Venting Should I attempt a high-risk method?

[whalestoeletters]

Apologies in advance if this post comes off as extensively naive or ignorant, as I am writing this in a state of relative intoxication. Despite generally lacking a thoroughly concrete plan, I've nonetheless read the entire PPH, wiki and have browsed the forums extensively, and I overall find that I lack the financial or circumstantial means to pursue the relatively safe and reliable methods presented on this forum. I've tried to attempt partial hanging several times and have failed on several accounts, and although jumping from the local bridge seems reliable enough, there is a high chance I will be stopped by an officer in the midst of it. Perhaps I'm not looking hard enough, but I've struggled to find sources of SN that don't ship exclusively to registered labs. So - I believe that if I attempt to CTB, I may not be found for an extensive amount of time. Thus, I am wondering whether it might be worth it to try a significantly more painful, yet effective method. Death by way of, say, isopropyl or HCl toxicity seems quite worthy - I'd like to cause myself quite a lot of pain, if possible, as I feel it might at least provide vindication while I pass. If they ever do find me, I'll get some kind of sympathy. At least they'll understand how much it hurt, physically. The only thing I that I think might get in the way of this would be the SI - I might panic a bit too early and call an ambulance, which might result in potential permanent damage to my body if I might survive. Weighing the risks, though, perhaps the dampening of SI with a significant degree of alcohol might be worth it.