livingdeaddyke
roses STAY dry.
- Dec 10, 2025
- 6
I finally did it.
and for further background, I haven't self-harmed before until a few months ago somewhere in March, I gotten an x-acto knife and sliced my arms with it. this was my first time even cutting myself, and I have low pain tolerance, plus I was very squeamish with cutting, so it hurt a lot. I just wet the spot where I wanted to cut with water and did it. the few other times, I consumed a bit, and sometimes a little more disinfectant (or chemical solution or whatever).
that was months ago, ever since then, I've been having thoughts/urges to do it whenever I'm mad, upset, frustrated, etc.
Today, I was going through some shit and was pretty pissed, I wanted to use my pocketknife on my legs, but I'm way too intimidated by how sharp it was, so I opted to once again, drink chemical solution, I chugged some water so I can actually consume it without gagging. when I did it, the thoughts/urges just disappeared, they did it alot with the other times I did it, I feel the relief, feeling so much better when I do it.
and for further background, I haven't self-harmed before until a few months ago somewhere in March, I gotten an x-acto knife and sliced my arms with it. this was my first time even cutting myself, and I have low pain tolerance, plus I was very squeamish with cutting, so it hurt a lot. I just wet the spot where I wanted to cut with water and did it. the few other times, I consumed a bit, and sometimes a little more disinfectant (or chemical solution or whatever).
that was months ago, ever since then, I've been having thoughts/urges to do it whenever I'm mad, upset, frustrated, etc.
Today, I was going through some shit and was pretty pissed, I wanted to use my pocketknife on my legs, but I'm way too intimidated by how sharp it was, so I opted to once again, drink chemical solution, I chugged some water so I can actually consume it without gagging. when I did it, the thoughts/urges just disappeared, they did it alot with the other times I did it, I feel the relief, feeling so much better when I do it.
