Lavínia
plalace
- Feb 19, 2024
- 78
I'm starting to panic a little thinking I'm going to have to go to work tomorrow, after some pending issues that are eating me alive there. So I remembered and thought of sharing a story:
At my old job (see, see, work is something that really gives me a certain amount of agony) I started sh again. It was a silly thing, during my break I would do a little cuts on the creases of my fingers while walking around, with my heart exploding and trying to memorize a thousand things to occupy my mind. A little blood would come out, there was a little pain and the day went on. However, I started having more crises, more anxiety and more agony. So I needed to increase the intensity, and at one point, I went to the bathroom, shaking, cut my tongue in the middle... and it started to bleed... a lot?
Look, I'm not stupid, but I really didn't expect that there would be so much blood. I washed it, swallowed a lot and had to go back to the office. Most of it was chat or e-mail, however, as soon as I sat down in my chair the phone rang. Now, think about it: How can you have a serious conversation while swallowing blood every 5 seconds? You do it.
I answered, introduced myself, asked how I could hel- *loses the ability to speak and sounds like a babbling child, stop, swallows blood* -and asked how I could help again.
For 5 seconds I was a coherent human with the ability to speak, and for two seconds I was a monkey. Like, "Hello, how can I help you withuy ghuylgy?"
when I shared this with my ex he laughed so bad, I miss him.
And then it only got worse, another phone call, talking at home... eating... I tasted blood for 3 whole weeks, it was an experience I'll never have again. Even at a barbecue, I ate meat and only tasted my blood there, it was very philosophical.
Whenever I do something destructive on impulse, it turns into a funny story. But the person I talked about and could make laugh with, I abandoned and removed from my life. He would laugh at this either.
At my old job (see, see, work is something that really gives me a certain amount of agony) I started sh again. It was a silly thing, during my break I would do a little cuts on the creases of my fingers while walking around, with my heart exploding and trying to memorize a thousand things to occupy my mind. A little blood would come out, there was a little pain and the day went on. However, I started having more crises, more anxiety and more agony. So I needed to increase the intensity, and at one point, I went to the bathroom, shaking, cut my tongue in the middle... and it started to bleed... a lot?
Look, I'm not stupid, but I really didn't expect that there would be so much blood. I washed it, swallowed a lot and had to go back to the office. Most of it was chat or e-mail, however, as soon as I sat down in my chair the phone rang. Now, think about it: How can you have a serious conversation while swallowing blood every 5 seconds? You do it.
I answered, introduced myself, asked how I could hel- *loses the ability to speak and sounds like a babbling child, stop, swallows blood* -and asked how I could help again.
For 5 seconds I was a coherent human with the ability to speak, and for two seconds I was a monkey. Like, "Hello, how can I help you withuy ghuylgy?"
when I shared this with my ex he laughed so bad, I miss him.
And then it only got worse, another phone call, talking at home... eating... I tasted blood for 3 whole weeks, it was an experience I'll never have again. Even at a barbecue, I ate meat and only tasted my blood there, it was very philosophical.
Whenever I do something destructive on impulse, it turns into a funny story. But the person I talked about and could make laugh with, I abandoned and removed from my life. He would laugh at this either.
