapist as well - in two days, and that might be our last meeting before i CTB and she doesn't have any idea at all. i might leave a note behind though describing my suicidal thoughts to her so that she can at least understand why i chose to do what i did.

i hope you find eternal peace. <3

Aww, I'm sorry to have made you sad. We're all here for the same reasons, but sometimes, it takes having one person say something in just the right way that puts it all into perspective for you and makes it real. I know that's happened to me here a couple of times. I hope your therapy session goes well. And if it is indeed your last, I hope you have peace with that.

Thank you for your kindness. (Hugs)

First time I hear about this PHQ-9 thingie, I got 22 points. Beat that top score if you can

My psychiatrist and therapist are within the same hospital system, and I have to fill that damn thing out EVERY TIME I see either of them. My score is usually 21-23. Yesterday, it was 23. Glad I could introduce you to a little bit of my hell. Lol!

 

[BookPostponed]

>>>Masking the "how ive been" to people

i thought about this specific thing all day today like purposely leaving no signs so there's no intervention. People on socials always posting about warning signs and I feel bad (but also don't) about not leaving any (or trying not to) when I CTB.

I think a therapist knows this type of thinking anyway and probably understands things happen outside of their control like anyone else or at least hopefully idk

Hope you find some peace soon