B
Bear1234
Member
- Jul 8, 2024
- 14
Hi guys, I hope y'all respond to me and I hope its nice lol. I have so many thoughts but my main thought is that I hope we all get relief from suffering. I'll read different things in the chat and it honestly breaks my heart how many of us are struggling for whatever reason (childhood trauma, physical illness, mental illness (BPD, schizophrenia). At the end of the day, we all want a better life but if that can't be achieved, I hope that we all are able to successfully CTB. In my ideal world, I wouldn't be dealing with illness and I would be able to enjoy the beautiful life that I know is possible for me. I am fortunate in so many ways but unfortunate in the most important way. I am fortunate because I have good parents who care about me alot, I have good friends (maybe not super close but they are sweet and there), I have a good roof over my head and I have access to food. I am unfortunate because I am dealing with a chronic health issue. I am in my late 20s now and in my early 20s I started dealing with a different health issue. That health issue lasted 3 years and a few surgeries later + hella trauma, I was okay. I was okay for 2 years and then a different chronic health issue hit. This one has no 'solution' according to the doctors here in America. This was probably the one scenario I feared more in my life - having a chronic health issue that I can't fix and I'm going to suffer with it. This chronic health issue hit me exactly one year ago. Its been non-stop symptoms. I have cried so much all year long. I stayed up praying to god, hoping he would just heal me. Now, I feel hopeless. I lost my job due to this and had to move back home. This hurt me heavily but worst part is living with this condition and feeling like there is no end in sight. I wish I wasn't on this website to be honest. I wish I didn't feel like my only way out of suffering is to CTB. Then I still have 5 percent hope that maybe just maybe things will get better that there is something I haven't tried yet - homeopathic (which I'm doing), or maybe the next doctor I see might have some magic solution for me. The hope itself also hurts. I'm sorry anyone on here is going through shit. I'm sorry that we can't just press a button and opt out of life because I would be fucking running towards that button. Anyway wanted to share my story and maybe make some friends along the way. Much love,
Bear<3
Bear<3