Discussion Should I try telling my ex before I go?

[Reflection]

I'm thinking of contacting her right before I try to attempt: I know that chances are, it'll be considered as highly toxic and manipulative and I'll end up blocked. But at that point, it doesn't matter at all because I'll be going anyway, I'm actually more concerned that she might end up feeling immense guilt if my attempt succeeds. But then again I really want to try my luck with it, maybe she'll be compassionate and be willing to work things through slowly? I don't know.

I also feel guilty to put that kind of pressure on her, but fuck me I have no other way out...I really wish there can be another way... But it just isn't fair no matter which way I look at it: If I stay then I'll continue on suffering till I die of old age...If I die then my family will be in pain...If I try telling her in an attempt to end all of this then it has a high likelihood of going to shit either way...I really wish she could put herself in my shoes or read my mind instead.

 

[Erring]

I'm sorry about your situation... I share some details so I can put my feet onto your shoes a bit. Telling your ex it's almost always never apropiate, I think, because it'll end up hurting other unnecesarily, and that's never okay :/

 

[Reflection]

I'm sorry about your situation... I share some details so I can put my feet onto your shoes a bit. Telling your ex it's almost always never apropiate, I think, because it'll end up hurting other unnecesarily, and that's never okay :/

I know that... and it really sucks, but she's bound to find out after I go anyway...but the fact that I am hurt to this point even after a year, how else can she see that before it's too late?

 

[Erring]

I know that... and it really sucks, but she's bound to find out after I go anyway...but the fact that I am hurt to this point even after a year, how else can she see that before it's too late?

It sucks for everyone, but in the end, if one person doesn't want to be in our life, we must respect their wish. I'm sorry that my words offer no comfort: I myself wish I still had many other people in my life, but that's a weight that one must carry by itself.

 

[LionDad]

I'm thinking of contacting her right before I try to attempt: I know that chances are, it'll be considered as highly toxic and manipulative and I'll end up blocked. But at that point, it doesn't matter at all because I'll be going anyway, I'm actually more concerned that she might end up feeling immense guilt if my attempt succeeds. But then again I really want to try my luck with it, maybe she'll be compassionate and be willing to work things through slowly? I don't know.

I also feel guilty to put that kind of pressure on her, but fuck me I have no other way out...I really wish there can be another way... But it just isn't fair no matter which way I look at it: If I stay then I'll continue on suffering till I die of old age...If I die then my family will be in pain...If I try telling her in an attempt to end all of this then it has a high likelihood of going to shit either way...I really wish she could put herself in my shoes or read my mind instead.

I fully understand your desire to minimise her guilt and your hope to work things through with her. I share similar feelings. I wouldn't contact mine though, even if there was a chance of working things through as a result because I would then never believe she was with me because she wants to be and not out of guilt or fear of me closing the book. I think it would eat me alive. I think, whatever you decide to do to or with yourself, you need to think telling her through carefully

 

[Reflection]

It sucks for everyone, but in the end, if one person doesn't want to be in our life, we must respect their wish. I'm sorry that my words offer no comfort: I myself wish I still had many other people in my life, but that's a weight that one must carry by itself.

I respect her wish, but I simply cannot bear this pain for the rest of my life...And even if I don't tell her she will still find out I did it...this situation is just fucked all around.

I fully understand your desire to minimise her guilt and your hope to work things through with her. I share similar feelings. I wouldn't contact mine though, even if there was a chance of working things through as a result because I would then never believe she was with me because she wants to be and not out of guilt or fear of me closing the book. I think it would eat me alive. I think, whatever you decide to do to or with yourself, you need to think telling her through carefully

For long I tried explaining to her how I've been in pain but she just doesn't want to hear any of it. I also plan on sending her a delayed message in which Im expressing my love for her and reassuring her that it's not her fault before I CTB. At this point it seems the best I could do, I just wish it didn't have to be this way.