hailspark
hail
- Jan 23, 2024
- 21
Hi,
I don't expect any responses to this but I just had to say this somewhere. I don't know what do and I'm so scared. I've been trying so, so hard to get better and I was and I am but I'm terrified. I was raped a few months ago by a friend from work who I was talking to about my recovery and my struggle with mental health and he was like a brother to me. I thought I was getting over it but I'm not. I know that if the case goes poorly I'm going to ctb. But I don't want to anymore, I know I'm going to live with depression for the rest of my life but I was willing to work through it and I started going to the gym and taking care of myself again and I was doing better. I got into my dream school and I'm supposed to move across the country in a few months but I don't know if I'm going to make it until then. He's had his first court appearance and he has this insanely expensive lawyer and he's rich and it doesn't matter what I do because I know deep down I'm not going to get justice. But if I don't I cannot live with the fact he's getting away with what he did to me. He admitted to his best friend he felt guilty about it and his friend wrote a statement and there's proof from our text messages but it's not enough. I had so many dreams in my life I wanted to do so much. I wanted to go to school so I could work as a chaplain or therapist so I could help people. I just wanted to do something important with my life but I know this is going to ruin any chance I have of happiness. I just don't want to die and I don't want to ctb because of him but I'm going to if he gets away. I just don't know what to do. Before it happened it was the first time I was actually talking to people and really getting better. I planned out my life, I was able to see ahead just a little bit. But now it's all going away and I know I'm going to ctb even though I don't want to. I had so many dreams and it makes me so, so angry that he stole them all from me.
I don't expect any responses to this but I just had to say this somewhere. I don't know what do and I'm so scared. I've been trying so, so hard to get better and I was and I am but I'm terrified. I was raped a few months ago by a friend from work who I was talking to about my recovery and my struggle with mental health and he was like a brother to me. I thought I was getting over it but I'm not. I know that if the case goes poorly I'm going to ctb. But I don't want to anymore, I know I'm going to live with depression for the rest of my life but I was willing to work through it and I started going to the gym and taking care of myself again and I was doing better. I got into my dream school and I'm supposed to move across the country in a few months but I don't know if I'm going to make it until then. He's had his first court appearance and he has this insanely expensive lawyer and he's rich and it doesn't matter what I do because I know deep down I'm not going to get justice. But if I don't I cannot live with the fact he's getting away with what he did to me. He admitted to his best friend he felt guilty about it and his friend wrote a statement and there's proof from our text messages but it's not enough. I had so many dreams in my life I wanted to do so much. I wanted to go to school so I could work as a chaplain or therapist so I could help people. I just wanted to do something important with my life but I know this is going to ruin any chance I have of happiness. I just don't want to die and I don't want to ctb because of him but I'm going to if he gets away. I just don't know what to do. Before it happened it was the first time I was actually talking to people and really getting better. I planned out my life, I was able to see ahead just a little bit. But now it's all going away and I know I'm going to ctb even though I don't want to. I had so many dreams and it makes me so, so angry that he stole them all from me.
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