- Aug 18, 2020
I am so stressed. I've been on unemployment for about 3 months. I did really good this year working and pushing myself. I am depressed and an introvert and blah blah blah I dont like people. I love people very much but ya know. My partner of two years became unemployed and I was paying all the bills with my unemployment for 2 months. She then decided she didnt want to be with me and said she was leaving in 7 days. This is kinda ok but I just couldnt believe she would quit. So we we're going to break the lease which would have left me homeless. I ended up keeping the place in my name with the unemployment which is very little. So she is packed and ready to go. I had a full "home" that we built and now I have a mattress and a desk and a tv. I have food and a car but my "home" is gone as most of the things were hers. Im also very very ill. I have smoked for years with my depression. I have memory problems. Im very tired and my health is in decline. I figured if im lucky I can just CTB in my own place as soon as she leaves. I dont want to be here but im not sure if I want to die. I have a son I lost and several family members right after that. I'm done. So is there more for me? I doubt I can carry a job and this year has been hard. I had 2 really good jobs but obviously they didnt work out. I can barely concentrate when I drive because my mind is so fuzzy. I dont want to hurt someone driving because A: I dont care and B: my concentration is going. I will run out of money. In 2 months I will be broke. I have 5 days until she leaves so I can set up my CTB and make sure its all working. I just dont know what to do. Im shaking with stress because my "home" was turned upside down and my "friend" is leaving me. So sad. So I'm here with SS not knowing what the hell I'm going to do. Scared, I'm very scared of the situation. I have been responsible for years and now nothing. I'll leave a few more posts of this dumb story. Maybe something will come in through a new door?