As others has said you can always seek out and talk to someone the key thing is to avoid saying you have an immediate plan unless you want someone to know. To catch the bus is a choice only you should make without the pressure of any one else, the beauty of it is the bus wont go anywhere without you. The buss will be there for the day you're ready, so there isn't much to lose via trying the recovery method. I empathize with your turmoil though the volatile back and forth of wanting to the catch the bus and yet some innate desire to live a little longer. Talk to any of the members here, go to the recovery section if you want some info. The best thing about this website is you're truly not alone when there are a range of people feeling very similar feelings to you with different variations and intensities. Try to take some comfort that at the very least on this website you are heard and loved by people who have a pretty good grasp of what you're going through. Which ever path you take, endure on friend