Help Showering tips for SA victims?

[cicadafriend]

Hi everyone, so for context I experienced SA as a teen and had difficulty feeling okay while showering for about 2 years then. I'm now regressing again due to another recent incident it's damn near impossible to not break down whenever I need to shower. I've been considering maybe starting with washing my hair in the sink. Does anyone else have some tips I can try?

 

[BornHated]

First: I'm so sorry about whatever must have happened to you to leave you like this.

I've only had to desensitize myself to certain things after grief- i.e., pushing through the negative feeling by repeated exposure until it feels normal again, but this is not the same thing. I don't know how to overcome it though I think repeated repeated slow, step by step actions to desensitize yourself again so your brain makes new associations.

For hair it may make sense to get a short haircut to make it easier to wash over the sink like that across a longer term!
I find a lot of the bad smell can be mitigated by just washing the main "problem" areas. Smelly pits can be washed over the sink. For your privates, filling a cup/jug with water and rinsing after soap can be done while sitting on a toilet.
I've had someone say scented body wipes over the arms and such can help as well. There's also sanitized wipes for private parts.

Idk what situation you find yourself in now, but if it's because of someone else you live with maybe certain measures can help in the form of preventing it somehow, like checking to see when they get busy with certain activities that reduce the likelihood you're gonna get assaulted (i.e. showering fast when they're walking the dog or smth, as an example) or possibly even a different site (gyms have showers you can use). Maybe keeping a broom or polearm style thing at hand you could defend yourself with to create a bit of distance or buy some time should the need arise.

 

[todienomore]

I use this to shower less, I wouldnt put it on sensitive skin but it works great for my armpits https://wellnessmama.com/natural-home/magnesium-oil/

 

[SoftWorries]

I've been struggling with this for 15 years. I've found listening to loud music and not having the water flow over my ears to be the only thing that makes it barrable.

 

[somedayillbefree]

Washing your hair in the sink is a good idea. I second BornHated's suggestions of spot washing and wipes, that's what I do when I'm hiking and it works alright in a pinch. There are "dry" shampoos and conditioners designed to be used on the go without water too. If you're allowed to change/upgrade the locks in your current home, I've found that gives me peace of mind. The landlord at my last apartment was a cheap bastard who recycled an exterior shed door when the bathroom door broke, so rather than dinky interior quality locks it had a solid deadbolt lock, a bar bolt, and a swing latch. Clicking those into place so I could be sure NO ONE was getting in before I took my clothes off was really reassuring.

 

[NoLongerHuman.]

I'm sorry for what you went through, and I'm in the same situation. What I'm trying to do is do quick bird baths in the bathroom. I usually barricade myself inside there. I first wash my hair, then I take off my top and quickly wash in the sink, then put my top back on and do the same with the bottom parts. It's not 100℅ clean, but its better than not showering at all. Sorry if this isnt helpful. I wish you the best.

 

[ConstantPain]

I'm so sorry for the terrible things you've gone through and it makes total sense that you're struggling with showering. It's really difficult for me too and I never realized how common it is.
I definitely agree with the suggestion to have multiple, secure locks on doors. If you don't already have a removable, handheld shower head, I recommend getting one. Sometimes all I can manage to do are half showers and the handheld lets me target areas. It makes it much easier to clean my lower half. My upper half is more challenging for me. Especially if you have longer hair, maybe using products that you really like the smell of can help. I try to remind myself that I do like it when my hair smells clean. Plus everytime I don't wash my hair enough it ends up in knots and it's super irritating and time consuming to get them out. It hasn't really helped yet but everytime I have to deal with that I vow to never let it happen again.

 

[sadstuffie]

tbh what helps me is showering in the dark. im sorry for your situation.

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

You could replace the shower head with a wider one to rinse yourself quickly. If you have the type of child-safety lock that can be opened from the outside with a coin, then it would be worth replacing the lock with a different one to feel safer. I live in a rented house and I can't replace the lock without inviting awkward questions, so I feel safer keeping an eye on the door while showering even though there's no need to atm, it's easier to do that if you get a handheld shower.

 

[mazzy]

for a while I would just wear clothes in to the shower since the naked part was triggering for me, T-shirt and shorts. Then after that I just showered in the dark. For the longest time I would just fill the bathtub up like 1/4, sit on the edge of the tub with my feet in the water, and just use a cup to get myself wet, soap myself down, rinse then repeat as needed.

 

[misarexic]

i have a special swim shirt and swim shorts for showering, and i only shower in the dark. when i'm done showering, i just hang the swim clothes on the curtain rod and they'll dry up for my next use usually.

as other people have mentioned, blasting music is also great because the sound of water can be very triggering.

i hope you stay safe and loved

 

[cicadafriend]

i have a special swim shirt and swim shorts for showering, and i only shower in the dark. when i'm done showering, i just hang the swim clothes on the curtain rod and they'll dry up for my next use usually.

as other people have mentioned, blasting music is also great because the sound of water can be very triggering.

i hope you stay safe and loved

I think that may work for me, I just hope the people I live with don't think I'm weird haha.. but thank you!

 

[nozomu]

How about baths? I usually take baths because of physical pain and the experience is a lot different from showering

 

[illvoid]

Personally, showering in the dark helps me. It takes some getting used to and learning to navigate, but it beats reliving your trauma every time you need to clean yourself.