Discussion Should I start drinking

[spinningship]

It's like 10pm and im alone in my room ive been keeping away from alcohol for the last couple months because in the past I fucked up when drunk around others. But I feel like shit and so fucking alone. I don't want to get addicted but maybe it would speed up ctb anyways im super addictive personality. Wanna just go get a bottle of vodka.

This morning I was so manic and I went to see my therapist in this state and she was talking about how much better I sounded and looked on the outside and it's like yeah I literally can't stop smiling i'm so hyper but I told her the darkness is going to come back. And now it's back and there's just no point nothing I need to die and I need to go soon but maybe drink numbs it out maybe I can be happy again. Never drunk on my own before maybe it's relaxing.

 

[jodes2]

I think I'm gonna have a bit of a drink. Now and again isn't so bad, as long as it's in moderation. Try and enjoy a small amount instead of getting wasted

 

[necrolatry]

if you've already managed to stay away from alcohol for longer then keep going. it only creates more problems if you cannot control your drinking

 

[CantWait2D1E]

I wouldn't drink alone. It's very depressing. And you've done so well staying away from that stuff don't erase all that hard work you've already put in.

As someone who's struggled with substance abuse I understand the position you're in. You need something to ease the pain but let me tell you true happiness is not found in the bottom of a bottle. Drink now to try and cheer yourself up and it'll be a never ending cycle of relying on something to feel better everytime.

What's worked for me is choosing something else to do instead of drinking/smoking. Maybe go for a walk and listen to some music instead? Play a video game or watch a show/movie? They'll provide a better distraction to what you're feeling than that poison will. In my experience drinking only amplified my feelings of depression. The closest I got to successfully CTB was when I was piss drunk.

 

[lukas19]

It's like 10pm and im alone in my room ive been keeping away from alcohol for the last couple months because in the past I fucked up when drunk around others. But I feel like shit and so fucking alone. I don't want to get addicted but maybe it would speed up ctb anyways im super addictive personality. Wanna just go get a bottle of vodka.

This morning I was so manic and I went to see my therapist in this state and she was talking about how much better I sounded and looked on the outside and it's like yeah I literally can't stop smiling i'm so hyper but I told her the darkness is going to come back. And now it's back and there's just no point nothing I need to die and I need to go soon but maybe drink numbs it out maybe I can be happy again. Never drunk on my own before maybe it's relaxing.

For me drinking doesn't stop the pain. Intially it did but after a while my tolerance got so strong, that a bottle (of vodka) stopped numbing me. Just a depressed drunk, still bored, still messed up. Then the next day the hungover made my depression ten times worse. But then i'm taking 6 sleepers a night just to get me to sleep

 

[valkyrie]

I like drinking alone, I don't cause any problems because I'm alone in my room and I just sleep when I'm tired instead of worrying about getting home in such a state.
I think it depends what kind of drunk you are. I just get happy and fuzzy and spinny and it helps me focus on movies/tv without worrying about the outside world wheras normally I'm a bit too hyperactive to focus on one thing at once.
Eventually if you get tolerant of it the happy feelings go away though. So I try to limit it to just weekends and stuff.

 

[hunterfla]

I'm currently drinking cherry vodka and 7up. I was craving whiskey but didn't want to go out. With any luck I'll be passed out in the next couple hours. :P

 

[starbright2155]

From my own experiences, being drunk by yourself isn't fun, helpful, or anything else that's positive. Is there a way for you to call your therapist at this hour?

 

[pillow933]

I drink every night, usually around 8 pints of 5% beer. It relaxes me, removes me from my worries and allows me to experience heightened emotions that my antidepressants remove me from. It's the highlight of my day, but at the same time, it's the highlight of my day. It's what I think about when I wake up, "how long until I can start drinking", and as a result it's almost definitely negatively impacted me in many areas of self improvement. But it's so effective at just giving me temporary relief that I can't avoid it. I'm so desperate for feeling something, having my thoughts concentrated in one area, that I just can't avoid it. People drink for a reason, it feels good, it gets rid of your worries, it relaxes you. But that's all it does. It doesn't provide any productive means of fixing your problems, it does the opposite. Drinking on occasion is of course nice, especially when you're feeling particularly down, but being able to seperate that from it being a solution to your problems can be difficult for some people.

All I'd say, if you're looking for improvement and not just temporary relief before you CTB, be very careful with alcohol.