Should I run away before I kill myself?

[Moribunz]

I have 26 days, I have piled up mental disorders and I cant keep my body in place. My mind wonders off on its own thinking just all kinds of things leaving me to believe we are all just beings who are aware and I feel im too aware of myself. I dont want to be here anymore. I love the world, and the way things look, and sound. I find people incredibly interesting but I feel like I would rest easier if I just left sooner. I do not want to live. Its that simple. I wish people looked as suicide in a brighter light, regardless of religion or what they have been taught. I know I can not change that but everything we do leads to the same end it will always feel just as fast as it would if we died young than old. Time isnt real. Im already bound to die. Those few seconds ill remember what I had but I can not control myself and I wish to peacefully leave but without a trace, should I run away first? and if I do where should I go?

 

[45thRABBIT]

i myself would run away to go somewhere where my close friends or family can't find me after i CTB. i would hate it for them to find me lifeless. though im not sure where you could go. personally I'd find a place secluded from much activity, away from other people so you could leave this place in peace.

please think your decision through first, and travel safely if you decide to <3

 

[rabid_aspie_yokai]

I can kinda relate to "being too aware", not of myself but of the world and it's cruelty... Running away is something I've tried, but changed my mind the same day.

 

[SlumberingSoftly]

I am also tempted to run away, somewhere peaceful with lots of trees and a lake and no internet or cell service. Somewhere I can truly rest.

 

[All an illusion]

i hope you feel better....control your illusion as best as possible.

 

[squirley]

Would you consider this running away.?
I live alone.
I havnt seen any of my friends for a year plus.(by my choice)
My family (my mom). In about 4? Years she lives in a different province.
Leave my apartment once a week. If that.
Not sure who would find me.
I understand going somewhere peaceful for whatever reasons you may have.
I guess mine is more of an urban seclusion.
good luck.

 

[macrocosm]

I have 26 days, I have piled up mental disorders and I cant keep my body in place. My mind wonders off on its own thinking just all kinds of things leaving me to believe we are all just beings who are aware and I feel im too aware of myself. I dont want to be here anymore. I love the world, and the way things look, and sound. I find people incredibly interesting but I feel like I would rest easier if I just left sooner. I do not want to live. Its that simple. I wish people looked as suicide in a brighter light, regardless of religion or what they have been taught. I know I can not change that but everything we do leads to the same end it will always feel just as fast as it would if we died young than old. Time isnt real. Im already bound to die. Those few seconds ill remember what I had but I can not control myself and I wish to peacefully leave but without a trace, should I run away first? and if I do where should I go?

That's my plan. Go somewhere away from everyone and never be found

 

[dwindlingfirst]

I can kinda relate to "being too aware", not of myself but of the world and it's cruelty... Running away is something I've tried, but changed my mind the same day.

True, not only do I want to ctb because of my self hatred and depression, but another one of many reasons is because I've realized how much hate there is in this world. People just hurt and hate and step on eachothers heads to get what they want. They just ignore those around them that suffer and pretend like everything's okay as they manipulate their "close friends"

 

[Jezzibell]

Would you consider this running away.?
I live alone.
I havnt seen any of my friends for a year plus.(by my choice)
My family (my mom). In about 4? Years she lives in a different province.
Leave my apartment once a week. If that.
Not sure who would find me.
I understand going somewhere peaceful for whatever reasons you may have.
I guess mine is more of an urban seclusion.
good luck.

I feel you. I don't even go out. Only to start my car. My mother is dead. My brothers don't talk to me. I have no friends anymore. I even moved 109 miles away from my hometown to achieve complete isolation.

 

[squirley]

I feel you. I don't even go out. Only to start my car. My mother is dead. My brothers don't talk to me. I have no friends anymore. I even moved 109 miles away from my hometown to achieve complete isolation.

What's the reason for not going out.
Just by choice or ?
for me it just seems pointless there's no reason to anymore.
I have no family other then my mom. Sorry to hear about yours.
109 miles that's quite the distance.
I do feel like that even though it would only be a 10-20 min drive.
But I feel at ease just being alone now. If that makes sense.

 

[Jezzibell]

What's the reason for not going out.
Just by choice or ?
for me it just seems pointless there's no reason to anymore.
I have no family other then my mom. Sorry to hear about yours.
109 miles that's quite the distance.
I do feel like that even though it would only be a 10-20 min drive.
But I feel at ease just being alone now. If that makes sense.

109 miles atb60 kph is much longer than 10 to 20 minutes. Its miles not km.

I am very anorexic and so very weak

 

[Moribunz]

109 miles atb60 kph is much longer than 10 to 20 minutes. Its miles not km.

I am very anorexic and so very weak

I am anorexic as well, I will still attempt walking.

109 miles atb60 kph is much longer than 10 to 20 minutes. Its miles not km.

I am very anorexic and so very weak

wherever you go, I wish you the safest travels.

 

[squirley]

109 miles atb60 kph is much longer than 10 to 20 minutes. Its miles not km.

I am very anorexic and so very weak

yes I looked up 109 miles it's way further then what I anticipated. Hopefully you've found the seclusion you've wanted or have been looking for.
And I'm not to familiar with anorexia, but good luck with eating or not. I'm not sure exactly how it works. Sorry.
I think i do have some type of body dysmorphia. Considering my past looks and routines.

Either way thank you for the input.

 

[macrocosm]

True, not only do I want to ctb because of my self hatred and depression, but another one of many reasons is because I've realized how much hate there is in this world. People just hurt and hate and step on eachothers heads to get what they want. They just ignore those around them that suffer and pretend like everything's okay as they manipulate their "close friends"

So true. People can be fu*king terrible. They focus on gaining wealth even if it's through the suffering of others.