Life is the scary thing for me. If I manage to ctb I will escape decades of suffering and I will be at peace. Of course it is difficult to overcome the SI as we are programmed to survive, but I believe that once someone reaches a state of hopelessness they can overcome this instinct. Putting up with pain and discomfort for a short amount of time is nothing compared to a lifetime of pain which I would experience if I stayed alive. I doubt SN would ever be my method though, but this applies to suicide in general.