Venting Shit hit the fan HARD

[catastrophix]

Idk how to even begin to explain how shit hit the fan so hard.

My bearded dragon passed away a little less than a week ago. I was already slipping pretty hard into depression and anxiety, along with PTSD stuff like flashbacks and nightmares. I had him for a long period of time, so his passing definitely triggered me to feel a lot worse than I already did.

I think it's worth mentioning that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), so when a huge stressor or trigger affects everyone in my/our system, a lot of alters/parts temporarily bail, seemingly out of self preservation. So I've pretty much been alone with the exception of a couple of alters still somewhat around. Despite being the only person out, I've been having a LOT of amnesia. It's honestly kind of embarrassing how bad it is. I also have had full on blackouts, which I have only experienced when consuming too many edibles. I haven't touched anything weed related in months, so it's not from that.

The day my lizard passed was also the day I tried to start my car only for it to be completely dead. I don't know anything about cars so some people I live with were trying to fix it. They all kept calling and distracting me about my car, which I barely even drove due to the fact that if I were to drive my car, I would've most likely floored it into something to CTB. But anyway, it was really frustrating that I was mourning over my pet, and everyone around me was just talking about my car. As much as I like my car, I couldn't give two shits about it at the moment. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm ungrateful— I'm trying to be a good person but man, am I being tested.

I've also been taking classes with subjects that I suck at so I can get them out of the way, and of course they assign a ton of stuff this week. These classes have been killing me. My therapist has been getting increasingly worried about me and if she sends me to the psych ward before I finish these classes I will be devastated.

I am so sorry this is so long, but thanks for reading my rambles :]

 

[narayana0121]

I feel the pressure too, it's getting harder and harder to keep up with work in classes as finals approach. The feelings of isolation are growing. I don't have any psychological disorder, but I feel the stress.
I am not sure how to help and have no way of helping you, but good luck on your classes

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound really tiring what you are going through and it's just so awful how existing can very easily just get so much worse. Life certainly is so unnecessarily cruel but anyway I wish you the best.