catastrophix
and my nightmares will have nightmares every night
- Feb 20, 2023
- 94
Idk how to even begin to explain how shit hit the fan so hard.
My bearded dragon passed away a little less than a week ago. I was already slipping pretty hard into depression and anxiety, along with PTSD stuff like flashbacks and nightmares. I had him for a long period of time, so his passing definitely triggered me to feel a lot worse than I already did.
I think it's worth mentioning that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), so when a huge stressor or trigger affects everyone in my/our system, a lot of alters/parts temporarily bail, seemingly out of self preservation. So I've pretty much been alone with the exception of a couple of alters still somewhat around. Despite being the only person out, I've been having a LOT of amnesia. It's honestly kind of embarrassing how bad it is. I also have had full on blackouts, which I have only experienced when consuming too many edibles. I haven't touched anything weed related in months, so it's not from that.
The day my lizard passed was also the day I tried to start my car only for it to be completely dead. I don't know anything about cars so some people I live with were trying to fix it. They all kept calling and distracting me about my car, which I barely even drove due to the fact that if I were to drive my car, I would've most likely floored it into something to CTB. But anyway, it was really frustrating that I was mourning over my pet, and everyone around me was just talking about my car. As much as I like my car, I couldn't give two shits about it at the moment. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm ungrateful— I'm trying to be a good person but man, am I being tested.
I've also been taking classes with subjects that I suck at so I can get them out of the way, and of course they assign a ton of stuff this week. These classes have been killing me. My therapist has been getting increasingly worried about me and if she sends me to the psych ward before I finish these classes I will be devastated.
I am so sorry this is so long, but thanks for reading my rambles :]
My bearded dragon passed away a little less than a week ago. I was already slipping pretty hard into depression and anxiety, along with PTSD stuff like flashbacks and nightmares. I had him for a long period of time, so his passing definitely triggered me to feel a lot worse than I already did.
I think it's worth mentioning that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), so when a huge stressor or trigger affects everyone in my/our system, a lot of alters/parts temporarily bail, seemingly out of self preservation. So I've pretty much been alone with the exception of a couple of alters still somewhat around. Despite being the only person out, I've been having a LOT of amnesia. It's honestly kind of embarrassing how bad it is. I also have had full on blackouts, which I have only experienced when consuming too many edibles. I haven't touched anything weed related in months, so it's not from that.
The day my lizard passed was also the day I tried to start my car only for it to be completely dead. I don't know anything about cars so some people I live with were trying to fix it. They all kept calling and distracting me about my car, which I barely even drove due to the fact that if I were to drive my car, I would've most likely floored it into something to CTB. But anyway, it was really frustrating that I was mourning over my pet, and everyone around me was just talking about my car. As much as I like my car, I couldn't give two shits about it at the moment. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm ungrateful— I'm trying to be a good person but man, am I being tested.
I've also been taking classes with subjects that I suck at so I can get them out of the way, and of course they assign a ton of stuff this week. These classes have been killing me. My therapist has been getting increasingly worried about me and if she sends me to the psych ward before I finish these classes I will be devastated.
I am so sorry this is so long, but thanks for reading my rambles :]
