She said she wouldn’t leave

[thetaperfade69]

Well, she did. After the promises, she left. It's all my fault (per her). I cant take this torment. I am a failure of a man. I cant wait to take this burden off of me. My method to CTB at this point is tons of alcohol, and a high building/parking garage. I want this off of me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find freedom from your suffering.

 

[cosmic_traveler]

Well, she did. After the promises, she left. It's all my fault (per her). I cant take this torment. I am a failure of a man. I cant wait to take this burden off of me. My method to CTB at this point is tons of alcohol, and a high building/parking garage. I want this off of me.

The people that hurt us the most are the ones we care about the most. Relationships are the most important thing in this life. They are the source of your best memories and your worst memories. When you're laying in your death bed you're not going to think, "I wish I had a better car, a better phone, a bigger house". No, it's going to be, "I wish I spent more time with the people I love". We don't like to lose things, especially relationships that are important to us. I'm sorry that you're hurting so much.

We wish you peace. Big hugs. Be well on your journey.

 

[almondmilk]

i feel you man , i'm in the exact same boat , abandoned twice by the person i loved the most. i'm thinking about ctb in 2 months , i hope we can find pace one day !!

 

[mortuarymary]

What exactly happened, can it be re done?

 

[SexyIncél]

Well, she did. After the promises, she left. It's all my fault (per her). I cant take this torment. I am a failure of a man.

Many blame others for their failure to keep their lying promises. Can't look in the mirror & speculate how THEY might've erred

When I must move on from reasonably decent people, I help them replace me

You're not a failure of a man. You said you're a poor college student? On behalf of men, I relay to you what many say: relationships are incredibly difficult when you're starting out. The possibility of failure is so high — and the cost of failure includes self-destruction — that it's worth listening to experienced people talk about painful mistakes they made. (Like Orion Taraban, Fresh&Fit, Alexander Grace, Casey Zander)

Some may sound rather cynical, but they're covering worst-case scenarios. If our personal lives represent half our waking lives, then why don't we study it like a profession?

If you don't trust those sources, there's a high-profile feminist (bell hooks) who says fairly similar. Whatever the case is, the Disneyfied view of love is utter garbage & dangerous. We're talking animals who destroy our planet & bomb each other. What kinds of 'love' do we honestly expect from such a species?

You were just unlucky

 

[thetaperfade69]

What exactly happened, can it be re done?

Redone. Hm. I can only wish and hope. Honestly, I'll spill it. She told me she's still in love with me. She needs to be happy, yes and being away has apart of me being emotionally disconnected. My heart tells me, she's moving on. But it's not her leaving that torments me, but it's my fault. She tells me it's my fault. I cannot live with that. I've been told that so many times in my life. It's time for me to find peace.

 

[mortuarymary]

My story
This was me last year. I walked away from partner, main reason he couldn't get my illness etc. I became very ill and didn't want him resentful to look after me. So I moved out. He could have ignored me or got on with his life but he stayed in the background helping me. I love him so much but im still afraid. I've got peace now. New meds and both at a place we want to be at. But you are no failure. Please remember that.

 

[breezeboy]

They all say they'll never leave. A promise destined to be broken.

 

[SexyIncél]

She needs to be happy, yes and being away has apart of me being emotionally disconnected. My heart tells me, she's moving on. But it's not her leaving that torments me, but it's my fault. She tells me it's my fault.

Oh, some girls told me similar too. They go for mindfuck emotional abuse, when they're too scared to inflict physical abuse

I mean, sure, sometimes it's my damn fault. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But sometimes it's just blather that obscures the deeper underlying mechanisms that generate those words

If it were indeed your fault, did she offer to sit with you & fix your errors? (Or what, did you kill her family?)

There's these push-me-pull-you dynamics. Casey Zander's model says gals constantly spam you with tests. (Not as a conscious choice, but at the level of her biology or deep psychology. Supposedly, it's to test if you'll be a good longterm mate who can withstand slings & arrows, as she raises a child. I dunno if it's true, but could be an illustrative myth)

Most relationships aren't permanent. When they say "I'll never leave", that's just a romantic ideal they hope to approach. Or did she seriously sit down & study the Science of Enduring Relationships? Did she read Aristotle's breakdown of relationships based on:

• pleasure: not enduring, as pleasures change. Associated with younger people
• use: not enduring, as people's usefulness changes. Associated with older people
• compatible virtues: enduring, and are both pleasurable & useful. Unfortunately, such people are harder to find, because intellectual & moral virtues take time & effort to develop

 

[wherestheexit]

Where you from buddy

 

[iusedtobehappy]

Well, she did. After the promises, she left. It's all my fault (per her). I cant take this torment. I am a failure of a man. I cant wait to take this burden off of me. My method to CTB at this point is tons of alcohol, and a high building/parking garage. I want this off of me.

I hope it's not over a relationship. You are not a failure. Relationships end and sometimes it's the other person's inadequacy, not yours. It feels like yours because we internalize. I know this only too well. Give it some time to see it more clearly. If you attracted one woman, you will attract another and the next one might be the keeper. Just no rebounds! Give it a little time for the initial hurt to chill. I guarantee the woman who left isn't worth it.

 

[thetaperfade69]

I hope it's not over a relationship. You are not a failure. Relationships end and sometimes it's the other person's inadequacy, not yours. It feels like yours because we internalize. I know this only too well. Give it some time to see it more clearly. If you attracted one woman, you will attract another and the next one might be the keeper. Just no rebounds! Give it a little time for the initial hurt to chill. I guarantee the woman who left isn't worth it.

Whenever she says "I'm still in love with you," and that she "loves you," and still walks away (it's for her own happiness per her, to find herself outside of us, which I guess is valid because in order to love properly you need to grow apart to grow together), and fully blames it on you and your failures to love, then yes, I want to CTB. "I'll check in here and there," lol. This is the girl I want to marry. So, therefore, maybe there a chance, but I can't bank on it and take this existential torture.

 

[iusedtobehappy]

Whenever she says "I'm still in love with you," and that she "loves you," and still walks away (it's for her own happiness per her, to find herself outside of us, which I guess is valid because in order to love properly you need to grow apart to grow together), and fully blames it on you and your failures to love, then yes, I want to CTB. "I'll check in here and there," lol. This is the girl I want to marry. So, therefore, maybe there a chance, but I can't bank on it and take this existential torture.

You are still in love with her so it's still too fresh. Trust me, you WILL get over her. It might take awhile or it might now and it will hurt like hell while you are getting over her but it WILL happen. Not to mention, her blaming you? You don't want that. That will set the stage for the relationship going forward, if it did. Years from now, it's your fault this or that happened. Seriously, you don't want that. There are good women who see a relationship as a partnership. You go through things together, not hey this happened and it's your fault. Those good women are out there and probably just as lonely and sad as you are, just waiting to find a good man like you. If nothing else, don't deprive them of that future love.

 

[Linda]

Well, she did. After the promises, she left. It's all my fault (per her). I cant take this torment. I am a failure of a man. I cant wait to take this burden off of me. My method to CTB at this point is tons of alcohol, and a high building/parking garage. I want this off of me.

Have you considered that you might be better off without her? You could try finding another girl.