Venting SH went too far

[blackorchid]

so recently I relapsed on SH and last night while I was under the effect of a mix of tramadol and alcohol, I completely lost sense of self, I guess, and I woke up to the scariest scenario. my left tigh is all streaked and bruised. I had forgot how the aftermath felt like, and how easy it was for me to get to that point. the cuts aren't even that deep, they're just scandaluos, but I feel like crap mainly because I'm scared mi family finds out. seems like I had to wait for fucking summer to relapse and wear pants the hottest days of the year. i'm scared and a bit shocked. in the end i'm just a coward.
It hurts even to walk, and it feels like it's hurting terribly. my house is full, and I can't risk to heal my wounds and being seen. I feel like a fucking complete novice teen