Story so close.

[mordumfan]

I almost did it today. I'm writing this about an hour after. I snuck out my house a 12:30am, walked an hour to my hanging destination which is the woods. It was pitch black, the only time I have felt genuine fear. I sat at the bench outside for a few minutes but I just felt like I was being stalked. It was a horrible feeling, I can't believe I actually got scared. I had this whole thing in my head where I thought I would never be scared, especially not of the dark. Maybe I should invest in a pullup thing so I can safely do it in my room. I just wish I lived in a country that allowed guns so it could be a quick and easy death, I have obsessed over the Shuaiby Aslam, Ronnie Mcnutt and 1444 videos since I was younger because made me jealous how quick their deaths were. (If you don't who/what these videos are essentially they're just gun suicide videos)

I just can't believe I had such a great opportunity and threw it away. It makes me feel like I'm not sick enough, not desperate enough. Like the time someone I knew asked me and I quote "if you really wanted to die why don't you just stab yourself". Anyways, since I have a self sabotage problem I'm reeeaaally gonna regret it. One last thing, I don't understand why some people on this website say "leave the house at night and listen to your favourite song while you walk there" Aren't you scared of a stalker or a violent stranger or even police? Because police patrol my city at night and early morning. Even if you are of age they will still pull over and force you to explain why you're out. idk if thats just an Australian thing or not.