Venting Skanked and hopeless!

[lostmind38]

I am so frustrated as I am typing this...

After 2 unsuccessful attempts where the SI would always kick in, reinforcing the feeling of being failure, I found someone I've known IRL, someone like minded, someone I could trust, and had a strong bond with to CTB together. I thought that having a partner would be comforting, that we would be able to help each other with SI, and I won't screw things up again and I would just die in peace.

We both had chosen the same method and decided to travel to Poland as he had found a contact there to supply SN but it was only F2F. Naïve, stupid, desperate...may be... but at this point I don't care what people would call me. As it is almost impossible to get SN in the UK, I went.
We booked a room, had everything ready and went to meet the seller. Long story short, we got skanked and I am back in the UK. My friend's family found out about our trip and now he is sectioned.

So, I am back to square one, the idea of researching other methods it's just so overwhelming and I just can't face it.
Oh, how I wish people saying that suicide is the easy way out were right… I am devastated that I tomorrow I will wake up once again, will have to exist another day, and will have to continue to suffer. We live in an awful world!

 

[BardBarrie]

SN delivered to the UK might not be impossible: there's a bunch of threads on the topic of SN availability around, and although scarce it does seem like some in the UK receive it successfully.

 

[LittleCupcake]

SN delivered to the UK might not be impossible: there's a bunch of threads on the topic of SN availability around, and although scarce it does seem like some in the UK receive it successfully.

Its possible, idk the purity of it tho but I get mine in a few weeks, hopefuly

 

[BardBarrie]

Its possible, idk the purity of it tho but I get mine in a few weeks, hopefuly

I've heard there's some aquarium test kit thingy. Might be worth researching that.

 

[restless.dreams]

It must be awful to come so close only to be disappointed. I hope you find another way <3

 

[lostmind38]

It must be awful to come so close only to be disappointed. I hope you find another way <3

I am at total loss and just feel numb right now. Thank you for your kind words xx

Its possible, idk the purity of it tho but I get mine in a few weeks, hopefuly

I hope you get better luck than me...

 

[rozeske]

Am sorry, your disappointment is palpable. It's not so hopeless though, others have managed to get their hands on it. Good luck on your search.

 

[lostmind38]

SN delivered to the UK might not be impossible: there's a bunch of threads on the topic of SN availability around, and although scarce it does seem like some in the UK receive it successfully.

Yes, that's true but although I have been here for a while my account is too new and everyone is protective of their sources which I totally get. That's why I've never asked, I just hoped that by going to the one place I had a slight chance of success would work

Am sorry, your disappointment is palpable. It's not so hopeless though, others have managed to get their hands on it. Good luck on your search.

Thank you, you are very kind xx

 

[Mi Mi]

I am so frustrated as I am typing this...

After 2 unsuccessful attempts where the SI would always kick in, reinforcing the feeling of being failure, I found someone I've known IRL, someone like minded, someone I could trust, and had a strong bond with to CTB together. I thought that having a partner would be comforting, that we would be able to help each other with SI, and I won't screw things up again and I would just die in peace.

We both had chosen the same method and decided to travel to Poland as he had found a contact there to supply SN but it was only F2F. Naïve, stupid, desperate...may be... but at this point I don't care what people would call me. As it is almost impossible to get SN in the UK, I went.
We booked a room, had everything ready and went to meet the seller. Long story short, we got skanked and I am back in the UK. My friend's family found out about our trip and now he is sectioned.

So, I am back to square one, the idea of researching other methods it's just so overwhelming and I just can't face it.
Oh, how I wish people saying that suicide is the easy way out were right… I am devastated that I tomorrow I will wake up once again, will have to exist another day, and will have to continue to suffer. We live in an awful world!

Omg
I'm so sorry
The feeling that went through me while reading this
I can only imagine how you felt
Unfortunately this is why as much as I wanna trust
I'm gonna have to get the courage to take a tragic way out
I can't trust that others will have my heart and my mind