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[BodyOfDaffodil]

Hello, it's me, Daffodil. I haven't been posting a lot in recent months due to the fact that I've been changing living situations, and the fact I've been smoking w@@d so much that I cannot function without out.

I had a shrink visit last month, and despite my best attempts; I let the flood gates open and I broke down into tears about what was going on in my life and with my living situation. She suggested I distance myself from what she called 'traumatopia' and try to find a new area to live in. Mind you I'm from rural Saskatchewan, therefore meaning that travelling is extremely difficult. Much less moving to a new area.

I had debated the plans initially in hopes for my situation to get better and to improve with given time. However I very quickly realized bag it wasn't going to change and if I stayed in that situation it wouldn't be very beneficial to me; especially when my life was being threatened. I took a risk and moved to a larger city and started a new despite my limited money and what little I had. My new situation turned into a codependent relationship that's mentally draining, and toxic because of an abusive bf that's currently residing in the home. He's only gotten violent a few times, and usually takes his anger out on household objects. He's an active drunk, thankfully not a junkie.

I have an appointment with my shrink, and I want to tell her what's been going on regarding my housing situation, but I worry she's going to ask questions about my current living situation and I don't know if I should lie or not. As this person, is incredibly important to me and they have given me two amazing nephews whose safety I value above all. If I tell the truth, there is a chance I'll be encouraged to leave said situation and abandon said person in that situation. Yet if I lie, then I have to endure. I'm good at enduring, extremely good at it might I brag.

Okay, long story short. I want advice on if I should tell the truth or lie. I don't mind being homeless and have been since the age of 15, but I also kinda want to have a warm bed to sleep in instead of an anti-homeless bench.

 

[Kit1]

I am really sorry that you are going through such hell and that life has been challenging since you were young.

If you trust your psychiatrist and s/he can help with the housing situation, I think it will definitely be worth reaching out to her. Just because we are used to having crap lives doesn't mean that we have to carry on expecting to be treated badly. You have a right to be free, safe, independent and abusive relationships are not acceptable (even if that is what we are used to, it is still unacceptable and you dwarves to be happy and free). Nephews are not your responsibility and if they are underage children or vulnerable and are at risk, then safeguarding can be triggered for them to be kept safe.

Please look after yourself, love yourself and be kind to yourself. Reach out and accept help from the shrink.

Wishing you good luck for the meeting and for having a safe and calm life ahead.