dinosavr
and if i’m turning blue, please, don’t save me 🌛
- Dec 14, 2023
- 695
I've been thinking about telling my parents about my depression and suicidal ideation.
I don't live with them anymore so so far I've been able to hide it a bit, but any time I visit them, it's really difficult to find excuses for my behavior.
I want to help my mom in the kitchen, I want to eat dinner with them and just idk talk, play games or whatever. But sometimes I'm just not able to act like I feel okay.
And I don't know if I should just wait for them to ask me or if I should tell them myself, explain it all briefly etc.
I want to tell them also because it might make my potential death a little less shocking for them. I don't think they expect anything like that. It's totally unlike me.
I know they love me and it will be a difficult process for them to cope with their daughter's death.
But what's stopping me?
Well. Even though they care for me, I guess I know what they'll tell me.
"God loves you. Every person's life is a miracle and a gift from God and we are supposed to cherish it and accept our struggles and trust in Gods plan"
So… Does it even make sense? I'm not religious anymore and I know words like that might just hurt and make it all even more difficult. Knowing for sure that after I die they will blame me for not accepting the gift of life. And not just them because half of my home town probably has this attitude. (I live in a very religious place). So they may also blame my parents for not teaching me to appreciate what I get.
On the other hand- Why would I care about what they think? I'll be dead.
I don't live with them anymore so so far I've been able to hide it a bit, but any time I visit them, it's really difficult to find excuses for my behavior.
I want to help my mom in the kitchen, I want to eat dinner with them and just idk talk, play games or whatever. But sometimes I'm just not able to act like I feel okay.
And I don't know if I should just wait for them to ask me or if I should tell them myself, explain it all briefly etc.
I want to tell them also because it might make my potential death a little less shocking for them. I don't think they expect anything like that. It's totally unlike me.
I know they love me and it will be a difficult process for them to cope with their daughter's death.
But what's stopping me?
Well. Even though they care for me, I guess I know what they'll tell me.
"God loves you. Every person's life is a miracle and a gift from God and we are supposed to cherish it and accept our struggles and trust in Gods plan"
So… Does it even make sense? I'm not religious anymore and I know words like that might just hurt and make it all even more difficult. Knowing for sure that after I die they will blame me for not accepting the gift of life. And not just them because half of my home town probably has this attitude. (I live in a very religious place). So they may also blame my parents for not teaching me to appreciate what I get.
On the other hand- Why would I care about what they think? I'll be dead.
