Venting sh relapse :(

[ToastInTheShell]

SH'd again today, after about 3 months. This time I cut p deep, the cut was gaping like crazy and I could see the styro. I'm a little worried tho since I already want to do it again, its been like half an hour and I'm already fantasizing about cutting again. A couple years ago something similar happened, I cut deeper than I normally did and strove to cut more often and deeper each time. By the end of the week I was cutting almost every day. I'd forgotten how much I love the sensation and I'm p sure I'll do it tomorrow as well. I still wanna go deeper though. I know that's an unhealthy thought pattern but I can't help myself. It feels so satisfying and gratifying and just GOOD to go that deep. It's like I'm addicted.

God I wanna cut again so bad. I hate the fact that I'm like this. What the fuck is wrong with me.

 

[DyingToDie123]

I struggle with SH too, it's hard to get over, I'm so sorry you're dealing with it.
If you're looking for more support I've found SIRA (Self-Injury Recovery & Awareness) to be a helpful resource, they have meetings and a WhatsApp group for people who've attended 4+ meetings.

 

[fiora]

same, I recently relapsed too and it makes me cringe with myself every time I'm done bc I don't want to stop and just want to go deeper but at the same time I don't want to sh