Should I do it?

[JaegerBombastic]

I genuinely hate myself so much. Currently unemployed, living with my parents. Very few close friends, and absolutely no normal social life. It's been like this for about a year since I graduated, though it's not the start of my issues. Every day I wake up and wish that I hadn't. Sometimes I cry, but most of the time I just feel empty. I have no skills, nothing to offer the world; I have no inherint value. I'm always shaking because I just want to live a normal life, and for people to love me and want to be around me. The loneliness is so soul-crushing, it's often the only thing I can think about.

I often fantasize about taking my own life. I don't think I actually have the courage to do it, at least not yet. I don't want to do it while I still live with my folks. At least I can take my own life while somewhere that's my own.

I honestly, truly don't know what to do. I can't keep going on like this. Eventually it's gonna reach a boiling point and I'm going to hurt myself in an irreversible way. I don't know why I'm like this. I have no trauma or reasonable cause for me to turn out this way. I just wish I was anybody else.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

A lot of us don't know why we are like this. Trauma or reasonable cause isn't needed to cause depression, since depression can occur in anyone, no matter how good their life is.

For me, being lonely is my coping mechanism. I can't stand to be around people, I'd rather be alone in my own little world.

For others(like you), they crave to feel wanted, loved, heard, and have that sense of knowing someone cares. I don't fault anyone for that. I used to be the same way, but after so long of being treated like shit, I no longer have those cravings.

As for your thread title, "Should I do it?"... That is something only you can answer. We can offer you advice, or talk to you about issues, but in the end, we can't answer that for you.

Many hugs...

 

[fadedghost]

I genuinely hate myself so much. Currently unemployed, living with my parents. Very few close friends, and absolutely no normal social life. It's been like this for about a year since I graduated, though it's not the start of my issues. Every day I wake up and wish that I hadn't. Sometimes I cry, but most of the time I just feel empty. I have no skills, nothing to offer the world; I have no inherint value. I'm always shaking because I just want to live a normal life, and for people to love me and want to be around me. The loneliness is so soul-crushing, it's often the only thing I can think about.

I often fantasize about taking my own life. I don't think I actually have the courage to do it, at least not yet. I don't want to do it while I still live with my folks. At least I can take my own life while somewhere that's my own.

I honestly, truly don't know what to do. I can't keep going on like this. Eventually it's gonna reach a boiling point and I'm going to hurt myself in an irreversible way. I don't know why I'm like this. I have no trauma or reasonable cause for me to turn out this way. I just wish I was anybody else.

Have you tried a life coach? Or a therapist? Have you tried meetup.com to meet new people? Do you have insurance? Are your parents supportive during this time or annoyed that you are unemployed and living with them?

 

[JaegerBombastic]

Have you tried a life coach? Or a therapist? Have you tried meetup.com to meet new people? Do you have insurance? Are your parents supportive during this time or annoyed that you are unemployed and living with them?

They act supportive and caring, but I can see it in their eyes and the way they speak that they hate me. It's the same way with everyone else. They might cry if I died just because that's what they're supposed to do, but afterwards they'd feel relieved. I'd love to try talking to a therapist or something, but I also feel like I want to be at a different place in life before I commit to something like that. Or maybe I just get off on my own misery.

 

[fadedghost]

They act supportive and caring, but I can see it in their eyes and the way they speak that they hate me. It's the same way with everyone else. They might cry if I died just because that's what they're supposed to do, but afterwards they'd feel relieved. I'd love to try talking to a therapist or something, but I also feel like I want to be at a different place in life before I commit to something like that. Or maybe I just get off on my own misery.

I don't know... like, when parents hate kids, they often try to kick them out and refuse to let them live with them. Do you have health insurance? Can't you get it somehow and just try therapy before suicide? It's not some huge commitment; just go and if you hate it, don't do it anymore. Life coaches are a bit different and give specific life advice. It's less about feelings, more about them just telling you what to do... at least I think? I don't know. You are probably wrong about how your parents feel.