SI kicking in hardcore.

[Seekingawayout]

I've been trying to CTB since midnight last night. It's now 10 am. I get close then chicken out.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Don't be too hard on yourself. I haven't even made an attempt yet but I'm sure it's terrifying. I wish you well- whatever you decide to do.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Mine is a week away FINALLY and my SI is already doing me a number. Do what you need to do to feel peaceful. Stay if you need. I understand the feeling though.

 

[sevenkarmas]

No judgement here. No need to feel embarrassed. We're all here dealing with something.

 

[SamTam33]

I tried last night with a bag over my head. Woke up with it halfway up my face. Will need to make it tighter and try again tonight.

My concoction of pills and booze wear off pretty quickly but I don't know what else will knock me out and keep me out.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's like the survival instinct exists just to prolong our torment and keep us here trapped in this cruel existence so we suffer endlessly. It must be so frustrating being in that situation and I certainly hate the fact how it can be so difficult to voluntary exit, we really shouldn't have to struggle so much in leaving this world. If it's easier to leave of course I would be long gone by this point.

 

[Seekingawayout]

I tried last night with a bag over my head. Woke up with it halfway up my face. Will need to make it tighter and try again tonight.

My concoction of pills and booze wear off pretty quickly but I don't know what else will knock me out and keep me out.

I can't imagine doing the bag over head. I tried drowning in the tub last night, and that air hunger is awful.
I then moved on to partial or tourniquet. I tried both. I think if I hit the sweet spot with the tourniquet again, I'll do that. IDK why, but it seems a lot easier to handle the passing out feeling while laying down. I tried partial hanging, and I can get to that pre-black stage easily, but I can't seem to stay in it too actually black out.
I finally gave up for now. I think the lack of sleep isn't helping. So maybe I can get a nap in then try again. I really want the tourniquet to work. If I can get to the dizzy stage then lay back I know I can get it to work. I got there a couple times, but panicked and didn't lay down.
So now I have a butt load of concealer on my neck.

 

[UKscotty]

Dont be hard on yourself. Not many of us have the guts to carry it out. The SI is extremely strong and hard to overcome, even alcohol doesnt lower it much.

 

[Seekingawayout]

Dont be hard on yourself. Not many of us have the guts to carry it out. The SI is extremely strong and hard to overcome, even alcohol doesnt lower it much.

Thanks. I'm just frustrated, because now it's the 2nd, and I planned to be gone before the new year. I tried for hours. I finally gave up to get some sleep.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

If your life doesn't improve somehow eventually the pain of living will eclipse everything.