komm susser todd
Become the master of your own fate
- Jul 21, 2019
- 78
So while i know exactly what im going to do to ctb, im left a bit anxious and also lazy to actually do it, but possibly mostly because im not sure about some of the specific details of my method. I want to go over my plan and get some advice/tips if possible so that i can dispel any anxieties about how it could go wrong. Prepare for a wall of text.
What i know is im going to use the full suspension method. Ill use a door handle as my anchor and hang on the other side of the door. I dont have meds to calm me down or ease the pain so right now my drug of choice is a big 32 ipa and two little bottles of some vodka. Ill probably throw in a fosters or something to get me real nice and buzzed.
Now heres were the problems set in
1. Since id be right next to a door, something ive been worrying about was making noise. Id imagine id start panicking and kicking the door because of si and i wanted to avoid that. Is this a common issue or should i be fine?
2. Possible alternative. If a door wouldnt be prefferable what other method would suffice? Ceiling fan or some sort of chandelier id imagine would only work if doing partial suspension so as to not put my entire body weight and break the damn thing.
3. Location. Id rather not do it at my current residence since theres family here and i dont want to leave a dead body in their house. My main location of choice is a motel which would limit my options for issue 2. No im not going to a damn park because i dont want to freak out little kids and going to a secluded forest is...also not doable but id rather not explain why since itll give a bit to much personal detail about who i am. The main problem im having is choosing a motel. Like would it look odd for some random guy going to a motel at night with a backpack alone? Whats a cheap motel chain for a single night that also isnt terrible? Would certain motels be less desirable to ctb?
4. Timing. My best time to ctb was the past two days since i didnt have work but i got to lazy and didnt do research so now i have work 4 days in a row and all are night shifts. From what i understand motels have you check in at night and then check out 12 hours later, from 11 pm to 11 am. I could just ditch work the night but i already did that recently and despite the fact that im gonna be dead, calling off work like that again makes me a bit anxious. Now from what i can gather one of those nights i get off at 10 30. If anyone has motel experience, would this bar me from being able to be act as normally as possible to avoid suspicion and then just going to the motel at such a late time?
5. My final note. I actually wrote 2 notes, one which will also be my will of sorts and be viewable by freinds/family. The other note is one that im sending to a close friend with additional details that im going to instruct him to keep to himself and delete afterwords after reading it. Lets just say i have some very pathetic reasons that broke the camels back for me that id rather take to the grave with me but i still wanted him to know. In terms of the method of notifiying him i was going to use this future e mail service from the resource thread.
www.futureme.org
Now the problem here is that the way this works is i can only set a date but not a time to send it, nor can i send it the next day, it says it has to be sent 30 days at minimum into the future. What i wanted to do was have it be sent the next day at night time but obviously thats not doable with this e mail service. Is there any other viable alternative to this method?
That should be it. Once i get this all figured out i can move on and catch the damn bus. Im already getting depressed and anxious for not taking advantage of the past two days to do myself in
What i know is im going to use the full suspension method. Ill use a door handle as my anchor and hang on the other side of the door. I dont have meds to calm me down or ease the pain so right now my drug of choice is a big 32 ipa and two little bottles of some vodka. Ill probably throw in a fosters or something to get me real nice and buzzed.
Now heres were the problems set in
1. Since id be right next to a door, something ive been worrying about was making noise. Id imagine id start panicking and kicking the door because of si and i wanted to avoid that. Is this a common issue or should i be fine?
2. Possible alternative. If a door wouldnt be prefferable what other method would suffice? Ceiling fan or some sort of chandelier id imagine would only work if doing partial suspension so as to not put my entire body weight and break the damn thing.
3. Location. Id rather not do it at my current residence since theres family here and i dont want to leave a dead body in their house. My main location of choice is a motel which would limit my options for issue 2. No im not going to a damn park because i dont want to freak out little kids and going to a secluded forest is...also not doable but id rather not explain why since itll give a bit to much personal detail about who i am. The main problem im having is choosing a motel. Like would it look odd for some random guy going to a motel at night with a backpack alone? Whats a cheap motel chain for a single night that also isnt terrible? Would certain motels be less desirable to ctb?
4. Timing. My best time to ctb was the past two days since i didnt have work but i got to lazy and didnt do research so now i have work 4 days in a row and all are night shifts. From what i understand motels have you check in at night and then check out 12 hours later, from 11 pm to 11 am. I could just ditch work the night but i already did that recently and despite the fact that im gonna be dead, calling off work like that again makes me a bit anxious. Now from what i can gather one of those nights i get off at 10 30. If anyone has motel experience, would this bar me from being able to be act as normally as possible to avoid suspicion and then just going to the motel at such a late time?
5. My final note. I actually wrote 2 notes, one which will also be my will of sorts and be viewable by freinds/family. The other note is one that im sending to a close friend with additional details that im going to instruct him to keep to himself and delete afterwords after reading it. Lets just say i have some very pathetic reasons that broke the camels back for me that id rather take to the grave with me but i still wanted him to know. In terms of the method of notifiying him i was going to use this future e mail service from the resource thread.
FutureMe: Write a Letter to your Future Self
Write a letter to the future and read the public (but anonymous) letters from others. FutureMe has been delivering letters to the future for millions of people since 2002.
www.futureme.org
Now the problem here is that the way this works is i can only set a date but not a time to send it, nor can i send it the next day, it says it has to be sent 30 days at minimum into the future. What i wanted to do was have it be sent the next day at night time but obviously thats not doable with this e mail service. Is there any other viable alternative to this method?
That should be it. Once i get this all figured out i can move on and catch the damn bus. Im already getting depressed and anxious for not taking advantage of the past two days to do myself in
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