Should i leave a note for my close friends?

[sourokraandfish]

So I only have a letter for my parents because they will be the people who discover my dead body.

I do not have any notes for my 3 close friends because I don't want them to find out. My plan is to completely cut contact with them before kms. This works because they will leave for college across the world soon and will not return until next summer (or the summer after that). At that point, they probably have thought that I grew apart from our friendship and already moved on with their lives. Moreover, they will not have much time to think about me as I'm sure that the stress of college and internships will keep their attention most of the time.

Though, I cannot help but be worried about them finding out about my suicide. I've written excessively in my letter to my parent begging them to not contact my friends but I'm scared that they will somehow find out and my death will affect them and their lives.

I'm no longer their primary support system as most of them have met a significant other and are doing incredibly well. I know they are strong goal-orientated people and will eventually move on from my death but I can't help but be worried as I know how distraught and guilty I would feel if one of them took their lives out of nowhere and didn't leave me anything.

So should I leave each of them a letter and some stuff at my home in case they find out?

 

[brokenbutterflies]

This is my perspective on it based on my own life, I don't think I can tell you with confidence what you should or shouldn't do because in this situation there isn't truly a "right" way of handling things, so I'll share my own thoughts just so you have another perspective to consider.

Personally, I have prepared letters for my close fiends and also those who have shown kindness to me that has meant a lot to me, even if they may not consider me a close friend. Part of my reasoning is because when my dad died very suddenly last year, I was heartbroken by how little I had to remember him by and I would give anything to have more, even if it's just a note in his own handwriting, I'd take anything.

I also have witnessed a close friend be bereaved by another friend who ended their life and they frequently talk about how much they wish they had something from them to help the understand how they felt, and to reassure them that they could not have changed the outcome, a lot of people bereaved in this way turn to self-blame because they fear they didn't help enough (this is something I really want to make sure my friends don't feel).

There have been many times I've considered cutting people off so they're spared of the pain but I've realised that there's no real way for that to happen, because people will find out eventually (my aforementioned friend found out her friend died through a news article that the family hadn't consented to - unfortunately news always finds a way to travel) and even if you're not talking to them at that moment, it still hurts knowing someone you were previously close is no longer here. I know that because I've felt this personally, someone I was previously in the same friendship group as passed away in a tragic accident a few years ago, at the time he passed, I hadn't spoken to him in over a year and while we were never close friends, we were still friends. His death still hurt because I could remember all the lovely times I had spent with him, your closeness at the time someone passes doesn't always matter. So I can only imagine how that would feel when losing someone who was previously a close friend.

I hope this helps.

 

[magicalsarcoma]

I also think that friends in the event of your death will be sad because they couldn't help you, couldn't keep you in this world. But i guess that in the case when you're closer to people, it causes more senses of responsibility for you in their heads. So i suppose that moving away from people, becoming less friendly is a way.
I assume that if you don't interact with your friends much, they have less reason to think that they are somehow involved in your decision. Although there's another problem here - how to do everything so that friends don't feel like they have abandoned you, and this has affected you

 

[sourokraandfish]

This is my perspective on it based on my own life, I don't think I can tell you with confidence what you should or shouldn't do because in this situation there isn't truly a "right" way of handling things, so I'll share my own thoughts just so you have another perspective to consider.

Personally, I have prepared letters for my close fiends and also those who have shown kindness to me that has meant a lot to me, even if they may not consider me a close friend. Part of my reasoning is because when my dad died very suddenly last year, I was heartbroken by how little I had to remember him by and I would give anything to have more, even if it's just a note in his own handwriting, I'd take anything.

I also have witnessed a close friend be bereaved by another friend who ended their life and they frequently talk about how much they wish they had something from them to help the understand how they felt, and to reassure them that they could not have changed the outcome, a lot of people bereaved in this way turn to self-blame because they fear they didn't help enough (this is something I really want to make sure my friends don't feel).

There have been many times I've considered cutting people off so they're spared of the pain but I've realised that there's no real way for that to happen, because people will find out eventually (my aforementioned friend found out her friend died through a news article that the family hadn't consented to - unfortunately news always finds a way to travel) and even if you're not talking to them at that moment, it still hurts knowing someone you were previously close is no longer here. I know that because I've felt this personally, someone I was previously in the same friendship group as passed away in a tragic accident a few years ago, at the time he passed, I hadn't spoken to him in over a year and while we were never close friends, we were still friends. His death still hurt because I could remember all the lovely times I had spent with him, your closeness at the time someone passes doesn't always matter. So I can only imagine how that would feel when losing someone who was previously a close friend.

I hope this helps.

You're right. Thank you so much for your comment. It helps to put things in perspective for me. I've watched people passing and away and always knew my death would inevitably impact the people who know me, but I don't think I understood the complexity and nuances of griefing a close one. I will gather my courage to contact my friends to hang out with them one last time before I leave (I always wanted but was reluctant to) and make sure to make the most out of every moment. I still do not wish for them to be informed about my death, but I will leave my notes for them with a trusted person in case they do find out. I will express my gratitude and appreciation for them in the notes, and make sure to let them know being able to have met them in this life is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and my decision has nothing to do with them. I hope it will somewhat bring them closure.

I also think that friends in the event of your death will be sad because they couldn't help you, couldn't keep you in this world. But i guess that in the case when you're closer to people, it causes more senses of responsibility for you in their heads. So i suppose that moving away from people, becoming less friendly is a way.
I assume that if you don't interact with your friends much, they have less reason to think that they are somehow involved in your decision. Although there's another problem here - how to do everything so that friends don't feel like they have abandoned you, and this has affected you

Yes, you're right. One of my worst fear is knowing that people I love will blame themselves for my đeath. I think I will make sure that we have a good time together before leaving. I think a last good memory together would be beneficial for them in case they do find out about my passing. I will also try to explain in my notes that my decision has absolutely nothing to do with them or any external factors. Although I know no matter what I do, my death will still hurt them as I imagine it is instinctual for us to blame ourselves and question whether there was anything we could do differently when someone we were close with passed away. The only thing I can do now is to try to make it as less traumatizing for them as I can.

 

[houseofleaves]

Please leave them a letter(

 

[FuneralCry]

I agree that it is best to write a note to them. What you have decided makes sense. I would personally choose to write one as it can mean that those left behind are not left with unanswered questions and it can be a form of closure and explanation as to why you have chosen to do this. I wish you relief from suffering.

 

[outatime_85]

I think it would be impossible to keep true friends from finding out about a person's demise.

Real friends will be by the family's side as if it was their own.

With that in mind, if my unit structure was different, etc., I'd leave notes for everyone I thought might have cared about me and for everyone I cared about.

As well as including any keepsakes I may want them to have along with those notes.

Also, depending on the depth of the relationship, some notes might be more detailed than others.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

Make sure to delete your social media. Sick people might leave awful comments on your accounts. I've seen it happen.

 

[Euthanza]

Make sure to delete your social media. Sick people might leave awful comments on your accounts. I've seen it happen.

Not necessarily delete, just make it memorial account so no one can comment.