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Futility

Futility

Student
Aug 13, 2019
183
Wrote this as my birthday is 4 hours away..

Today is my birthday and it is dreadful
Why should today be ever so stressful
Expectations and desires left and right
Too bad that none of them are truly mine
Today has been hijacked by everyone else
A wonderful day to find my neck some belts
Today I wish that it was my death day
A day worth celebrating more than a birthday​
 
Sharethepain

Sharethepain

We forge the chains we wear in life.
May 2, 2018
138
Hello everyone, I think I'll add my bit if you won't mind. All my poems were dedicated to one person, but as she won't read them I suppose I'll share some here.

Under a blanket of stars,
Woven together so carefully.
Gazing from behind the bars,
The lights dance so gleefully.

Yet one shines brighter than the rest,
Her grace a sight, without a jest.
To any other eye, mundane she might seem,
To me, her radiance is a blinding beam.

A place in my heart, she always has,
Her smile, her laughter, truly are the best.
As for her name, you might take a guess,
A five letter word, and nothing less.
 
Futility

Futility

Student
Aug 13, 2019
183
That's really pretty Sharethepain, I'll read all of them if she won't, I appreciate poetry a lot.

Here's mine for today:

Feeling cautiously happy today
The fear of strife is plain as day
Had a conversation face to face
Depression gone without a trace
Is this a trap or am I cured?
Feelings untrusted over those endured
I enjoyed myself once again
I sit here thinking, "what the hell?"
Feelings entirely forgotten about
Hard to trust them without a doubt
It's hard to allow feelings at all
As tomorrow I might be curled into a ball​
 
Sharethepain

Sharethepain

We forge the chains we wear in life.
May 2, 2018
138
She did read some of them initially, but they made her sad or so she said, therefore she didn't want to see anymore of them. And now since we have drifted apart, I can't even write anymore, she was my muse, all of my inspiration, just with her smile I could have kept on writing for weeks. But yeah, she's no longer around, and we don't talk. So all I have is a collection of poems for someone who'll never read them and a bunch of unfinished elegies.

The colour of white,
What does it feel like?
Bright, but not quite.
Pure, almost dreamlike?

If someone asked me,
What does it mean to you?
I'd say its a key,
to my heart, always true.

And if they asked me,
What does it stand for?
I'd say everything,

Because to me, the colour is you.
 
Ness

Ness

They/Them pronouns, please
Aug 28, 2019
248
I think this might be my favourite thread.

I want to let go of all these material needs,
fall free into the darkness of nothing,
and drown in it 'til all of me is dead and gone.

I want to experience not experiencing,
ceasing motions, thoughts, existing,
and leave behind a better, brighter dawn.

I want to no longer want for anything,
desire nothing, nor wish for everything,

and keep my presence in this world withdrawn.
 
Futility

Futility

Student
Aug 13, 2019
183
Sitting inside the club dungeon again
The only place I attract guys on a whim
All I'm good for is the relief of another
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother
Always disappointed in everyone I see
They are never there just for me
I reach out for a deep connection
But after they're done I face rejection
A bunch of users just in it for their pleasure
They don't ever see what should be treasured​
 
Futility

Futility

Student
Aug 13, 2019
183
If you're reading this, you'll know it's for you, I appreciated everything you ever posted, even when it wasn't directed at me.


Did you see where my friend went?
I saw them last feeling perhaps bent
They inspired me and paved the way
To take flight and slay the day
Had it not been for them back then
I'd love for them to show up again
Then I remember where I am
A place not healthy for a lamb
Where friends forever come and go
But alas my heart was dealt a blow​
 
Futility

Futility

Student
Aug 13, 2019
183
Inspired by the post I made earlier:

Hello James, did you love her today?
Did your demons come out to play?
Was she the perfect temperature for you?
As cold as ice and a shade of blue?
Did she make that choice though?
Did you really think that through?
Did you make that choice for her too?
Like all the others, are they also blue?
Did it hurt James? Do you know?
Do you know when you deliver that blow?
Did you even know her, James?
I'll be the one to stop your games.​
 
Ness

Ness

They/Them pronouns, please
Aug 28, 2019
248
I've been dreaming
not sure I like it, not sure I want it
don't think I could stop it
they're dreams
of all the things I don't want
and all the things I fear
like never dying
like never finding peace
like being shot
and hanged
and buried
and drowned
and still being alive
and they're dreams
but they feel real
through every story
like being chased
like being sold
like being used
like being scared
because the demons

they won't leave.
 
C

CuriousAboutThis

Uncertainty in life uncertainty for the next life
Dec 30, 2018
533
I'm tired of the lies,
Of misconception,
Interwoven based off of deception,
I just want the truth of here and now,
Something to connect with,
Like my first love,
And my last love,
My only true love,
I'm not certain anymore,
What lies behind the curtain,
Of this so called life,
I just want to know,
Is it true?
Did I really kill my firstborn son,
Or was that a lie,
A lie you take for granted,
Just like my memories,
You try to replay,
Or trick and twist,
And corrupt,
Or replace,
I want it all back,
The truth, the whole truth,
And nothing but the truth,
So help you God,
Or so help yourself,
Or go fuck yourself,
That is all I have to say,
Let's see how this all plays to be or not be,
For how shall the future reveal itself,
Almost like looking through a watery cloud,
In an ocean so wide and deep,
From one perspective in the night,
It almost looks like an endless void,
From another certain point of view,
A vast watery blanket that covers many potential secrets and truths all buried under water,
Do not falter and let this life of past and of present,
Destroy what potential future,
Has yet to flourish,
Or I just want to know the truth,
Nothing more and nothing less.

(Again I don't know how good or bad this poem or poetic story may sound it was just on my mind)
 
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Futility

Futility

Student
Aug 13, 2019
183
I got annoyed with someone with a minority complex and pretends to be better than everyone else:


Your opinions aren't also mine
Your imposing of them isn't fine
Your insecurities run so deep
Insisting on insertion like a creep
I don't care about your attitude
I'd rather have you gain some altitude
Watch your opinions plummet down
Build yourself back up from the ground
Building character was never easy
But to leap ahead and cheat is sleazy
Narcissism never made you right
Your complex shines incredibly bright
The only thing that's hard to miss to be true
Is anything worthless inside of you​
 
C

CuriousAboutThis

Uncertainty in life uncertainty for the next life
Dec 30, 2018
533
I got annoyed with someone with a minority complex and pretends to be better than everyone else:


Your opinions aren't also mine
Your imposing of them isn't fine
Your insecurities run so deep
Insisting on insertion like a creep
I don't care about your attitude
I'd rather have you gain some altitude
Watch your opinions plummet down
Build yourself back up from the ground
Building character was never easy
But to leap ahead and cheat is sleazy
Narcissism never made you right
Your complex shines incredibly bright
The only thing that's hard to miss to be true
Is anything worthless inside of you​
Great poem I like it keep up the great work
 
Futility

Futility

Student
Aug 13, 2019
183
Thank you :D sorry about replying late, I have a thing with double posting and flooding threads, I don't wanna be a notorious low effort hyper poster, so I tend to wait until next day, I am not ignoring anyone, and I really appreciate all the input I'm getting, it means so much to me!

I kinda went dead in this one, not entirely happy with it, but I'll put it here anyway:

Why is it that when I cut
You all come like a flock
You all call it a relapse
Saving myself from collapse
Life is the true relapse here
Accidentally keep on living there
Why is it that feeling good is bad
Just because some pain is had
Call me a masochist if you please
To me, pain is simply just a tease​
 
Ness

Ness

They/Them pronouns, please
Aug 28, 2019
248
I guess you don't care about me like I thought you did,
maybe it's that I'm just not good enough anymore,
maybe you just finally discovered the true me,
and maybe I was wrong about you caring before.


I guess you know me so much better these days,
maybe you've learned that I'm not, never were worth you,
maybe it was only the intrigue of little me in the start,
and maybe it's what everyone else will also soon do.

I guess asking you to love me was too much to want,
maybe I should've known better than to care so much,
maybe this is for the best when I finally walk out the door,
and maybe then I'll forget the way you were my crutch.

I guess it was never really meant to be a happy ending,
maybe it's just because it's me and I don't deserve this,
maybe the trend of one by one leaving will keep going,
and maybe next time it will be I who get my one wish.

I guess I'll get to leave soon like you all did me,
maybe you'll cry like I did so many, many times,
maybe you'll hurt and ache and wish for better too,
and maybe I don't want you to pay for all my crimes.

I guess I'm trying my best to absolve you with this,
maybe I'll hurt knowing you won't miss me,
maybe I'll cry before I go knowing soon you'll forget,

and maybe I'm glad you won't suffer, you'll be free.
 
namelessX8

namelessX8

Student
Feb 22, 2019
111
You're the apple of my eye
My creature of light to behold
My divine angel
My energy and vital force.

You're the embodiment of my spirit and soul.
My transcendental, enlightened lover
And my Raison d'être.

I am the angst in your mind
I am an impulse flowing into your brain
I am the kiss on your breast
I am the tremulous shimmer in your eye
I am the voice in your head
I am the phantom beside you
I am the tear in your eye
I am your possession,

And sweet obsession.
 
Futility

Futility

Student
Aug 13, 2019
183
I split this one into chunks so it's not so heavy on the eyes as it's a longer one:

All I feel is the absence of emotion
All I see is violence and explosion
Deep within a fire is burning
A taste for death my body is yearning

All I feel is pain and frustration
A useless life destined to cessation
Once a time my life was all well
No pain or fear and not this hell

All I now hear is background noise
Everyone talks as if they have no choice
Squawking things they have heard before
Useless unoriginal thoughts galore

My mouth sewn shut for it is I they fear
Insistent opinions barraging facts I hear
Crazy, they whine and shout as I speak
So a life of solitude is what I now seek

All I feel, an absence of emotion
Soon it'll be followed by an explosion
For deep within a fire is burning
Soon the tables will be turning​
 
Ness

Ness

They/Them pronouns, please
Aug 28, 2019
248
hey, isn't that a ticking clock going tick tock?
or maybe I'm just hearing things not there.
there used to be a rhytm to every second,
back when I actually had moments to spare.
always, always thinking about an escape,
expecting something different and better.
guess I never considered it could be worse,

figured that was the worst storm I'd weather.

Actually, I'm gonna share one more. Just this. I was trying to write something I'd dare share in a server that acts very pro-life but still shares that I'm feeling bad right now and none of them fit right.

what's up with the tiredness,
is it supposed to be unshakeable?
is it supposed to be so eternal?
is it supposed to be always?
what's up with the loneliness,
am I supposed to feel this way?
am I supposed to think all this?
am I supposed to be like this?
what's up with the sadness,
was it supposed to stay with me?
was it supposed to drag me down?
was it supposed to keep me here?

what's up with that.
 
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T

Thanatos

Outsider
Mar 23, 2018
353
Pretty new to writing but I tried

I'm the son who's sad for fun
Feel like I'm always on the run
But my brain weighs a fucking ton
Time to just buy a shotgun
Pretty please shoot my head
Best thing I'd be dead
Better see my blood pour red
But you'd rather see me tortured, murdered, worse shit instead
So time to load up that clip
Pull the trigger then I'll dip
It's been a ride, I love you all
But honestly this life ain't shit
 
C

CuriousAboutThis

Uncertainty in life uncertainty for the next life
Dec 30, 2018
533
Poetry is what is on my mind,
You could say I'm trying to find,
A sense of purpose,
In this fragile world we share,
Do not dare myself,
To claim the world as if it was my own,
For I was born from the void,
A light from the darkness,
Or maybe I became part of that darkness,
From the start of nothing,
Turning into something,
Perhaps a monster,
Of what I became,
Others played a role in it,
And I hope they suffer from it,
My past self bits and pieces,
Of it was better at some point,
Then I became worse,
Must be a curse,
Something that stays with me,
Until I forget,
Perhaps I am better off,
Forgetting certain things,
I wonder if I have a future worth living for in the end.
 
Futility

Futility

Student
Aug 13, 2019
183
I keep doing this to myself:


I fell in love with someone new
What am I even gonna do?
I keep setting myself up for pain
Dancing to that old tune again
How do they keep finding me?
So magnetic they can't leave me be
I should be ugly all the way through
Both in and out, too much for you
No matter how hard I seem to try
People jump straight into my life
They refuse to leave once they show
What they see in me, I fail to know
Now I have this weight on my shoulders
What is to come is as heavy as boulders
They're so selfish for refusing to leave
Now I have to deal with how they'll grieve
How they will miss me when I'm gone
I feel as if I'm just about to be done​
 
Ness

Ness

They/Them pronouns, please
Aug 28, 2019
248
You know this is who I am,
why do you tell me to change?
You knew this is what I'd do,
why'd you shove me out for it?
You've seen me this entire time,
why is it only alright against them?
You saw how I reacted back then,
why'd you think you'd be different?
You let me agree with you before,
why can't I care about you as well?
You let me join you against them,
why couldn't I fight your pain too?


I thought we were friends
working to help our friends,
but as it turns out I was
just a minor convenience
and you only cared
because they'd see you do it.

It was never about caring for me.
 
devil

devil

Jun 22, 2019
438
Mine's very rhymey and probably lame

One cut, two cut, three cut, four
No one cares about me anymore
As soon as the blade touches my skin
I can instantly feel a relief from within
My head full of thoughts, exhausted and tired
I sit back and look at my wrist, feeling inspired
Wishing one day soon I'll end all the pain
For now, I'll fake a smile, that's all that'll remain
Deep down, I know that I'm hurting inside
'I'm fine' I say, I'm the only one that knows I lied
One cut, two cut, three cut, four
Soon enough, you won't see me anymore
 
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Futility

Futility

Student
Aug 13, 2019
183
A roommate I once had, armed with arrogance, who would change views and personality depending on what got her the most glorification and gave fuck all about integrity:


Do you believe in magic these days?
Where science and logic dictates today
Do you live as a faithful believer?
While having attended school and diplomas delivered
Do you think you're the slightest bit real?
I wonder how that arrogant ignorance feels
Do you often mention that college degree?
While you lock horns and fire those shots at me
Do you think I take you seriously at all?
You speak as if your brain identifies as a wall
Do you hide behind this self imposed illusion?
Perhaps to hide your insecurity and confusion
Have you ever stopped to see on which side you stand?
Your arguments defeating themselves is getting so bland
Every time you open that mouth to speak
Your lack of cohesion has your future so barren and bleak
So let me ask you why you think you're so super?
Let me introduce you to someone who goes by Dunning Kruger​
 
C

CuriousAboutThis

Uncertainty in life uncertainty for the next life
Dec 30, 2018
533
Longing towards the future,
Of a burning passion,
A glimmer of hope,
To find the one,
Who can mend my soul,
For if I have one,
There is only one who can keep me afloat,
I wish to see her again,
But I do not know when,

Time and time again,
My past comes to haunt me,
Due to broken memories,
And lingering dreams,
And subtle nightmares,
I must bear this burden alone,
Or with the company of others,
Those of who I keep,
And those I wish to keep at a distance,

Listen to the sounds,
So profound as they dance and echo,
Along the way,
As they pave through the days,
And bring peace upon the nights,
What a beautiful sight,
For I almost can reach upon the stars,
As the heavens above,
And the earth below,

Running across the seas,
From land to land,
With open hands,
Moving across the sands,
Into the mountains,
With the rivers clashing downwards,
Creating a fountain of youth,
Where one became two,

As the two enjoyed each other's company,
They were innocent,
In their love for one another,
Even before they knew what love was,
As their bodies created a blanket of warmth together,
They shall be together forever,
In memories and even if forgotten,
For they belong to the earth,
Born from space,
Brought together from the void,

How shall it end,
How shall it begin,
Anew constantly changing,
Maybe they'll be reunited,
Together as they should be,
May there be forever peace,
After the wars of humanity,
And their insanity,
Emotional in their ways,
As rational as they can be,
Time will only tell,
As it should be.


(Again I don't know how well this poem is either good, bad, ugly, and or everything in between for I am uncertain)
 
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Futility

Futility

Student
Aug 13, 2019
183
I once tried to off myself by drowning, if that one section makes no sense to you:

I died that one summer
I'm still walking, what a bummer
Reenacting what once existed
Just to soothe those who witnessed

The sound of water that once calmed
Remind me of the days I was harmed
The still waters that I remember
Now they're cold like last December

Looking around, I see myself in the mirror
Scars left and right to my own horror
I don't remember this woman anymore
Acting like I'm alright is such a chore

I once loved, cared and forgave
Now set on hatred, rage and your grave
Such anger from a small one rotting
Nobody will expect this one coming

Armed with rope, tools and chems
She looks at those she called her friends
You know those who abandoned her
They'll get more than what they bargained for.​
 
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Futility

Futility

Student
Aug 13, 2019
183
A woman deliberately trying to sabotage my relationship with my boyfriend because she wants his money, she has a history of committing welfare fraud by having babies in perfect intervals and fakes disability so she can stay home and get high all the time:


Bottom feeder
Excessive breeder
Disgusting foe
Fucking hoe

Gabby lies
Hope she dies
Petty inbred
Pretty brain dead

Story teller
Cave dweller
Never stops
Need the cops

Creating schemes
Can't breathe
She lurks
Defend my turf

Like a hun
Don't run
Wall breakage
She's a headache

He forsakes
For snakes
She jabs
I pick scabs

Powerlessness
Huge mess
I confess
Makes me less

Not important
Anger torrent
Arrest warrant
I am abhorrent

Release me
Be free
With her
Life's a blur

Oath breaker
Ground shaker
Losing color
Unlock my collar

Kick rocks
Had enough
Hate fools
Just simple tools

Gabby please
Feel unease
Leave town
Get run down​
 
Futility

Futility

Student
Aug 13, 2019
183
My issue with selfish parents:


Hello mother, I'm invisible to you
You never saw my pain to be true
When I told you, I was ignored
And when I died, you roared
Took your anger out on the innocent
Wished for death and imprisonment
Oh mother why must you embarrass
Such disappointment you encompass
Now you just use my name in vain
Taking all freedom and causing pain
All because you're too selfish and proud
People like you should not be allowed
You never understood this sanctuary
You still don't, even after I am buried
Dear mother, please stop crying
Nobody believes your petty lying
Stop hiding your hatred behind grief
I look at you in the utmost disbelief
You are the reason I left you behind
And even now you're left entirely blind
You never loved me, did you, mother?
You love yourself, with that you smother​
 
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