Small stupid everyday stuff that make you think about killing yourself

[Fabioben]

Lol for me it's basic stuff like realizing I have to study nursing to make any decent liveable wage or I'm gonna regret it later down the road.
Ad then the struggle of having to fit in in the nursing world.
Having a lot of knowledge about history and geography, cultures and languages, but never being good enough since those things are hardly useful in this material and technological world.
Loving literature and reading and writing but knowing that those things will never provide a steady income.
Basic stuff like that.

Being gay and sub average doesn't help either.

 

[RedHarlequin]

Lol for me it's basic stuff like realizing I have to study nursing to make any decent liveable wage or I'm gonna regret it later down the road.
Ad then the struggle of having to fit in in the nursing world.
Having a lot of knowledge about history and geography, cultures and languages, but never being good enough since those things are hardly useful in this material and technological world.
Loving literature and reading and writing but knowing that those things will never provide a steady income.
Basic stuff like that.

Being gay and sub average doesn't help either.

I feel similar. I work in psychiatry (pls don't hate me, I'd say I'm one of ok-ish). I was sick since I was 9, so I missed all of the stuff you go through as a healthy child,teenager and young adult, didn't socialize and didn't have a healthy balance of good/bad emotions, just a lot of anxiety. I didn't question ppl as I was dependent on ppl I didn't really like- family members bc l couldnt earn money for myself, work colleagues BC I used to be an anxious mess and miss a lot of stuff, uni group mates for notes, well you got it..
I trusted everything anyone would say. As I started feeling better, I got better at recognizing who was being an asshole. However, I'm still missing emotional maturity and am quite naive. I might have knowledge in my field, but not being able to recognise the intentions of ppl and trusting anyone makes me question my wort as a specialist. At least the ppl might get all the good drugs, so that might might compensate for me being shit ..

 

[Zaya]

The way people look at me. As if I were some kind of zoo animal or a piece of abstract art in a museum. I don't even know why they do it. I mean, yea, I'm ugly and I have a couple of quirks but cmon I didn't do anything to you. I usually try not to draw any attention to me but somehow there are these days where everyone just notices me and stare at me with a look that either makes me think they despise me or are just silently making fun of me + when I'm in public places and people start laughing I usually think theyre laughing about me

Also worth mentioning because I saw someone else write it: the summer, or hot weather to be more specific

 

[RedHarlequin]

Things that make me want to kms-
Window stickers in the FUCKING hallway. Tnx, now I'm never gonna know weather to look at the pink Paris or that meditation thing.. My brain really didn't need this., Life is already complicated without this I should just go hang myselft outside that window to create something that concentrates attention again. Honestly, I take this as a personal attack. I feel like by living with this on my hallway windows my worth as a human being has decreased.

If my neighbours are on here- sorry, but I'm helping you in the long term.. also- wanna maybe take them off?

 

[NambaSutra]

For me it's how much the world has changed as an adult and keeps changing. At 48 I've seen a lot of changes, like the rise of the internet and social media and the decline of everything else. Younger people just take this stuff for granted since they grew up with it. But everything now seems so impermanent and it makes me not want to live to see further changes and keep having to change myself to keep up.

 

[miserabletires9]

I am at starbucks, going through my final notes, and in walks this group of high school students. Some of the girls, especially one hispanic girl with full head curly hair, are just so beautiful. I really envy their beauty. This makes me want to CTB more.

and at the same starbucks, there's this mentally ill old lady, with all her different bags, just yelling at herself, alright alright. And I just see my future in her if I don't CTB

 

[cgrtt.brns]

oh boy what DOESNT make me want to kill myself...
i touch a door handle or whatever with my bare hands bc my sleeve fell down slightly (im germaphobic) - drown me in alcohol and burn me alive.
the temperature is above 10°c - rip my skin off and roll me in SN.
someone knocks on the door - ive been dead for four weeks and my corpse has become one with the floor.
i ash my cigarette on myself - might as well just break my neck right here right now.
im lying on my side and stomach acid comes up and burns my throat - euthanasia.
try to crack all my joints but one refuses to crack - wheres the nearest bridge.

this is all just shit that happens at home, outside of home the wind could change direction and id be in the middle of the road screaming take me. i think it is kinda funny tho that im so sure im going to ctb soon enough that anything and everything could be my deciding factor at this point lol

 

[RedHarlequin]

I am at starbucks, going through my final notes, and in walks this group of high school students. Some of the girls, especially one hispanic girl with full head curly hair, are just so beautiful. I really envy their beauty. This makes me want to CTB more.

and at the same starbucks, there's this mentally ill old lady, with all her different bags, just yelling at herself, alright alright. And I just see my future in her if I don't CTB

My hair were at their most beautiful when I Had hair extensions. Can't afford them now, just wanted to let you know that this is a good option, nowadays they make them look natural.

I've experienced both the phases of being the depressed lady, to being the crazy lady to being normal. I wholeheartedly believe that as long as your brain is not making you suffer, being the crazy lady is the best option ;)

oh boy what DOESNT make me want to kill myself...
i touch a door handle or whatever with my bare hands bc my sleeve fell down slightly (im germaphobic) - drown me in alcohol and burn me alive.
the temperature is above 10°c - rip my skin off and roll me in SN.
someone knocks on the door - ive been dead for four weeks and my corpse has become one with the floor.
i ash my cigarette on myself - might as well just break my neck right here right now.
im lying on my side and stomach acid comes up and burns my throat - euthanasia.
try to crack all my joints but one refuses to crack - wheres the nearest bridge.

this is all just shit that happens at home, outside of home the wind could change direction and id be in the middle of the road screaming take me. i think it is kinda funny tho that im so sure im going to ctb soon enough that anything and everything could be my deciding factor at this point lol

The temperature struggle is real- i'm not sure why but my body temp. has been around 35,1 -/+ ,1 degrees. I'm freezing. Instead of going to the doc I'm just cursing at everything, wearing 7 sweaters, two tights, uggs and hoping this kills me :p

 

[tinyteefs]

when people don't reply to me

 

[SoftWorries]

So I have seen on several occasions people mention their reaction to everyday challenges is kinda dramatic :) that the smallest inconvenience makes us think- oh well, guess I'll die then..

This is exactly my situation too, it is kinda creepy, but looking back at it has also gotten funny and ridiculous.

Here is my top five:
- When I drop something, even when it's easy to pick up/ nothing breaks.
- when it's cold outside, if it's cold with closes inside it's extra suicide fuel
- sitting at the table at boring relative get-together thinking how lame you are for being here, while Dan Bilzerian is living his best life snorting Coke of someone's titties. Surely you thus suck at life and should die before ppl find out how muxh of a loser you are.
- when I run into door with my little finger, but also stuff like give myself a minuscule cut while cooking/ opening a wine bottle is enought to send me spiralling. Extra points if it's a small open cuts- my mind goes, great, I have to look for something to tie it with, and it's going to hurt every time I use my hands. I clearly don't have time for this shitshow. Goodbye cruel world.

PS I just realized the amount of typos/mistakes in the text is impressive. As much as possible try not thinking I'm stupid AF, think it's just a mix of lack of sleep & shit keyboard skills.

I think I was kind of lame when I was snorting coke off titties. Drugs like that definitely make me want to end it

Lol for me it's basic stuff like realizing I have to study nursing to make any decent liveable wage or I'm gonna regret it later down the road.
Ad then the struggle of having to fit in in the nursing world.
Having a lot of knowledge about history and geography, cultures and languages, but never being good enough since those things are hardly useful in this material and technological world.
Loving literature and reading and writing but knowing that those things will never provide a steady income.
Basic stuff like that.

Being gay and sub average doesn't help either.

Dude I quit nursing completely to save my life. So much trauma from it. Lots of big bitch bullies and constant stress. I would CTB before doing that again everytime

 

[Jezzibell]

Its my whole routine. The monotony. Every single frigging day is exactly the same.

5.30 wake up
5.50 get out bed
Feed cat
Make 3 large cups of coffee whilst watching come dine with me
7 purge all the coffee
7.15 take morning pills and prepare pills for night time and the next morning
7.30 boil water for big flask
7.35 log on for work
10 first break. Make miso soup. Purge
12 lunch big cup of coffee. Prepare pm snacks
1pm eat cheese stuck
2pm eat skips
3pm if I'm still hungry and usually I'm not as the appetite suppressant has kicked in, I can have jerky.
4pm feed cat. Make dinner and eat watching something not too taxing
6.30m purge
7pm bath and eat ice lollies and do self harm
8pm purge again to get rid of residual food and ice lollies
8.30pm come online, take first batch of meds
9.30pm take second batch of meds
10pm sleep
RINSE REPEAT

 

[RedHarlequin]

Its my whole routine. The monotony. Every single frigging day is exactly the same.

5.30 wake up
5.50 get out bed
Feed cat
Make 3 large cups of coffee whilst watching come dine with me
7 purge all the coffee
7.15 take morning pills and prepare pills for night time and the next morning
7.30 boil water for big flask
7.35 log on for work
10 first break. Make miso soup. Purge
12 lunch big cup of coffee. Prepare pm snacks
1pm eat cheese stuck
2pm eat skips
3pm if I'm still hungry and usually I'm not as the appetite suppressant has kicked in, I can have jerky.
4pm feed cat. Make dinner and eat watching something not too taxing
6.30m purge
7pm bath and eat ice lollies and do self harm
8pm purge again to get rid of residual food and ice lollies
8.30pm come online, take first batch of meds
9.30pm take second batch of meds
10pm sleep
RINSE REPEAT

Do you have a cool cat?
Mine is honestly saving the day each day every day..

 

[trist]

when people make noises while eating i get the overwhelming urge to tie a noose and hang myself in front of them

 

[UsagiDrop]

Hahaha, I love this question. I feel like mine are really minuscule and extra stupid.

- When I'm doing something in Animal Crossing and my tool breaks… it actually makes me want to overdose every time,
- When my sims don't do what I want or need them to do, or when the 12gb of mods and custom content make my game unplayable and I gotta fix it,
- When someone makes me repeat myself on more than one occasion. If I realize I have told someone something really specific before I'm like "I should just die then since nobody listens.",
- When the internet is randomly slow,
- Every time I pay my rent,
- Every time I get an email for a bill,
- When I'm on social media for too long and start to perceive that everyone is objectively doing better than me,
- When I cook and the recipe doesn't come out like I imagined it would,
- Every time I have to go to work,
- When I have to go outside in the cold/rain,
- When I accidentally end up touching something wet and mushy with any part of my body,
- Every time I get paid, oddly enough.

 

[RedHarlequin]

Its my whole routine. The monotony. Every single frigging day is exactly the same.

5.30 wake up
5.50 get out bed
Feed cat
Make 3 large cups of coffee whilst watching come dine with me
7 purge all the coffee
7.15 take morning pills and prepare pills for night time and the next morning
7.30 boil water for big flask
7.35 log on for work
10 first break. Make miso soup. Purge
12 lunch big cup of coffee. Prepare pm snacks
1pm eat cheese stuck
2pm eat skips
3pm if I'm still hungry and usually I'm not as the appetite suppressant has kicked in, I can have jerky.
4pm feed cat. Make dinner and eat watching something not too taxing
6.30m purge
7pm bath and eat ice lollies and do self harm
8pm purge again to get rid of residual food and ice lollies
8.30pm come online, take first batch of meds
9.30pm take second batch of meds
10pm sleep
RINSE REPEAT

I'm just gonna hijack my thread for a sec here. My cat is the sweetest, stupidest most random creature I've ever met. Every day she does something that makes me burst out in laughter. She also has a lot of dog-like qualities, she hates to be left alone, waits at the door and likes to cuddle. She has these little quirks I've just fallen in love with over the two years we've spent together.
She sleeps in the most random positions and looks completely relaxed, I could swear sometimes she's imitating humans. My friends tell me she's like a walking meme. When my brain rebels, I start thinking she'll die one day, that's also the ultimate suicide fuel.
All the chill energy she has, it often times makes me realize that we all are on this earth to do nothing, dick around, do silly stupid things and this rat-race isn't natural, no wonder so many of us get depressed. Pardon the mess in the images, it's the adhs

when people make noises while eating i get the overwhelming urge to tie a noose and hang myself in front of them

Haha, agree. Extra points if there are small particles of food/saliva flying in our direction.

 

[loopdaloop]

Whenever I have to lie about stuff to not seem inadequate and avoid judgement

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm always wishing to die no matter what, I see wanting suicide as being a logical reaction to the futile nature of existing. Even if there wasn't any extreme suffering, all that would be left is dissatisfaction and emptiness, I just find existing to be tedious and dull in general, and certainly everyday things make me wish to die even more, because after all life as a concept is centred around the fulfilment of needs and I find mundane tasks like eating to be tiring which is only done to avoid more suffering. There certainly is no peace or rest in this world as we were so unfairly burdened with this decaying flesh prison, I know that life isn't for me in any way.

 

[wiltingorchid]

People looking at me with a disgusted expression. they look at my like I am garbage, which I mean is true. That makes me want to end my life.

 

[unnormal9]

Waking up.

 

[RedHarlequin]

Waking up.

Yes, totally, on a visceral level.

 

[NoLongerHuman.]

running into things. yes, i do this so much to the point its a dumb thing that makes me want to ctb at sometimes. im clumsy asf.

 

[CTB Fella]

Sunrise.

 

[RedHarlequin]

I want to thank you all for the thoughtful and interesting contributions! They make me feel a lot less alone with this damaged brain experience.

- when I somehow finally muster all my strength to shower for the first time in two weeks and it's IMPOSSIBLE to get the shower to a temperature that isnt going to traumatize me even further. From tales I know it's a universal experience, but my mind goes like- wth was that? Lacking motor skills and coordination? Surely you will never be a contributing member of society with those hands.Its a miracle your mom even took you home from the hospital.

Fun fact- I have, 3 times as far as I can remember, gotten so discouraged and mad by this, that I just thought to myself- fine, I don't need you shower. And just gone back stinky.

 

[LateForTheBus]

oh boy what DOESNT make me want to kill myself...
i touch a door handle or whatever with my bare hands bc my sleeve fell down slightly (im germaphobic) - drown me in alcohol and burn me alive.
the temperature is above 10°c - rip my skin off and roll me in SN.
someone knocks on the door - ive been dead for four weeks and my corpse has become one with the floor.
i ash my cigarette on myself - might as well just break my neck right here right now.
im lying on my side and stomach acid comes up and burns my throat - euthanasia.
try to crack all my joints but one refuses to crack - wheres the nearest bridge.

Just wanted you to know that your post brought a genuine smile to my face. Thank you for that!

 

[unsaiddes]

Every time I can hear other people in the house talking from a different room (I live in a house with four other people and the walls are thin, lol)

 

[RedHarlequin]

Every time I can hear other people in the house talking from a different room (I live in a house with four other people and the walls are thin, lol)

I like in a house with 6 separately rented apartments.. i can hear the neighbours snoring.

I like in a house with 6 separately rented apartments.. i can hear the neighbours snoring.

The place is on the countryside so ppl don't have a lot of ways to entertain themselves. So first two months after moving in I could hear neighbors dropping my surname/name into their conversations constantly. We had talked maybe twice for 20 mins. Overall a creepy experience.