Venting sn arrived but idk

[secretariat]

my sn got here wahoo! not sure if ill try to get antiemetics or just go for it.

but whats weird is despite being able to ctb now (a pretty good chance too, if i get antiemetics and follow the regimen), im still trying? im still going on with my day as usual, working on my college assignments and making plans with my friends for the future as if any of it will matter soon.

i thought i was sure but i guess im still hesitant. i dont think i really do want to die; i have lots to live for but i feel like i HAVE to if yknow what i mean? i have a pretty ideal life with family, friends, pets, and a decent amount of prospects. im still 18 too with so many things i havent done yet.

i dont know why i feel so shitty but i feel like i have to go through with this soon. id like to hear if ygs relate and your thoughts! (also please dont ask me for sn source thanks!)

might update here if i do plan to go through with it.

 

[Untimely]

I think your plan is similar to mine, I just want to have it as a "just in case" type of thing

 

[secretariat]

yeah me too kinda! but its kinda conflicting :/

 

[Final_Choice]

You have it, you don't have to worry about that now. I have my SN but also haven't used it yet, I wasn't planning on going through with things until about a year from now but wanted to make sure I have it by then so I got it early. If you're not completely sure if you want to go through with it or not then delay it for now, you have it so you can just use it later, there's no rush in using it immediately after you get it. You don't have to live but you also don't have to die, only do it if that's actually what you want. SN has a shelf life of about 3-5 years so you've got time with the SN that you bought.

 

[Yazzerton]

my sn got here wahoo! not sure if ill try to get antiemetics or just go for it.

but whats weird is despite being able to ctb now (a pretty good chance too, if i get antiemetics and follow the regimen), im still trying? im still going on with my day as usual, working on my college assignments and making plans with my friends for the future as if any of it will matter soon.

i thought i was sure but i guess im still hesitant. i dont think i really do want to die; i have lots to live for but i feel like i HAVE to if yknow what i mean? i have a pretty ideal life with family, friends, pets, and a decent amount of prospects. im still 18 too with so many things i havent done yet.

i dont know why i feel so shitty but i feel like i have to go through with this soon. id like to hear if ygs relate and your thoughts! (also please dont ask me for sn source thanks!)

might update here if i do plan to go through with it.

I find it almost comforting to know that it's always there if I need it, even though I'm hopeful that I will never need to go that far.

 

[rozeske]

my sn got here wahoo! not sure if ill try to get antiemetics or just go for it.

but whats weird is despite being able to ctb now (a pretty good chance too, if i get antiemetics and follow the regimen), im still trying? im still going on with my day as usual, working on my college assignments and making plans with my friends for the future as if any of it will matter soon.

i thought i was sure but i guess im still hesitant. i dont think i really do want to die; i have lots to live for but i feel like i HAVE to if yknow what i mean? i have a pretty ideal life with family, friends, pets, and a decent amount of prospects. im still 18 too with so many things i havent done yet.

i dont know why i feel so shitty but i feel like i have to go through with this soon. id like to hear if ygs relate and your thoughts! (also please dont ask me for sn source thanks!)

might update here if i do plan to go through with it.

You owe it to yourself to be 100% ready and 100% sure of wanting to end their life. You only get one shot, don't feel pressured to do it unless you absolutely want to. If you are hesitating and thinking you have so much to look forward to and so much to accomplish, halt your plans for now and live your life. In the meantime take it one day at a time and see how things play out.
If you read the sticky thread at the top about sn stability you should know it's a prett stable substance and you shouldn't be in a hurry to do anything with it.

 

[secretariat]

thank you guys! ill definitely look into keeping it as secure as possible

 

[LOVELYDARKDEEP]

You owe it to yourself to be 100% ready and 100% sure of wanting to end their life. You only get one shot, don't feel pressured to do it unless you absolutely want to. If you are hesitating and thinking you have so much to look forward to and so much to accomplish, halt your plans for now and live your life. In the meantime take it one day at a time and see how things play out.

Well said! Excellent advice.

 

[AbandonedApe]

You owe it to yourself to be 100% ready and 100% sure of wanting to end their life. You only get one shot, don't feel pressured to do it unless you absolutely want to. If you are hesitating and thinking you have so much to look forward to and so much to accomplish, halt your plans for now and live your life. In the meantime take it one day at a time and see how things play out.
If you read the sticky thread at the top about sn stability you should know it's a prett stable substance and you shouldn't be in a hurry to do anything with it.

100% agree with this also.. why not use the fact you have your method already ready as a hack to achieve more in your life. Think about all those things you'd like to do or achieve but might not have the guts to do because you're scared of it not working out, or being judged, or it backfiring. Remember you now have an exit plan on hand if things get too bad. So you no longer need to have any of those fears. Face your fears, live a little, do those brave things knowing that if it all doesn't pan out you can end things at any time. Try to live your life as if you're a terminal patient with no more fears and a limited time to do things. See what happens.

One of three things will happen. Either you'll get so hooked on the fun of living that you'll change your mind and buying SN can have been a life saver rather than a life ender. Or nothing changes, you still want to die and you still can knowing you gave life one last full shot. Or you still decide you want to die but at least have a blast first before you do.

It's Win/win

 

[Dliena]

Well I am glad to see that your SN has indeed made it safe OP! Whatever it is that you choose I shall wish ya all the luck and may eternal peace be victorious in the end for you.

 

[Bunni'sLullaby]

my sn got here wahoo! not sure if ill try to get antiemetics or just go for it.

but whats weird is despite being able to ctb now (a pretty good chance too, if i get antiemetics and follow the regimen), im still trying? im still going on with my day as usual, working on my college assignments and making plans with my friends for the future as if any of it will matter soon.

i thought i was sure but i guess im still hesitant. i dont think i really do want to die; i have lots to live for but i feel like i HAVE to if yknow what i mean? i have a pretty ideal life with family, friends, pets, and a decent amount of prospects. im still 18 too with so many things i havent done yet.

i dont know why i feel so shitty but i feel like i have to go through with this soon. id like to hear if ygs relate and your thoughts! (also please dont ask me for sn source thanks!)

might update here if i do plan to go through with it.

I completely understand. I lost my husband to suicide, which has just exacerbated my own issues. I know I have people who care and I have/had goals, like finishing my doctorate and whatnot. But, I'm just miserable and always have been in the end. I know the pain it causes to lose someone like this, and I think that's partially why I feel so much guilt. It's comforting, maybe morbidly, to know the option is there; especially one that is more "peaceful" than others.

 

[secretariat]

I completely understand. I lost my husband to suicide, which has just exacerbated my own issues. I know I have people who care and I have/had goals, like finishing my doctorate and whatnot. But, I'm just miserable and always have been in the end. I know the pain it causes to lose someone like this, and I think that's partially why I feel so much guilt. It's comforting, maybe morbidly, to know the option is there; especially one that is more "peaceful" than others.

im so sorry for your loss :(

i relate to the feeling guilty part a lot, but in the end, the crappy feelings win. plus its way easier to give in to the feelings now that i have, like you said, a more "peaceful" method.

today was a decent day so ill keep pushing for now. i wish the best for you and everyone else reading this

100% agree with this also.. why not use the fact you have your method already ready as a hack to achieve more in your life. Think about all those things you'd like to do or achieve but might not have the guts to do because you're scared of it not working out, or being judged, or it backfiring. Remember you now have an exit plan on hand if things get too bad. So you no longer need to have any of those fears. Face your fears, live a little, do those brave things knowing that if it all doesn't pan out you can end things at any time. Try to live your life as if you're a terminal patient with no more fears and a limited time to do things. See what happens.

One of three things will happen. Either you'll get so hooked on the fun of living that you'll change your mind and buying SN can have been a life saver rather than a life ender. Or nothing changes, you still want to die and you still can knowing you gave life one last full shot. Or you still decide you want to die but at least have a blast first before you do.

It's Win/win

yep a little bit of optimistic nihilism for the win!

Well I am glad to see that your SN has indeed made it safe OP! Whatever it is that you choose I shall wish ya all the luck and may eternal peace be victorious in the end for you.

thank you! everyone here is so sweet, kinda sad ygs have to be here. best wishes to you too<3

 

[koalamenace12]

Well I am glad to see that your SN has indeed made it safe OP! Whatever it is that you choose I shall wish ya all the luck and may eternal peace be victorious in the end for you.

what a kind message