So, I had a meltdown and emailed my psychiatrist

[borderline-feline]

I sent him a 2 page rant about my suicidal ideation, my fear of being sent to a psychiatric hospital, and a particular trigger that's been hitting me like a ton of bricks for the last 6 months. When he responded, he said "I'm going to need a little time to process what you've shared."

So now I have to wait anxiously for him to read and process it all. I do not like this sensation.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Think it's good you got it off your chest. I know the feeling though- waiting to hear back on things. I hope he gets back to you soon. Could you remind me- is he this 'favourite person' you've mentioned before?

 

[MidnightCat]

It's good you've vented with him, I know what those anxious feelings feel like.

I would suggest trying everything you've got at hand to stop thinking about it, it'll be worse if you keep thinking about it over and over and over again.

I know it's not easy, but you'll not have an easy time thinking about it nonetheless...

I hope he gets back soon, he might just be thinking how to word his ideas in the best way possible to help you

 

[DejectedRealtor]

Depending on what you said, he may need advice from a colleague who specializes in SI (medical people confer a lot without sharing private details. I have a cousin who does this for a living). He will probably want to think carefully how to respond in order to not trigger you any further. That would be a good sign, I think.

 

[hellispink]

Psychiatrists are required by law to report when someone is actively wanting to off. I don't trust them at all cause most of them do not care. I hope nothing bad happens honestly. Best luck.

 

[DejectedRealtor]

Psychiatrists are required by law to report when someone is actively wanting to off. I don't trust them at all cause most of them do not care. I hope nothing bad happens honestly. Best luck.

That is complete bullshit. Don't spread panic to those who are seeking help.

For example, in the UK, you can ring the NHS and describe your problems to a specialist who the triages you to figure out what kind of care you need. Here's a simplified breakdown:

1. If you report SI, you will be asked to rate it on a scale of 1-10 (if you report 1-9, you will be advised about your options. In the vast majority of cases, you'll be put on a waiting list to see a therapist. Annoyingly, this can take up to 3 or 4 months, depending on where you live. If you are in more remote areas, you may be seen sooner)
   
   
2. If you are a substance abuser, you cannot get therapy right away because the substance abuse makes therapy almost impossible. eg. if you are an alcoholic, alcohol abuse compounds your problems of depression and SI, so that needs to be knocked on the head first. If you smoke 5 joints of skunk a day, same story.
   
   
3. If you are severely depressed (not all suicidal people are severely depressed - I count myself as one of them), your therapist might ask you to visit your GP to be put on some kind of anti-depressant. This is because massively severe depression also impedes therapy.
   
   
4. ONLY if you say you think you are likely to harm yourself within the next 24 hours, will they send people to your location to do a welfare check. Only those in a severely panicked state, or who display signs of psychosis, mental breakdown would be considered for an emergency sectioning - and even then, it needs to be agreed upon by your GP and a senior mental health expert - often consulting with any available family members (if present). Sectioning in the UK is very rare. One of my pals who works in this area says he has only seen it 3 times in his 15 years working in the profession. In short, if you're feeling suicidal in the UK and are not planning to do it in the next 24 hours, then don't worry about being sectioned. It won't happen.

Most mental health professionals chose their job because they do care. Yammering on about how they don't care is about as fucking stupid a thing as one can say on a suicide forum.

EDIT: Can we at specify what country we're talking about before jumping straight into horror stories about seeking help?

 

[borderline-feline]

Think it's good you got it off your chest. I know the feeling though- waiting to hear back on things. I hope he gets back to you soon. Could you remind me- is he this 'favourite person' you've mentioned before?

Nope. My favorite person is my boyfriend.

 

[borderline-feline]

That is complete bullshit. Don't spread panic to those who are seeking help.

For example, in the UK, you can ring the NHS and describe your problems to a specialist who the triages you to figure out what kind of care you need. Here's a simplified breakdown:

1. If you report SI, you will be asked to rate it on a scale of 1-10 (if you report 1-9, you will be advised about your options. In the vast majority of cases, you'll be put on a waiting list to see a therapist. Annoyingly, this can take up to 3 or 4 months, depending on where you live. If you are in more remote areas, you may be seen sooner)
   
   
2. If you are a substance abuser, you cannot get therapy right away because the substance abuse makes therapy almost impossible. eg. if you are an alcoholic, alcohol abuse compounds your problems of depression and SI, so that needs to be knocked on the head first. If you smoke 5 joints of skunk a day, same story.
   
   
3. If you are severely depressed (not all suicidal people are severely depressed - I count myself as one of them), your therapist might ask you to visit your GP to be put on some kind of anti-depressant. This is because massively severe depression also impedes therapy.
   
   
4. ONLY if you say you think you are likely to harm yourself within the next 24 hours, will they send people to your location to do a welfare check. Only those in a severely panicked state, or who display signs of psychosis, mental breakdown would be considered for an emergency sectioning - and even then, it needs to be agreed upon by your GP and a senior mental health expert - often consulting with any available family members (if present). Sectioning in the UK is very rare. One of my pals who works in this area says he has only seen it 3 times in his 15 years working in the profession. In short, if you're feeling suicidal in the UK and are not planning to do it in the next 24 hours, then don't worry about being sectioned. It won't happen.

Most mental health professionals chose their job because they do care. Yammering on about how they don't care is about as fucking stupid a thing as one can say on a suicide forum.

EDIT: Can we at specify what country we're talking about before jumping straight into horror stories about seeking help?

I live in the US. To my knowledge, doctors are only required to report here if you say that you're going to end your life.

I specifically mentioned how I wouldn't be able to ctb without permission from my favorite person, so it's unlikely that he'll report.

Where I'm from the cops would be showing up after a few hours.

That's awful. I got the response 4 days ago and posted because I've been anxious about it. Since so much time has passed, I can say that I probably won't have the police called on me.

My psychiatrist is the one who diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder, so he knows how quickly my emotions shift. Because of my BPD and my desire to not hurt my favorite person, my psychiatrist knows that I wouldn't be able to bring myself to ctb.

 

[DejectedRealtor]

Well, one way or another, I hope the best for you

 

[stilhavinightmares]

I'm proud of you for opening up to your psychiatrist. I know how painful the feelings can be and how painful the decision to be open is, then how painful it must have been waiting for his response. Being honest is the only way you can get better and it's so so hard.

 

[hellispink]

I know

That is complete bullshit. Don't spread panic to those who are seeking help.

For example, in the UK, you can ring the NHS and describe your problems to a specialist who the triages you to figure out what kind of care you need. Here's a simplified breakdown:

1. If you report SI, you will be asked to rate it on a scale of 1-10 (if you report 1-9, you will be advised about your options. In the vast majority of cases, you'll be put on a waiting list to see a therapist. Annoyingly, this can take up to 3 or 4 months, depending on where you live. If you are in more remote areas, you may be seen sooner)
   
   
2. If you are a substance abuser, you cannot get therapy right away because the substance abuse makes therapy almost impossible. eg. if you are an alcoholic, alcohol abuse compounds your problems of depression and SI, so that needs to be knocked on the head first. If you smoke 5 joints of skunk a day, same story.
   
   
3. If you are severely depressed (not all suicidal people are severely depressed - I count myself as one of them), your therapist might ask you to visit your GP to be put on some kind of anti-depressant. This is because massively severe depression also impedes therapy.
   
   
4. ONLY if you say you think you are likely to harm yourself within the next 24 hours, will they send people to your location to do a welfare check. Only those in a severely panicked state, or who display signs of psychosis, mental breakdown would be considered for an emergency sectioning - and even then, it needs to be agreed upon by your GP and a senior mental health expert - often consulting with any available family members (if present). Sectioning in the UK is very rare. One of my pals who works in this area says he has only seen it 3 times in his 15 years working in the profession. In short, if you're feeling suicidal in the UK and are not planning to do it in the next 24 hours, then don't worry about being sectioned. It won't happen.

Most mental health professionals chose their job because they do care. Yammering on about how they don't care is about as fucking stupid a thing as one can say on a suicide forum.

EDIT: Can we at specify what country we're talking about before jumping straight into horror stories about seeking help?w

That is complete bullshit. Don't spread panic to those who are seeking help.

For example, in the UK, you can ring the NHS and describe your problems to a specialist who the triages you to figure out what kind of care you need. Here's a simplified breakdown:

1. If you report SI, you will be asked to rate it on a scale of 1-10 (if you report 1-9, you will be advised about your options. In the vast majority of cases, you'll be put on a waiting list to see a therapist. Annoyingly, this can take up to 3 or 4 months, depending on where you live. If you are in more remote areas, you may be seen sooner)
   
   
2. If you are a substance abuser, you cannot get therapy right away because the substance abuse makes therapy almost impossible. eg. if you are an alcoholic, alcohol abuse compounds your problems of depression and SI, so that needs to be knocked on the head first. If you smoke 5 joints of skunk a day, same story.
   
   
3. If you are severely depressed (not all suicidal people are severely depressed - I count myself as one of them), your therapist might ask you to visit your GP to be put on some kind of anti-depressant. This is because massively severe depression also impedes therapy.
   
   
4. ONLY if you say you think you are likely to harm yourself within the next 24 hours, will they send people to your location to do a welfare check. Only those in a severely panicked state, or who display signs of psychosis, mental breakdown would be considered for an emergency sectioning - and even then, it needs to be agreed upon by your GP and a senior mental health expert - often consulting with any available family members (if present). Sectioning in the UK is very rare. One of my pals who works in this area says he has only seen it 3 times in his 15 years working in the profession. In short, if you're feeling suicidal in the UK and are not planning to do it in the next 24 hours, then don't worry about being sectioned. It won't happen.

Most mental health professionals chose their job because they do care. Yammering on about how they don't care is about as fucking stupid a thing as one can say on a suicide forum.

EDIT: Can we at specify what country we're talking about before jumping straight into horror stories about seeking help?

I know what I am talking about. Anyone in the US that has been in the system knows how it works. If that appears to you as bullshit or not, it is not my problem.

 

[jessisme]

This is probably why my psychiatrist doesn't give out his email address.

 

[borderline-feline]

This is probably why my psychiatrist doesn't give out his email address.

Mine had to give me his email address because I need to contact him so he can write new adderall prescriptions when I need them.

 

[Monkeyman]

While it's understandable that it makes you anxious, it might have been worse if he didn't warn you beforehand and just responded later when reading everything. Here's hoping he can respond to you adequately... do you consider his therapy good for you?

 

[jessisme]

Mine had to give me his email address because I need to contact him so he can write new adderall prescriptions when I need them.

We do that by phone. It is unusual that psych support staff give out email addresses so that they are not inundated with messages like this.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

If he thought you were hyper-critical, you would know by now. He would have sectioned you immediately upon receipt of your email.

I think the idea that he's taking time to digest your missive is a good thing. First, he's not flinching and making a quick move that might prove harmful, i.e. hospitalization. Second, he's really likely really reading what you sent. Many MDs would tl;dr such an email.
Third, he's working on it. You really can't ask for more.

Try (and I know it's hard) to think of the wait as a good think. Sectioning is fast. Quick answers are fast, but often wrong. Dedicated thought takes time but brings a better outcome. This may wind up being very helpful in the end.

Wishing you good vibes.

 

[Rainy_days]

Curious to hear how he responded.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Most mental health professionals chose their job because they do care. Yammering on about how they don't care is about as fucking stupid a thing as one can say on a suicide forum.

Many people who work in inpatient settings couldn't give less of a fuck if they tried.

 

[myownpetvirus]

What ever came of this?

 

[DejectedRealtor]

Many people who work in inpatient settings couldn't give less of a fuck if they tried.

^ the kind of message one should ignore. A troll hoping to scare people away from help.

We're here to inform. We're here to be good people. This comment does nothing for SS. It proves our critics right.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

^ the kind of message one should ignore. A troll hoping to scare people away from help.

We're here to inform. We're here to be good people. This comment does nothing for SS. It proves our critics right.

A troll? I guess it's the fashion of the day to label people that. I doubt most others here would share that opinion.

People can choose what importance to give to my or anyone else's messages. That's their right. I responded to yours as was my right and hardly did so in categorical terms. My experience is part of of why I'm here, and others too. There are a lot of deficiencies and people like OP are right to be hesitant as there could be unanticipated emotional consequences as I've heard many accounts of. These things shouldn't be glossed over either if being informative is as important as it is.

 

[borderline-feline]

We do that by phone. It is unusual that psych support staff give out email addresses so that they are not inundated with messages like this.

Well, it was a combination of the Adderall since it's a controlled substance and the fact that I went 6 months without insurance, so he wanted me to be able to contact him about any medication concerns that I might have and because I needed a letter of readiness from him (which I got last year) in order to be able to get the surgery I'm having on Tuesday. I've been having appointments with him for around 14 years, and he even attended my mother's funeral (after asking me and my dad whether or not that would be appropriate).

I don't really have a frame of reference for what is normal for psychiatrists since the only one I had before my current one was a dickhead who refused to believe that I was autistic until I had a full-on meltdown in his office when I was in 3rd grade. I don't really know what's normal for most things to be honest. I have an unconventional family and have lived an unconventional life.

A troll? I guess it's the fashion of the day to label people that. I doubt most others here would share that opinion.

People can choose what importance to give to my or anyone else's messages. That's their right. I responded to yours as was my right and hardly did so in categorical terms. My experience is part of of why I'm here, and others too. There are a lot of deficiencies and people like OP are right to be hesitant as there could be unanticipated emotional consequences as I've heard many accounts of. These things shouldn't be glossed over either if being informative is as important as it is.

^ the kind of message one should ignore. A troll hoping to scare people away from help.

We're here to inform. We're here to be good people. This comment does nothing for SS. It proves our critics right.

Guys, I know that this is something you're both passionate about, but I would prefer if you didn't have this argument here. Conflict scares me.

While it's understandable that it makes you anxious, it might have been worse if he didn't warn you beforehand and just responded later when reading everything. Here's hoping he can respond to you adequately... do you consider his therapy good for you?

It absolutely would've been worse for him to not give any response until he processed everything, and I am glad that he didn't take that route. I'm merely an anxious wreck in general.

I'm skeptical about various types of therapy, particularly cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectical behavior therapy. I'm still in a larval state, metaphorically speaking, so I'm not capable of controlling my emotions and have difficulty with a lot of things that are necessary for being a functioning adult. I'd say that I'm stuck at the mental age of about 12.

Therapy hasn't stopped bad and scary things that happened in my past from still impacting me, and medication takes so much trial and error that none of it feels worth it at times.

I also don't even know if I want to get better. I don't know what getting better is, but I know that part of it would involve breaking free of the thing keeping me mentally and emotionally immature. I don't want that. I try to function as an adult, but I don't want to fully grow up. I don't want freedom; I just want to be my favorite person's pet kitten forever.

Curious to hear how he responded.

What ever came of this?

I haven't gotten a response yet. Doctors generally work through weekdays, so he's probably been busy with other patients and hasn't had the time to get back to me yet. He's also likely choosing his words very carefully. I have a tendency to overreact to things as a result of having BPD, and he doesn't want me to become any more treatment resistant (I believe that's the right term) than I already am.

I've been avoiding thinking about it too much and have instead been focusing on the surgery I'm having on Tuesday.

If he thought you were hyper-critical, you would know by now. He would have sectioned you immediately upon receipt of your email.

I think the idea that he's taking time to digest your missive is a good thing. First, he's not flinching and making a quick move that might prove harmful, i.e. hospitalization. Second, he's really likely really reading what you sent. Many MDs would tl;dr such an email.
Third, he's working on it. You really can't ask for more.

Try (and I know it's hard) to think of the wait as a good think. Sectioning is fast. Quick answers are fast, but often wrong. Dedicated thought takes time but brings a better outcome. This may wind up being very helpful in the end.

Wishing you good vibes.

The problem with me is that I consciously know that, but the little roach that lives inside my brain and thrives off of gaslighting me tries to convince me that this is abandonment. I have the particularly unfortunate combination of BPD and OCD, and they have a tendency to feed into each other. I know that everything the roach in my brain tells me is irrational, but I can't help the anxiety that it causes me.

 

[jessisme]

Well, it was a combination of the Adderall since it's a controlled substance and the fact that I went 6 months without insurance, so he wanted me to be able to contact him about any medication concerns that I might have and because I needed a letter of readiness from him (which I got last year) in order to be able to get the surgery I'm having on Tuesday. I've been having appointments with him for around 14 years, and he even attended my mother's funeral (after asking me and my dad whether or not that would be appropriate).

I don't really have a frame of reference for what is normal for psychiatrists since the only one I had before my current one was a dickhead who refused to believe that I was autistic until I had a full-on meltdown in his office when I was in 3rd grade. I don't really know what's normal for most things to be honest. I have an unconventional family and have lived an unconventional life.


Guys, I know that this is something you're both passionate about, but I would prefer if you didn't have this argument here. Conflict scares me.

It absolutely would've been worse for him to not give any response until he processed everything, and I am glad that he didn't take that route. I'm merely an anxious wreck in general.

I'm skeptical about various types of therapy, particularly cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectical behavior therapy. I'm still in a larval state, metaphorically speaking, so I'm not capable of controlling my emotions and have difficulty with a lot of things that are necessary for being a functioning adult. I'd say that I'm stuck at the mental age of about 12.

Therapy hasn't stopped bad and scary things that happened in my past from still impacting me, and medication takes so much trial and error that none of it feels worth it at times.

I also don't even know if I want to get better. I don't know what getting better is, but I know that part of it would involve breaking free of the thing keeping me mentally and emotionally immature. I don't want that. I try to function as an adult, but I don't want to fully grow up. I don't want freedom; I just want to be my favorite person's pet kitten forever.


I haven't gotten a response yet. Doctors generally work through weekdays, so he's probably been busy with other patients and hasn't had the time to get back to me yet. He's also likely choosing his words very carefully. I have a tendency to overreact to things as a result of having BPD, and he doesn't want me to become any more treatment resistant (I believe that's the right term) than I already am.

I've been avoiding thinking about it too much and have instead been focusing on the surgery I'm having on Tuesday.

The problem with me is that I consciously know that, but the little roach that lives inside my brain and thrives off of gaslighting me tries to convince me that this is abandonment. I have the particularly unfortunate combination of BPD and OCD, and they have a tendency to feed into each other. I know that everything the roach in my brain tells me is irrational, but I can't help the anxiety that it causes me.

Wow, that is amazing service your psychiatrist provides you, you are so blessed.

 

[borderline-feline]

Wow, that is amazing service your psychiatrist provides you, you are so blessed.

I disagree. It would be amazing service for someone who has value and wants to be happy. I hate being happy and want people to reinforce the reality that I'm worthless and will never have any kind of career.

 

[jessisme]

I disagree. It would be amazing service for someone who has value and wants to be happy. I hate being happy and want people to reinforce the reality that I'm worthless and will never have any kind of career.

Well even if you don't appreciate it it is exceptional service to offer any client for a psychiatrist to go out of their way to help you and be present in your life as they do. It's very unusual for a psychiatrist to be so engaged and available to their clients. I'm sure you can appreciate their efforts even if it doesn't make you feel the way you would like to feel.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

What kind of surgery are you getting? Anything that may be helpful for your mental health? Just curious. I got bariatric surgery last year and it helped a lot for a period of time.

 

[borderline-feline]

What kind of surgery are you getting? Anything that may be helpful for your mental health? Just curious. I got bariatric surgery last year and it helped a lot for a period of time.

It's absolutely gonna help my mental health. I'm getting breast augmentation done, and I'm just thankful that I have insurance now since I only have to pay about $3,700 out of pocket instead of $41,000. I'll feel more comfortable in my own skin, but I still have a long way to go, and it won't change that my emotions change too quickly for me to even fully process them.

I wish I had a way of knowing what to expect in terms of size, but that's not gonna be gone over with me until the day of the surgery.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

It's absolutely gonna help my mental health. I'm getting breast augmentation done, and I'm just thankful that I have insurance now since I only have to pay about $3,700 out of pocket instead of $41,000. I'll feel more comfortable in my own skin, but I still have a long way to go, and it won't change that my emotions change too quickly for me to even fully process them.

I wish I had a way of knowing what to expect in terms of size, but that's not gonna be gone over with me until the day of the surgery.

Good for you!!! Congratulations. I hope all goes well and recovery is quick. Feeling more comfortable in your skin is a big improvement so that's great!

 

[borderline-feline]

Good for you!!! Congratulations. I hope all goes well and recovery is quick. Feeling more comfortable in your skin is a big improvement so that's great!

Well, it'll still be a while before I'm able to get rid of the biggest problem with my body; this is only one part of it. There are other problems with my body that make me wanna die, but one in particular is a bigger flaw than any other. I just hate that I have to alter so much of my body, and it'll never really be enough, but it'll help if I can get this stuff done. I'm partially cursing my Scandinavian heritage for how bad some of this shit is.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Well, it'll still be a while before I'm able to get rid of the biggest problem with my body; this is only one part of it. There are other problems with my body that make me wanna die, but one in particular is a bigger flaw than any other. I just hate that I have to alter so much of my body, and it'll never really be enough, but it'll help if I can get this stuff done. I'm partially cursing my Scandinavian heritage for how bad some of this shit is.

Damn, sorry to hear it affects you so much. I hate myself (my mind, etc) more than I could ever hate my body although I do hate my body too. I'm just over it though.