Venting SI is a bitch

[casss]

was gonna hang myself on my door today, had the perfect opportunity, everyone gone from the house for 2 hours...

i did try, just mismeasured the rope length, so i was kinda just awkwardly standing there. then i tried sliding my back down the door with my legs stretched out, but i coud only get half way before stopping myself. it's gonna hurt. that's all i could think. even if i have zero things to live for, all i could think of in the moment was that it was going to hurt, and that it's too hot, and i'm thirsty, and tired, and i just wanna lay down.

don't know when i'll get another opportunity to try again, but to be honest, i don't think i'll even be any more ready for it next time. i've actually noticed that my determination seems to be stronger when i've just woken up, when i'm still filled with dread of having to go through another day. as the day progresses, it's more like i just don't care and want to go to sleep. it fucking sucks.

 

[TimetoGo!]

was gonna hang myself on my door today, had the perfect opportunity, everyone gone from the house for 2 hours...

i did try, just mismeasured the rope length, so i was kinda just awkwardly standing there. then i tried sliding my back down the door with my legs stretched out, but i coud only get half way before stopping myself. it's gonna hurt. that's all i could think. even if i have zero things to live for, all i could think of in the moment was that it was going to hurt, and that it's too hot, and i'm thirsty, and tired, and i just wanna lay down.

don't know when i'll get another opportunity to try again, but to be honest, i don't think i'll even be any more ready for it next time. i've actually noticed that my determination seems to be stronger when i've just woken up, when i'm still filled with dread of having to go through another day. as the day progresses, it's more like i just don't care and want to go to sleep. it fucking sucks.

sorry you had to go through this.....I have been there. It will play on your mind now for hours/days.

 

[casss]

also like many others i can't compress my carotid arteries preperly and it fucking sucks

 

[TimetoGo!]

also like many others i can't compress my carotid arteries preperly and it fucking sucks

research new methods?

 

[brainkiller]

this exact reason is why i am going out via gunshot. no time to think about who will miss me, no time to think about how uncomfortable i am. just *bang* and i'm out in less than a second. i wish you luck though, OP.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly hate how it's so difficult to die in this hellish world, humans deserve the option to pass away in peace without struggle. The thought of trying to attempt ctb and failing is so horrific to me, it certainly is like the survival instinct exists to prolong suffering and keep us trapped here.

 

[SanctionedSquad]

I hate the realization that I am just a dumb animal basically, I know that my life will get worse and worse but my SI still thinks that it gets better, shitty animal brain.