I'm a male adult in their late 30s, UK. I've not talked to anyone in my family for 10 years, some of them 20+.
Recently I've learned to make a few leads in my genealogy. Using some knowhow and the internet et al would create opportunities of making contact.
But some really messed up things happened growing up. After that they stranded me. Some of them had the nerve to contact me afterwards like we were buddies and ask for money. I had to grow the balls to tell them to fuck off.
I've gone from homeless to making a middle-class salary, studying an MSc. This I have done independently. I am not proud of this - I am ashamed of this, I was brought up to believe in family. The money and status doesn't matter so much to me.
Whatever that crazy house was, it was a perversion of reality, but I still want and need to have love in the idea of family. Twice I've approached people outside my immediate family and both times they treated me with hostility. That was at least 10 years ago. I've worked my way out of homelessness, twice.
So what? "Make your own family?" Like book clubs and meetup.com. Anyone you connect with, the most important thing in their mind is their family. You're never important and they come with their own bag of shit. It's the longest of shots, may as well beg on the street.
Should I reach out? Or was it their design for me to be estranged? I'm not screaming for help or testing for points. But I won't tolerate not knowing who my own family is. Why won't they know me, why did they let me down?
Recently I've learned to make a few leads in my genealogy. Using some knowhow and the internet et al would create opportunities of making contact.
But some really messed up things happened growing up. After that they stranded me. Some of them had the nerve to contact me afterwards like we were buddies and ask for money. I had to grow the balls to tell them to fuck off.
I've gone from homeless to making a middle-class salary, studying an MSc. This I have done independently. I am not proud of this - I am ashamed of this, I was brought up to believe in family. The money and status doesn't matter so much to me.
Whatever that crazy house was, it was a perversion of reality, but I still want and need to have love in the idea of family. Twice I've approached people outside my immediate family and both times they treated me with hostility. That was at least 10 years ago. I've worked my way out of homelessness, twice.
So what? "Make your own family?" Like book clubs and meetup.com. Anyone you connect with, the most important thing in their mind is their family. You're never important and they come with their own bag of shit. It's the longest of shots, may as well beg on the street.
Should I reach out? Or was it their design for me to be estranged? I'm not screaming for help or testing for points. But I won't tolerate not knowing who my own family is. Why won't they know me, why did they let me down?
