Discussion Should I plan my own funeral?

[InHerPockets]

I have always seen my death as something I have right to, it's my death, I should be able to die however I'd like and whenever I'd like.

My funeral however, I'm more on torn on - yes, I have my own wishes, plans for a service that I believe suits me, or a request in my note for no service at all.

However - it is also my understanding that funerals are not for the dead, they are for the grieving. In that case, should I not bother with expressing my wishes? Should I allow them the choice of how they have a funeral, what they choose to do to grieve?

Or would having it planned/wishes expressed help, so that they can hand it to a funeral service and not have to make any decisions?

Would it be unethical of me to request no funeral? I am not religious, and it is not something I would deem necessary - but a funeral may seem necessary to those that grieve my passing.

Thoughts?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

It's your funeral and you have the inalienable right to request whatever you desire. You need to have a will drafted that includes all of your funeral/burial wishes.

 

[Kapsyl]

I have always seen my death as something I have right to, it's my death, I should be able to die however I'd like and whenever I'd like.

My funeral however, I'm more on torn on - yes, I have my own wishes, plans for a service that I believe suits me, or a request in my note for no service at all.

However - it is also my understanding that funerals are not for the dead, they are for the grieving. In that case, should I not bother with expressing my wishes? Should I allow them the choice of how they have a funeral, what they choose to do to grieve?

Or would having it planned/wishes expressed help, so that they can hand it to a funeral service and not have to make any decisions?

Would it be unethical of me to request no funeral? I am not religious, and it is not something I would deem necessary - but a funeral may seem necessary to those that grieve my passing.

Thoughts?

I have thought a lot on my own funeral, the necessity of it and the attendance. I really really don't want to gather people for them to speculate or diminish my motives. The core family which already know the circumstances for my ctb is acceptable, the others I would rather fade into a distant memory.

I could arrange with an online document that my body will directly be processed and put into an urn without funeral, it's within my power to request it. But for the sake of my core family I'm willing to allow a funeral, but I'm stating the demands of no outsiders and no notice in the newspaper.

It's tradition here to listen to a song the deceased liked or had a connection too. I'm using this opportunity to request something that symbolizes my departure, it's a unique opportunity to relay a final message.

But in the end you will not be there to witness the ordeal, it's for our loved ones to say farewell and a important step for closure.

 

[UKscotty]

I think a critical step in our journey to CTB is realise once we are dead nothing matters. We won't experience the funeral.

For me, any connection to the future holds us back.

Leaving the money or a generic paid for plan will be a nice gesture to save the financial headache. Planning any of it though is a waste of time.

 

[InHerPockets]

It's your funeral and you have the inalienable right to request whatever you desire. You need to have a will drafted that includes all of your funeral/burial wishes.

Fair enough, if I decide I want something I will be sure to write it down. I'm just trying to figure out whether or not I feel it's worth it, and what would most beneficial for me in my current circumstances.

I have thought a lot on my own funeral, the necessity of it and the attendance. I really really don't want to gather people for them to speculate or diminish my motives. The core family which already know the circumstances for my ctb is acceptable, the others I would rather fade into a distant memory.

I could arrange with an online document that my body will directly be processed and put into an urn without funeral, it's within my power to request it. But for the sake of my core family I'm willing to allow a funeral, but I'm stating the demands of no outsiders and no notice in the newspaper.

It's tradition here to listen to a song the deceased liked or had a connection too. I'm using this opportunity to request something that symbolizes my departure, it's a unique opportunity to relay a final message.

But in the end you will not be there to witness the ordeal, it's for our loved ones to say farewell and a important step for closure.

The spectacle of a funeral is something I grapple with too. I think I am coming to the conclusion that if my people want a funeral, then I should request it to be small. But at the end of the day I won't be here...so does it really matter? It's worth considering.

I think a critical step in our journey to CTB is realise once we are dead nothing matters. We won't experience the funeral.

For me, any connection to the future holds us back.

Leaving the money or a generic paid for plan will be a nice gesture to save the financial headache. Planning any of it though is a waste of time.

Absolutely. I'm currently grappling with what feels best for me in my circumstances. Money and basic plan would be a kind gesture for sure, as I know from experience that grieving and making decisions can be a nightmare. But yeah, you're right, I won't be here. It won't matter. But it may ease my mind in the time that I am here leading up to CTB.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Fair enough, if I decide I want something I will be sure to write it down. I'm just trying to figure out whether or not I feel it's worth it, and what would most beneficial for me in my current circumstances.

Seems like it's worth it to you, important to you. You started a post to solicit opinions on the matter.

 

[InHerPockets]

Seems like it's worth it to you, important to you. You started a post to solicit opinions on the matter.

Maybe? But I'm not convinced either way yet. I can see pros and cons for both planning and not planning at the moment. Discussion, perspectives and opinions help me better understand how I think and feel. CTB is on the cards for me and so I'm planning aspects that surround it accordingly. This is just a small thing I've been grappling with.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Maybe? But I'm not convinced either way yet. I can see pros and cons for both planning and not planning at the moment. Discussion, perspectives and opinions help me better understand how I think and feel. CTB is on the cards for me and so I'm planning aspects that surround it accordingly. This is just a small thing I've been grappling with.

Well, then, I guess I would say you don't have to plan every single detail of your funeral, maybe only memorialize a few aspects of it as far as what might be important to you, and leave the bulk of it unplanned, so that your loved ones have the opportunity, also, to contribute in their own way to honor your memory.

 

[sash]

Hi
Having been to a few sit with vicar & plan a funeral, the questions to which I didnt have all the answers for were:
Songs/ hymns
Flowers, type and colour
A reading
Where
A picture of you to display
Those kinds of things, I cant remember the others...
So a heads up on that, also all black or no black.
If you are doing a pre pay cremation then same as above but more detailed, e.g. beach at sunset, these tunes,and maybe THE tune u want played first, last or?

Leaving your wishes can be helpful, less stress from decision making for your loved ones when they arent thinking straight, knowing they are fulfilling your last wishes on the last time they will be with you.
Seeing & hearing 'you' in the service.

Ultimately your life your death your decision
Take care

 

[Abyssal]

When I fear death and the idea of being nothing forever, which is actually pretty uncommon for me but strong when I'm feeling it, planning my funeral calms me down.

 

[mehdone]

As a mortician- I can say without a doubt that one should pre-plan and pre-pay for their funeral. It is the only way to make sure that it happens as one wants it to- on top of that, one is saving their family from having to try to plan it in the middle of severe grief.
It is not unethical to request no funeral- perhaps instead, folks can hold a celebration of life at a local lodge or tavern or church.