Should be CTB’ing soon

[goodoldnoname923]

I believe i'm going to use this thread to log my thoughts and concerns in my last day(s) on earth wether I attempt tonight or tomorrow purely depends on wether i get tickets to this local football game i'm going too. And no that wouldn't be the reason to die its just purely its a night time KO so if i was going home to die straight after i'd have to force myself into that mindset which is why i'd just rather put it off till the next day


I finally have a method that again according to my friend's experience is extremely painless and effective wether that will be the case for me i'd have to see

Part of me fears being found before my body had fully shut down or even the possible fear of what lies beyond the afterlife at times it brings me closure but the closer i get to it at times i find myself fearing it

But the again there is all the hatred I receive somewhat rightfully,the lack of enjoyment in life my inability to matain and sustain relationships…

I feel somewhat at bliss or ease writing this rn but it was only an hour ago i felt terrible again being consumed by all the hate and torment…I hope it'll be offer soon

I appreciate all the kind words helpful information and advice I've received over the past month or so I've been here and I genuinely wish i had came here sooner

There is alot of things i wish i had done and handled differently not just these past few months but years too

Yet i feel this sense of happiness but why? I barely even sleep anymore it seems

Afterall these failed idealisations of my death and people around me getting tried and not caring although I want them too hopefully finally i can find the peace I've been looking for

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

Curious to hear about your method, if you don't mind sharing.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

Good luck to you. You aren't alone.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Curious to hear about your method, if you don't mind sharing.

Planning to use a drawstring polyester bag with some deodorant (aerosol)

In theory i should pass out before any pain would take place according to my friends accounts who has trialed this it has been extremely painless

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

Planning to use a drawstring polyester bag with some deodorant (aerosol)

In theory i should pass out before any pain would take place according to my friends accounts who has trialed this it has been extremely painless

Seems highly unorthodox, I hope it works and you can stay at peace

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Seems highly unorthodox, I hope it works and you can stay at peace

It certainly is but i feel it's definitely an improvement on my variation on the method I can't speak from personal experience as I haven't tried it myself yet but here is my friends accounts

"I just tried it with the gym bag, 2 minutes and 17 seconds, yes I stopped the time, my heart started racing and I got dizzy, also pressure on the head and after a while my eyes started flashing and that's when I took it off. It wasn't scary at all actually, yes it was completely dark, my eyes starting to flash though, that was very scary"

"Just was in the bag for about 5 minutes, but I didn't really suffocate, I was just about to pass out idk"

"So I just tried that method and it's actually pretty good, was in the bag for about 7-8 minutes and lost my sight a bit, probably because of the lack of oxygen, but I also tied something around my neck and tied it so strong that it cut off a little of the blood flow to the brain, which would probably help pass out even faster. I panicked because of losing my sight sadly, I feel so happy about finally having a reliable way out And it felt pretty peaceful too"

Again they've trialed and errored it a few times but given my experience with bags beforehand perhaps i can get this done 1st time

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

Seems highly unorthodox, I hope it works and you can stay at peace

Yeah it sounds difficult to me, but if you're successful @goodoldnoname923 then you've done a service by creating another way to peacefully (relatively speaking) end existence.

 

[Eudaimonic]

Planning to use a drawstring polyester bag with some deodorant (aerosol)

In theory i should pass out before any pain would take place according to my friends accounts who has trialed this it has been extremely painless

I'm not sure about the efficacy of this method.
Have you seen this thread?: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...eath-from-inhaling-a-lot-of-deodorant.161319/
It seems like there are some definite risks.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

I'm not sure about the efficacy of this method.
Have you seen this thread?: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...eath-from-inhaling-a-lot-of-deodorant.161319/
It seems like there are some definite risks.

The aerosol isn't intended to kill just to incapacitate quicker,as it reduced the oxygen in the bag but my friend tried it without it most the time anyways so it's not even required for the method to work.


Edit: although based on the readings i could totally perform this without aerosol if necessary as being in a confined space with it could be bad

 

[Eudaimonic]

The aerosol isn't intended to kill just to incapacitate quicker,as it reduced the oxygen in the bag but my friend tried it without it most the time anyways so it's not even required for the method to work

Ah okay, that makes sense!
I suggest reading the plastic bag chapter of Five Last Acts. There's a bit more to it than you might think.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Ah okay, that makes sense!
I suggest reading the plastic bag chapter of Five Last Acts. There's a bit more to it than you might think.

I'm actually using a polyester bag so i'm not sure this will apply but I'm glad to read it

 

[Eudaimonic]

I'm actually using a polyester bag so i'm not sure this will apply but I'm glad to read it

My bad, again lol.
I'll see if there's anything that applies.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

My bad, again lol.
I'll see if there's anything that applies.

It's all good and yea idm axing the deodorant they performed the method without it anyway plus i've heard it could irate the eyes and mine are sensitive so

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

It certainly is but i feel it's definitely an improvement on my variation on the method I can't speak from personal experience as I haven't tried it myself yet but here is my friends accounts

"I just tried it with the gym bag, 2 minutes and 17 seconds, yes I stopped the time, my heart started racing and I got dizzy, also pressure on the head and after a while my eyes started flashing and that's when I took it off. It wasn't scary at all actually, yes it was completely dark, my eyes starting to flash though, that was very scary"

"Just was in the bag for about 5 minutes, but I didn't really suffocate, I was just about to pass out idk"

"So I just tried that method and it's actually pretty good, was in the bag for about 7-8 minutes and lost my sight a bit, probably because of the lack of oxygen, but I also tied something around my neck and tied it so strong that it cut off a little of the blood flow to the brain, which would probably help pass out even faster. I panicked because of losing my sight sadly, I feel so happy about finally having a reliable way out And it felt pretty peaceful too"

Again they've trialed and errored it a few times but given my experience with bags beforehand perhaps i can get this done 1st time

good luck okay? let us know.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best in your plans, I hope that you find the freedom you search for.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

As i stated in my original post i never intended on doing so yesterday if i managed to get tickets to the match i wanted to watch with the quick turnaround but I can't say to be honest i enjoyed it much just thinking about the one i loved and cared for believing all these horrid delusions about me and not wanting to hear the truth

I don't have an official diagnosis but based on research i've done the last few days i strongly believe symptom by symptom that i have BPD there is very few traits i don't have ironically the few being self harm (not including suicide of course) and substance abuse but especially the "favourite person/anchor" phenomenon most people with BPD posses which happens to be the friend that left me

I have certainly thought more and more about it and i don't genuinely believe i'm fixable or saveable or see a world were she is happy were i still exist

I'm not sure if my attempt will be successful given my low success rate but I'm very much hoping i can finally find peace and do as much good as i can before i go