Should I put the truth in my letter even if it's hurtful?

[aaaannndz]

I don't want my parents mourning or sympathizing for me because my reasons to ctb are entirely invalid. I want them to know the truth of who I really was, that I wasn't a victim, but that would mean revealing how selfish I really am and how little I really cared (to no fault of their own. They were the best parents, I'm just really selfish). But I know they care about me a lot. My death will break them. Learning that the son they sacrificed so much for was so selfish will hurt them even more. Part of me thinks I should leave some parts out; no reason to cause unnecessary suffering. It's not like how I'm perceived should matter to me anymore, I'll be dead. But for whatever reason, I want them to know the truth. I guess I don't want people feeling sorry for me when I don't deserve it, and sometimes I believe if they know I wasn't such a great person, it'll help them move on quicker. So basically: title. Should I include the truth even if it's hurtful?

 

[Venus13]

I would tell the full truth. Respect them as grown and mature and let them know the reality of your feelings.

I'm doing that now with loved ones and I'm not gone yet. Feels good and true. I have no regrets.

 

[NoLightRemains]

That's hard to say. It really depends on the individuals and circumstances. I can say I am struggling with a similar thought process. Ultimately I want my note to bring them comfort, and I'm not sure if me admitting how I really felt underneath it all would help bring anyone comfort but myself. So I'll likely keep some dark truths to the end. My act of suicide will be painful enough.

 

[Zegers]

In my opinion, if they have been good parents, I would omit the parts that could be harmful, you are already gone so it is better to leave them in the best possible position.

 

[FuneralCry]

You should just do what feels right, only you can answer the question really as it's your life and only you are the one in that situation. For me personally I would choose to be truthful to give those left behind more understanding.

 

[makethepainstop]

I don't want my parents mourning or sympathizing for me because my reasons to ctb are entirely invalid. I want them to know the truth of who I really was, that I wasn't a victim, but that would mean revealing how selfish I really am and how little I really cared (to no fault of their own. They were the best parents, I'm just really selfish). But I know they care about me a lot. My death will break them. Learning that the son they sacrificed so much for was so selfish will hurt them even more. Part of me thinks I should leave some parts out; no reason to cause unnecessary suffering. It's not like how I'm perceived should matter to me anymore, I'll be dead. But for whatever reason, I want them to know the truth. I guess I don't want people feeling sorry for me when I don't deserve it, and sometimes I believe if they know I wasn't such a great person, it'll help them move on quicker. So basically: title. Should I include the truth even if it's hurtful?

The truth no matter how painful or unpopular it may be, should ALWAYS be spoken!

 

[blue_bird]

i think you should tell them whatever will give them the most peace

 

[theboy]

you can tell them the truth but always accompanied by nice words towards them.

 

[outrider567]

I don't want my parents mourning or sympathizing for me because my reasons to ctb are entirely invalid. I want them to know the truth of who I really was, that I wasn't a victim, but that would mean revealing how selfish I really am and how little I really cared (to no fault of their own. They were the best parents, I'm just really selfish). But I know they care about me a lot. My death will break them. Learning that the son they sacrificed so much for was so selfish will hurt them even more. Part of me thinks I should leave some parts out; no reason to cause unnecessary suffering. It's not like how I'm perceived should matter to me anymore, I'll be dead. But for whatever reason, I want them to know the truth. I guess I don't want people feeling sorry for me when I don't deserve it, and sometimes I believe if they know I wasn't such a great person, it'll help them move on quicker. So basically: title. Should I include the truth even if it's hurtful?

Yes

 

[Rockman]

Fear or freedom.
I guess the best parents will love unconditionally whatever child will say because they love the child for being, not for keeping the image.

 

[aaaannndz]

That's hard to say. It really depends on the individuals and circumstances. I can say I am struggling with a similar thought process. Ultimately I want my note to bring them comfort, and I'm not sure if me admitting how I really felt underneath it all would help bring anyone comfort but myself. So I'll likely keep some dark truths to the end. My act of suicide will be painful enough.

In my opinion, if they have been good parents, I would omit the parts that could be harmful, you are already gone so it is better to leave them in the best possible position.

i think you should tell them whatever will give them the most peace

you can tell them the truth but always accompanied by nice words towards them.

You should just do what feels right, only you can answer the question really as it's your life and only you are the one in that situation. For me personally I would choose to be truthful to give those left behind more understanding.

I think I'll do a combination of what you all said. There are certain truths they need to know to understand it wasn't their fault, but there are some that really don't need to be said since it's only purpose is to give me peace of mind and would only make them feel worse. I can tell them the truth while still reassuring them that they were the best parents imaginable and did everything right.

Thanks all for the feedback

 

[locked*n*loaded]

It doesn't sound like you're going to, but I don't think a suicide letter is the right medium to go blasting others for what wrongs they have done to you. It's better to go out on a high note. I think it is perfectly acceptable to try and explain your reasoning for not wanting to live any longer and to quash any blame others may feel. I doubt any words will stop, or even lessen, the hurt your loved ones will feel. They're going to feel sorry for you, but they're going to feel sorry for themselves that you are no longer around. They're going to go through all of the stages of grief and there's not really anything that can be done about that. Hopefully, they have a good support system and can get through it and can try and move forward. It will take time.

 

[TydalWave]

First off, the fact that your even asking these questions shows you are acting out of concern and care for others not yourself. So throw that self-centered shit out of the window. It sounds like you really value your family, and that they have been supportive and loving to you.

For that reason, I don't think you should be fake in how you leave them as I don't think it would make them feel worse to know the mistakes you've made. If anything it shows that your inner-turmoil is self-inflicted and your honesty and positivity to your upbringing relieves them of any guilt they could manifest.

 

[aaaannndz]

First off, the fact that your even asking these questions shows you are acting out of concern and care for others not yourself. So throw that self-centered shit out of the window. It sounds like you really value your family, and that they have been supportive and loving to you.

For that reason, I don't think you should be fake in how you leave them as I don't think it would make them feel worse to know the mistakes you've made. If anything it shows that your inner-turmoil is self-inflicted and your honesty and positivity to your upbringing relieves them of any guilt they could manifest.

The self-inflicted thing was my intention. I was going to be truthful of my reasons to show that my decision had absolutely nothing to do with them. But there were some grosser details that I felt would be better off left out. Namely that my attachment to them was very shallow and sometimes it feels like my desire to ctb is out of pure laziness. I got it pretty easy and life's good all things considered, but I want to escape the realities of adult life (which feels like a slap in the face reason given how much parents went through in life)

 

[flightless bird]

I want them to know the truth of who I really was.

Maybe they know, you never know. Have you ever tried talking to them openly about your problems?

 

[aaaannndz]

Maybe they know, you never know. Have you ever tried talking to them openly about your problems?

That's the rational choice and probably the right thing to do. But I guess I'm unwilling to change so I don't think I'll bother.