Venting Shes perfect oh my god.

[cylus46]

I need her. I met her at this party. Life was so dark and depressing, I was ready to ctb but she came. She's amazing, funny, Gorgeous, pretty, quirky, this past week I been talking back and fourth with her and it's been the happiest week of my life. My depression, my mental health issues, my everything is better because of her.

She has a man but she likes me I can tell plus she shit talked her man and her man's a peice of shit but she loves like how I love so its a weird spot for the both of us. We're both loving obsessively. God I haven't even slept this week I stay up thinking about her and looking at her Instagram. She loves sonic so I been educating myself on the sonic lore to see if I can chat more with her. She loves takis so I buy her takis.

I'm on like no sleep but it's amazing I feel so happy and joyful and I'm going to another party with her tomorrow. I hope we are alone so I can learn more about her boyfriend and make her see he's horrible to her. I can treat her better i treated my ex like a goddess and she treated me like a slave. Even her best friends told me tk break up with her but I worshipped her too much. I starved myself down to 90lbs and drank to myself at night to cope but still I woke up the next day and bought her things and helped her with anything in the world she need. Then she broke up with me and I almost killed myself.

But this girl is different, she's so pretty and amazing and she's what I been craving. I have flaws but I'm muscular, I got long luscious well taken care of hair for a guy, I do a skin care routine, I work so I'm not a bum, I'm willing to worship and love her. Take care of anything she ask. I just need a chance. I hope she'll give me one. I think out everything i say and do and I make sure I look as perfect as I can be.

I'm riding a massive high and it's not stopping and I can't think of what life would be like if she dosent feel the same way. I'll have to go back to my suicidal ideation and destruction self harming behaviors and bed rotting and talking incoherently to myself in my room. Maybe I'll just kill myself but I don't know.

Anyways fun venting :3

 

[whywere]

I am older and I mention this ONLY to help, as I have had many situations in the 1970' and 1980-s along the same venue.

First off Congrats, as feeling what I like to call "The spark" is a VERY positive aspect of living.

As long as she does not have a ring "on that finger" i.e., engagement and/or marriage, GO FOR IT!

You sound like you are a VERY caring and kind person and take a little effort and time and get to know her and I bet 100%, after she gets to really know you, match in heaven.

All the decades, I have always felt a sharp pang when I know someone who has found a wonderful soulmate, BUT he, for whatever reason, lets her slip through his fingers.

Take her out for a coffee or tea and let the conversation flow.

I send you all the hugs and love that I could ever muster in helping you to have bliss.

Walter

 

[Dejected 55]

I would only offer caution. Not that I have experience in relationships, because I don't. But I do have experience in telling a woman I like her, only to find out she is already with someone... and then she starts talking to me about how bad that guy is and how someone like me would really make her happy... but then she isn't really interested in me except when she needs someone to vent to... Happened to me a few times in my late 20s/early 30s.

A general rule of thumb is... if a woman is with a guy and then will tell another guy how bad he is to her... she will tell some other guy how bad you are also.

 

[wham311]

I say this with love, but offering to be a slave for a woman isn't the best way to go about it. You don't really know this person and are really into her, it's a lot very quickly, and she's with someone. If she's into you, she's the type to make plans with other people while still in a relationship, and that's not so great. Shell do it to you too.

 

[cylus46]

I say this with love, but offering to be a slave for a woman isn't the best way to go about it. You don't really know this person and are really into her, it's a lot very quickly, and she's with someone. If she's into you, she's the type to make plans with other people while still in a relationship, and that's not so great. Shell do it to you too.

Im self aware i understand how crazy and psycho i sound. I cant help it. She's the only thing that makes me happy but I think im starting to come down from whatever mental break I had these past few days because im starting to realize how crazy I sound. I just feel so happy and I know it's not real

 

[wham311]

Im self aware i understand how crazy and psycho i sound. I cant help it. She's the only thing that makes me happy but I think im starting to come down from whatever mental break I had these past few days because im starting to realize how crazy I sound. I just feel so happy and I know it's not real

I do the same thing man, if I'm into it I'm too into it. Totally get it.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

It's called limerence and tends to lead to being taken advantage of.

"Limerence is a state of intense romantic infatuation characterized by obsessive thoughts and a strong desire for reciprocation from the person of interest, known as the "limerent object." It often involves emotional highs and lows, depending on perceived signs of mutual attraction."

 

[Dejected 55]

I balk every time I read about limerance, because... limerance is only limerance if the other person doesn't reciprocate... and since not everyone reciprocates immediately or with the same intensity, i feel like your feelings can be dismissed as "limerance" and not love too easily.

It's very much the same as... if I ask a girl out and she likes me, then I'm cute and endearing however I approach her... BUT that same girl, if she doesn't like me will label anything I do as being a "creep" or whatever. It's nothing to do with anything I'm actually saying or doing, but how she is choosing to receive and react.

A guy can drive himself crazy thinking he is doing something wrong even when he hasn't... and women are no help... and experts are of no help.

So, "limerance" wouldn't be "limerance" if the girl starts responding to you but was just shy or hesitant. How many older couples do you hear talking about how the wife hated the husband when they first met and rejected him half a dozen times before she finally went out with him and then started to like him? That dude today would be told he has "limerance" and should give up after the first time he didn't get immediate reward for his approach.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

limerance is only limerance if the other person doesn't reciprocate

I disagree with this. From what I've read along with my personal experience limerence is a type of trauma response. Probably along the lines of fawning fused with ones current romantic desires and needs. The object symbolically encapsulates everything missing from one's childhood, parental figures, childhood and current life.

All of my first crushes were limerent in nature to the point that I didn't engage with the opposite sex as I knew something was askew. None of my peers were so hopelessly obsessive in their relationships.

The type of people that reciprocate to limerent people tend to have narcissistic qualities. Being the object of such affection feeds their grandiosity. This sets up an enormous power differential in the relationship that allows the narcissist to pull the strings of the limerent by how much reciprocity they show. Eventually get board and start to devalue and ultimately discard them.

How many older couples do you hear talking about how the wife hated the husband when they first met and rejected him half a dozen times before she finally went out

I think this boomer type of romantic persistence is different than limerence. A person can have a crush, be persistent, feel heartbreak without the pathology of limerence. The OP stated he was a slave in his past relationship and by all description has been thrown into a manic state over a single meeting with this girl followed by some texting.

 

[Dejected 55]

But that's my point, though. People are defining limerance after the fact based on the result. The guy (or gal) who obsesses over someone they believe they love and then gets that person in their life in a relationship... even if that relationship fails down the road... no one talks about limerance. It's only when the person doesn't "win" the object of their affection that someone says it is limerance.

It's like when you tell someone they aren't in love it's just a crush... but you can't know that when it is happening. It's only a crush if you can't sustain it and later look back and objectively realize it was just a crush. And other people can't make that determination for you, only you can realize it if it is true.

Limerance just feels to me like yet another buzzword that people have started throwing around to describe something they don't really understand.

Dude could be obsessed and not give up until he wins a girl over... is that limerance or dedication?

Dude could be obsessed but give up because he doesn't think he is good enough... was that limerance or self-doubt and self-confidence issues?

Dude could be obsessed and not give up but never wins the girl over... was that limerance or was she just not into him and he has an unrequited love?

We already had a term... unrequited love... for when you are really into someone that isn't into you. Limerance just is the latest fancy word for something that is hard to describe and harder for someone other than the person "in" the situation to understand.

Oh, and how about...

Dude is obsessed with a girl he barely knows and, coincidentally, she is obsessed with him and barely knows him. Circumstances conspire (they work off shifts or live in another state or something) to keep them apart but they are obsessed with each other anyway... is that limerance for both people or just for one of them?

 

[Caffeineaddiction]

I enjoyed reading your post. I don't understand romantic relationships. They are complicated, and they hurt so I avoid them. I do however understand feeling this way, and most of the time it doesn't go how you want it to. Which is when the hurt starts. My solution for that, is again, I avoid romance entierely. No one can love me perfectly, and I can't love anyone perfectly which just leads to hurt and dissapointment which in my opinion isn't worth this feeling. But good on you, and I wish you well. Also, if you have any doubts because she has someone, let me tell you. People are horrible. We are all equally horrible, and we all deserve the shit that happens to us. If you find a chance at happiness then take it, because not only is it the most important thing, but it is also fleeting. It's your turn now. Feel happy.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

We already had a term... unrequited love... for when you are really into someone that isn't into you.

Like how the Troubadours would serenade the betrothed maiden of nobility in medieval times lol. And nearly every modern love song could be rubber stamped "limerence". You make good points. I will say that a limerent relationship doesn't require nonreciprocity though. Many people do get some level of reciprocity from their "object" but pedestalize them to the point of driving them away due to unreal expectations (the heathy choice for the object) or if the object has narcissistic tendencies they will use them.
There's a Dominant/submissive aspect to this dynamic that can quickly turn sado-masochistic in unpredictable ways, usually at the expense of the limerent's sanity. I don't want to be a buzz kill for the OP but I think he should tread carefully. He's attributed her existence and attention to putting the breaks on his mental heath issues and even suicide. That's an enormous responsibility to levy onto the other person and if she were to find that out there's a huge chance she'd run for the hills leaving him feeling rug-pulled.

 

[Sir Otwudcul]

I'm riding a massive high and it's not stopping and I can't think of what life would be like if she dosent feel the same way.

I would stay away from such things. Allowing the fluctuations of internal chemicals to make life-changing decisions in your stead is not the best practice. But you do you.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

I would stay away from such things. Allowing the fluctuations of internal chemicals to make life-changing decisions in your stead is not the best practice. But you do you.

I'm not the OP that said that but I totally agree.