Share your experiences of taking benzos

[noname223]

I am interested in the different types of benzos. I am only a layman but I know benzos are very dangerous.
Here seems to an informative website about benzos.

What Are The Differences Between Benzodiazepines? | Delphi

Benzodiazepines fall into different categories, including short-acting, intermediate-acting, and long-acting benzodiazepines.

delphihealthgroup.com

It warns about their highly addictive nature.

I am taking a z-medication and sometimes a benzos for roundabout 1,5 years. However when I have vacation and on weekends I don't take them. I give me breaks so that I build less of a tolerance.
I am very scared about addiction but they are the reason why I am able to attend college without becoming manic or psychotic. I talked about the issue with several professionals. Two therapists who knew this is my last chance to get the qualification for a job supported me. I am glad about that. It is hellish dangerous and could easily kill myself (to become benzo addict) but solely because of these medication I am able to attend college.

I am very glad my psychiatrist trusts me. I am very self-disciplined and determined not to abuse them. I almost only take the lowest dosage and only when I need them. (not just for feeling better.)

Many psychiatrists "fear-mongered" about them towards me. (Not sure whether it is appropriate to use that word due to the fact benzos probably ruined many lives.)
I know it is very dangerous and in most cases it backfires. I would even say my current psychiatrist might be a little bit too liberal.

But my first psychiatrist was an asshole and not very competent. He did not even want to give me 5-10 pills for emergencies. (due to that I had to go to an emergency clinic when an horrible life event happened the trip stressed me further.)
He told me this is something you are just not able to control. So far I have managed it. Maybe what I am doing with my psychiatrist is a little bit irresponsible. However I barely have alternatives.
Both sides of the extreme are probably not good. He did not even want to give me 5 pills. What did he think will I do when I used them going immediately to a drug dealer to get more? I have the feeling some professionals are a little bit too overprotective. (I am only a layman so maybe don't listen to my thoughts)
In the past they were too liberal and now most of them turn very restrictive.

Another reason I had the idea for this thread was a David Foster Wallace story. I really love his literature but on drugs we had diametrical approaches. In a story he talks about someone who uses (ativan). I was interested which drug that was. It is another name for the benzo that I sometimes take (lorazepam). I think he called it an harmless tranquilizer without risk to get addicted. I had to laugh at that a lot. DFW considered drugs as way too harmless and in this instance it is clear misinformation. Maybe the fault was a mediocre research or he wrote that story when the dangers were not publicly known. I had to chuckle because I am so fucking anxious to get addicted by it because I know of the devastating consequences and he just considers it as harmless.

What were your experiences? Good, bad or horrible? The withdrawal process sounds hellish from what I have read.

 

[LunaRory]

The worst thing about benzo's in my mind is that doctors used to prescribe them like vitamins and then when they found out it's not that healthy they just stopped prescribing them altogether and their poor patients were suddenly unable to get the one thing that for years had allowed them to live a relatively stable life (emotionally). I've also read that withdrawal from benzos is supposedly worse than from any other drug and has in some cases even been fatal (now whether that was due to biochemical reactions in the body or suicide I have no idea). I don't ever want to experience a benzo withdrawal.

I occasionally take Xanax when my anxiety gets out of control. Love it! I'd buy a bucket and take one every few hours every day if I could. It's so far been the only thing I ever tried that really helps me, and fast. I'm also very cautious though. Purely because I know I can consider myself very lucky to have a psychiatrist who trusts me enough to keep prescribing them every few months (in addition to my antidepressants). As you mentioned most won't even consider it.

It's tricky for me though. I get just enough to take one 0.5mg tablet 2-3 times a week. I feel like I need them at least 4 times a week but I'm also saving some for a rainy day/CTB. So as long as my panic attacks last less than an hour I just soldier through, even though I have Xanax in the cupboard which is it's very own kind of torture and all kinds of stupid.
Sometimes, when I've had a really really bad day, I'm pacing in my living room and my brain is going 200mph, screaming at me in my head, I take two with a glass of white wine and I know you're not supposed to but my goodness it's heaven and I get the best night's sleep, better than with Zolpidem.

I've also tried valium but it just made me super irritable, didn't help one bit with sleep either.

 

[jodes2]

I was given a small amount for a month, they didn't do much for me but I didn't feel addicted. But I've read some awful stories about them. I've seem some people having to beg their doctor for more having been addicted to them for years. It's tragic seeing people in denial about being addicted, and worse seeing people have bad withdrawals trying to quit them

 

[Heavenbound]

I have been prescribed several different benzodiazepines. None had any effect whatsoever. It was as if I took a placebo. Still anxious, no change. I have a strange system.

 

[TooConscious]

I ended up reliant on them. I never bothered quitting because I didn't think I'd be here this long. I was aware of the risk when I started so don't know if it was a necessary 'evil' or I could have done without them (I swapped alcohol dependency for benzos basically. Because I felt no improvement in 6 months. When looking back it can take two years to stabilizer after years of untreated trauma and addiction.
But yeah who the f has two years to play around with their options finding out who and how they function besides the scumbag cowardly silver spoons rich who never suffered but are the first to cry for attention in this sick society that people put scum on pedastals.

Anyway I'm now on street benzos which when tested often come.up as.all designer benzos
Flubromazolam and other names you've probably never heard of like me.
They numb the pain but it's scary I don't know what I'm taking. And you worry if it's cut with fentanyl.