Discussion Should i tell my bf about my molestation?

[c.c]

I have been molested twice and knows about the 1st one but not about the 2nd one because i am scared of his judgment..when i told him about my first molestation his reaction was understanding..he cried for me? And i want to tell him about the 2nd one too but there are some really gruesome things that happend in those 2 months of torture and had to do a lot of things just to protect myself from not getting raped..he does know a bit about it but it's not even 1% and that molester is way too scared of my current bf ( not future husband or whatever not my parents not his family..no no one except my bf) but my bf isn't the most empathetic? Not the most caring or considerate? And i doubt if he even likes me let alone love me(due to past) and last year his family found out about us ( 8 times) and he is kinda going against his family to be in a relationship with me(he is an only child and adores his family)
But if i tell him everything..will he leave? I mean he will leave someday but he is my last sense of security atp..
I might have to see that molester soon irl..if i don't successfully die this month ( and this wont be the only time..would have to see him more by time)
I just don't know how to ask my bf for help? And what kind of help? Or should i even ask for his help? I am not able to make a decision ..just can't think straight..any advice or guidance?

 

[Dejected 55]

I've never been sexually abused, and I'm not completely sure as a man I would process it the same as a woman would even if I had. So take all of this with a grain of salt.

You don't have to share anything with your boyfriend that you don't want. Even if you think not sharing might affect your relationship. If he does care about you, though, I would think he would want to know so that he can fully support you. If you share with him and he doesn't fully support you, then as much as that might hurt I would personally rather know that as soon as possible before I really needed to lean on him for something.

Granted, I have zero success in my life of finding anyone to love and support me at all. I come from a place of only experiencing rejection. However, each time I have tried I promise myself that I will not hold previous women against the current one I am trying to attract. I don't hold a current love responsible for anything they haven't said or done to me. And I approached each new attempt at forming a relationship being open and honest about myself and trusting of her until she gives me a reason to back away. I know that as much as the past has hurt, if I don't let myself be open to the present, then I have no future.

To be fair, after my last failure (for full context) I have given up on life in general at this point... but if I were in a relationship or trying to have one, and there was a trauma in my past, I would want to share that so my partner would have a chance to know, understand, and care for me as I deserve.

Don't know if any of that helps.

Edit: Realized I should add... from the other side of the coin... as a man, if I was in a relationship with a woman and she had something like this in her past. I would hope that she would trust and feel comfortable enough with me to be open and share it with me and give me the opportunity to support her in whatever way that she needed.

 

[c.c]

I've never been sexually abused, and I'm not completely sure as a man I would process it the same as a woman would even if I had. So take all of this with a grain of salt.

You don't have to share anything with your boyfriend that you don't want. Even if you think not sharing might affect your relationship. If he does care about you, though, I would think he would want to know so that he can fully support you. If you share with him and he doesn't fully support you, then as much as that might hurt I would personally rather know that as soon as possible before I really needed to lean on him for something.

Granted, I have zero success in my life of finding anyone to love and support me at all. I come from a place of only experiencing rejection. However, each time I have tried I promise myself that I will not hold previous women against the current one I am trying to attract. I don't hold a current love responsible for anything they haven't said or done to me. And I approached each new attempt at forming a relationship being open and honest about myself and trusting of her until she gives me a reason to back away. I know that as much as the past has hurt, if I don't let myself be open to the present, then I have no future.

To be fair, after my last failure (for full context) I have given up on life in general at this point... but if I were in a relationship or trying to have one, and there was a trauma in my past, I would want to share that so my partner would have a chance to know, understand, and care for me as I deserve.

Don't know if any of that helps.

Edit: Realized I should add... from the other side of the coin... as a man, if I was in a relationship with a woman and she had something like this in her past. I would hope that she would trust and feel comfortable enough with me to be open and share it with me and give me the opportunity to support her in whatever way that she needed.

Do you think that he might care about me enough to listen? Given his reaction to my 1st molestation and him going against his family? I don't seek care just a judgmental free and understandable ear and a kind of help..even i don't know what kind of her does a person with history of physical, mental and sexual abuse needs..i don't want to force him, burden him with my life or make him guilty of something he isn't of?

 

[Worndown]

If you tell him of your trauma and he leaves you, that answers two or three questions you posed.
Good riddence should be your long term answer.
If you do not have long term anything in mind, your timeframe should set your schedule and how you handle this.
I am sorry you had this happen once let alone twice. It becomes a multi-level problem for you to manage.

 

[c.c]

If you tell him of your trauma and he leaves you, that answers the the or three questions you posed.
Good riddence should be your long term answer.
If you do not have long term anything in mind, your timeframe should set your schedule and how you handle this.
I am sorry you had this happen once let alone twice. It becomes a multi-level problem for you to manage.

Yeah..will keep that in mind

 

[Dejected 55]

Do you think that he might care about me enough to listen? Given his reaction to my 1st molestation and him going against his family? I don't seek care just a judgmental free and understandable ear and a kind of help..even i don't know what kind of her does a person with history of physical, mental and sexual abuse needs..i don't want to force him, burden him with my life or make him guilty of something he isn't of?

That, unfortunately, I can't answer. I don't know either of you well enough to speculate. I mean, a person who cares might stumble out of the gate if he wasn't prepared for what you share and doesn't want to hurt you but doesn't know the "right" way to react in that moment. On the flip side, someone who doesn't care about you might not react obviously poorly if he is someone who is a user/abuser.

It's one of those things about trust in a relationship where you kind of have to just put your heart out there and take the risk and hope you're with a person who is decent and really cares about you... and the only way to know that is to give them the chance to prove it.

And as you say, you might not even know what you need until you receive it. You might think you want a shoulder but he says words that you didn't anticipate that make you feel heard... or you might think you want advice but what you really needed was just someone to listen and he does that. It's really tough to imagine without actually trying and hoping for the best and hopefully being rewarded through your risk.

 

[used_and_abused]

I just want to take the time to say, i'm so sorry you dealt with this level of pain. all sex offenders should die, a public mocking then a painful death.

You telling him is taking a chance: either he supports you or he doesn't. And i suggest you do tell him. Because if he doesn't support you fuck him he wasn't real anyways.

Regardless what happens i support your decisions till the end, and wish the upmost best for you.