Slipping, again

[beyondgone]

I've been on this site a little over a year now, last year I had numerous failed attempts and in a last ditch effort moved away to be with my dad I hadn't seen in nearly 8 years and my oldest sibling who I hadn't seen in nearly 6, at first it was okay felt abit out of place but that's to be expected given how my mental state was when I moved away. So it's been 7 months here now and I'm off all medication, I'm in the gym 4-6 times a week and have really just been putting the time into focusing on trying to be better but I just don't feel as if I belong here? Or even anywhere? When I moved away I left behind an ex partner and my 3 month old son, we stayed in contact since and she claimed she would wait for us to be together again and we can be a family at last.. then she gets pregnant on a one night stand she had whilst lying to me saying she was going to sleep at home with our son, she won't get rid of the child and rightfully so her body her choice and there's no way I could even ask her because I'm against abortion also due to losing babies in previous relationships, but the thing is the baby would be due a couple weeks away from my birthday yet she is begging me to come home? I've been scared to go home I don't want to go back to the same shit and to be truthful what's even left there? But here is just the same, mental health limits me from working or socialising to make friends or any sort of life for myself here, nothing left to go "home" to, I know what I need to do I've felt this for a long time, you can't prevent someone's suicide only prolong it. However this time I don't wanna be impulsive and fuck it up, I need to disappear make it look like an accident as I really don't want to hurt anyone or leave them feeling guilty, any advice? Am I over reacting just being a pussy or whatever I don't know all I know is I am slowly slipping backwards