Nightwillalwayswin
Member
- May 3, 2020
- 84
I have had three serious suicide attempts in the past that all led to hospitalisation and two of the three very nearly killed me.
I've therefore been frustrated as to why I have just not been able to drink one glass of SN when I feel worse now. I realise with my other attempts, they were impulsive. I had been feeling suicidal but then there had been a trigger and I decided "that's it".
With all the things that you should do first, it's very hard to impulsively go for SN and succeed.
By the time you've even fasted for a few hours your brain has time to talk you out of it. Even if it hasn't, being very hungry and having the energy and determination to kill yourself is harder than I thought!
I was doing well battling my SI today; I told myself that I wanted to die with dignity and not be dragged kicking and screaming so I was quite calm. However, when it came to it… I was too hungry. I was so hungry I was feeling weak and a bit sick already and I just could not conceive of adding to that and dying at the same time. Willpower died.
I know it's the best we've got without N but gosh, I just wish there was something easier.
I've therefore been frustrated as to why I have just not been able to drink one glass of SN when I feel worse now. I realise with my other attempts, they were impulsive. I had been feeling suicidal but then there had been a trigger and I decided "that's it".
With all the things that you should do first, it's very hard to impulsively go for SN and succeed.
By the time you've even fasted for a few hours your brain has time to talk you out of it. Even if it hasn't, being very hungry and having the energy and determination to kill yourself is harder than I thought!
I was doing well battling my SI today; I told myself that I wanted to die with dignity and not be dragged kicking and screaming so I was quite calm. However, when it came to it… I was too hungry. I was so hungry I was feeling weak and a bit sick already and I just could not conceive of adding to that and dying at the same time. Willpower died.
I know it's the best we've got without N but gosh, I just wish there was something easier.