Venting Sexuality and love

[Xocoyotziin]

What do you think of it? Lately I've been thinking it's weird to arbitrarily divide who you can love and who you can't between those who your body instinctually thinks it can reproduce with vs those it thinks it can't.
Anyone ever had that challenged? I kinda wish I was bisexual because it opens you up to so many more people that shouldn't have reasonably been closed off in the first place.
Maybe I'm being weird but it's one of those flaws in life I think where your perfect person could be right there, maybe not in terms of actual reproduction, but your deeply ingrained sexual biases prevent its recognition.

It just bothers me that each of us for the most part is randomly forced to randomly select from one of two pools that are determined by a coin flip where if the result of that flip were different there may have been a better result.

I hope I conveyed myself properly idk but it just seems really insane that there's a cutoff like that. I honestly wish we were all hermaphroditic and as such could double our pools of potential lovers to encompass everyone.

 

[Ghost2211]

I don't mind that nature limited my sexuality to males. I would have a hard time with another female as a partner. We are higher maintenance and emotional, and ugh hormones.

 

[Xocoyotziin]

I don't mind that nature limited my sexuality to males. I would have a hard time with another female as a partner. We are higher maintenance and emotional, and ugh hormones.

I mean honestly I basically feel the same way. Men are hard to get along with in a less intimate context and women make way better better friends than men for the most part. But I hate knowing that my biological judgment biases me towards being attracted to someone because of their sex even when if that bias didn't exist I wouldn't be, or even vice-versa.

I mean think about how much more choice we would have over our genetic diversity, an appeal to darwinisim even though I hate it lmao, if sex wasn't a thing. There would be no sexual stereotypes or anything. Everyone would be judged by their essential personality relative to yours. I'd still naturally select for stereotypically "masculine" entities in such a case but it would no longer be gated by a single shitty chromosome out of 26, where the other 25 are just as relevant.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I wish I could be gay, I've been approached by so many gay men and trans women that if I were into that I could easily be in a loving relationship with any of them by now. There were even two occasions where two of my friends came out to me before anyone else hoping to get me as a partner. Unfortunately, no matter how much I try to consider it I'm not even remotely gay or bisexual. I just don't ever see myself liking anything but biological women. Nothing against people who are gay or trans but if they can't be changed to be straight (and they shouldn't be), then how can I ever hope to be able to change my own mind?

 

[StringPuppet]

I've been thinking about this lately, like I'm 100% straight but I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend either if he was super feminine and pretty

 

[succor]

I am trans and bisexual with a large preference for women, though I am currently in a long term very committed relationship with a man. Sexuality is such a gray area, it's definitely not the definitive boxes that people like to use, and I do believe that someone can be straight their whole life but then find their "exception", a person that they wouldn't normally expect themselves to be attracted to, and that's ok. I don't know. I kind of go with what feels right in any given situation, and find that at times labels can be liberating and identifying and validating but also at other times be restrictive and cause undue stress.

 

[DocNo]

I wish I could be gay, I've been approached by so many gay men and trans women that if I were into that I could easily be in a loving relationship with any of them by now. There were even two occasions where two of my friends came out to me before anyone else hoping to get me as a partner. Unfortunately, no matter how much I try to consider it I'm not even remotely gay or bisexual. I just don't ever see myself liking anything but biological women. Nothing against people who are gay or trans but if they can't be changed to be straight (and they shouldn't be), then how can I ever hope to be able to change my own mind?

the same with me. i feel sometimes like a magnet for gay men. in my early twenties i kissed with some but it was more the fact i felt flattered by their attention and to some point it also was some kind of protest against intolerance.
but at one party with mainly gay men i realized that i never can feel this love and tenderness for a man and that it is also irresponsible to kiss around cause i was never in danger to fall in love with a man but that's not the case for the other man.

and since my mid 20ies my life without any relationships and no sexuality started which lasts now for over 20 years.
sometimes i had a bit of a crush on some women. but at some point i avoided it to not let any feelings even come up. cause when you get the finger you want the hand - metaphorically spoken - which hurts more than even not wanting anything at all. so i stayed away from it to make it easier.

one exception 10 years ago was some kind of an online relationship for 2-3 months but some time before we wanted to meet i felt my feelings dwindling and realizing that this wouldn't work.

it's interesting how locking away this part of me did let me think at some point that i am just a cold, heartless bastard.
but since i registered here, lots of it comes up and feels mainly good. maybe i finally matured enough to be able to handle my feelings better.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

the same with me. i feel sometimes like a magnet for gay men. in my early twenties i kissed with some but it was more the fact i felt flattered by their attention and to some point it also was some kind of protest against intolerance.
but at one party with mainly gay men i realized that i never can feel this love and tenderness for a man and that it is also irresponsible to kiss around cause i was never in danger to fall in love with a man but that's not the case for the other man.

and since my mid 20ies my life without any relationships and no sexuality started which lasts now for over 20 years.
sometimes i had a bit of a crush on some women. but at some point i avoided it to not let any feelings even come up. cause when you get the finger you want the hand - metaphorically spoken - which hurts more than even not wanting anything at all. so i stayed away from it to make it easier.

one exception 10 years ago was some kind of an online relationship for 2-3 months but some time before we wanted to meet i felt my feelings dwindling and realizing that this wouldn't work.

it's interesting how locking away this part of me did let me think at some point that i am just a cold, heartless bastard.
but since i registered here, lots of it comes up and feels mainly good. maybe i finally matured enough to be able to handle my feelings better.

I've never kissed a man, but I have had some kiss me like on the cheek and try feeling me up and stuff and I did not like it... I guess the reason I attract so many of them is probably because I'm rather submissive in person and my voice actually sounds very gay too...I wonder if women automatically pass me over assuming I'm already gay....

 

[DocNo]

I've never kissed a man, but I have had some kiss me like on the cheek and try feeling me up and stuff and I did not like it... I guess the reason I attract so many of them is probably because I'm rather submissive in person and my voice actually sounds very gay too...I wonder if women automatically pass me over assuming I'm already gay....

i guess with me it was more my androgynous looks and i also liked to play with my feminin sides cause it was funny to see how some straight men were insecure about that.
some women with whom i later was in a relationship or just kissed a bit also thought at first that i am gay.

i really never figured out what it was.

 

[Kat!]

I don't find it of any use to me but it's still relevant. I only met one person in my life that I felt actually loved me. I feel like most of what we know as love is learned by our parents. For me, my mother is always controlling, manipulative, and abusive, my dad has been abusive but he suddenly changed I guess.
So in terms of women I like more dominant women, which is what someone would expect the exact opposite of, but besides that I'm more into guys.
I'm incapable of talking to anyone I like, or any girls for that matter, I don't know it just invokes a weird response in me.

We should revert to monki.

 

[StringPuppet]

I don't find it of any use to me but it's still relevant. I only met one person in my life that I felt actually loved me. I feel like most of what we know as love is learned by our parents. For me, my mother is always controlling, manipulative, and abusive, my dad has been abusive but he suddenly changed I guess.
So in terms of women I like more dominant women, which is what someone would expect the exact opposite of, but besides that I'm more into guys.
I'm incapable of talking to anyone I like, or any girls for that matter, I don't know it just invokes a weird response in me.

We should revert to monki.

What's monki

 

[puppy9]

trans women that if I were into that I could easily be in a loving relationship with any of them by now.

Good news, a relationship with a trans is not gay. Good luck
I don't mind having a relationship with a trans. I don't like sex so it'll be complicated with lots of people.

 

[Kat!]

What's monki

Lul just a joke. A lot of people say "revert to monkey" meaning things should be like back then.

 

[Deleted member 23374]

I hate being gay,
point out the better way to gut an asshole, and GASP! but i thought you were gay.

I had more witty crap to put here but meh
i hate being in a box, you get the idea

i'm so fucking angry today

 

[262653]

I hope I conveyed myself properly idk but it just seems really insane that there's a cutoff like that. I honestly wish we were all hermaphroditic and as such could double our pools of potential lovers to encompass everyone.

Sounds optimal for the collective well-being of all currently living humans, maybe. It doesn't seem to me that nature has such plans in mind. I don't like the competitiveness existing between members of the same sexes for mates, different mating strategies existing between sexes, conflicts for status and resources.
Competitiveness is only good for the winners, but nature seems to program almost everyone to put everything into the fight, winners and losers alike.

Lately I've been thinking it's weird to arbitrarily divide who you can love and who you can't between those who your body instinctually thinks it can reproduce with vs those it thinks it can't.

Recently I've heard a few terms used in biology (but are not exclusive to it): ultimate causation and proximate causation. Roughly speaking (I could be misunderstanding it), ultimate causation say that it's evolutionary adaptive to be attracted to creatures you can reproduce with, and proximate causation would say that the person looks pretty, that there are these and these traits that make you sexually attracted to that person.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I have been in love and for me it is based on need, desire, sex and addiction.

I have loved. For me that is based on none of the above. It transcends sex, gender, anything. You can love a place, a time, a pet, a friend, a lover.

Often the two things are separate, but sometimes with a partner they can become linked. To love and be in love also must be amazing, but not something I've experienced.

 

[summers]

I agree, sexuality is a strange thing. I'm a guy and I've always been in straight relationships, both fwb and committed. I just can't see myself with another guy, and have never been attracted to a male. But I would have no problem being with a passable trans woman...

 

[stygal]

I am bisexual and it's just as complicated as being with only one gender - Imo.
(Also I have never really been in love so I can't comment on that, everyone I was together with were just "crushes" or I deluded myself enough to think I loved them at one point.)

What I also find so strange is how one is only are able to truly form an intimate relationship with someone who is both mentally and physically attractive. It's never just one component. At least for me it never was. Thus my potential partners were few and far between and it always takes a long time to find a potential match.

It would be a whole different game if we either all looked/smelled the same or had no physical body to begin with...thus taking away the "optical/physical" attraction.
Very interesting to see what bonds we would form and how we got along then.

 

[MrBlue]

I haven't had any attention other than other guys since I was about 11, so on paper being bisexual might have helped me form a relationship with someone. I'm definitely straight though, and actually have slightly unusual preferences that make it even harder for me personally.

I do tend to form very strong bonds with the few people I can, and when I was 14/15 most people assumed that I was in a relationship with a guy I was friends with. If there wasn't a sexual component to it I wouldn't mind being in a pseudo-relationship with a guy, like a life partner kinda deal.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Good news, a relationship with a trans is not gay. Good luck
I don't mind having a relationship with a trans. I don't like sex so it'll be complicated with lots of people.

I mean you're right it isn't, but it's still not exactly what I'm looking for unfortunately. I imagine not all gay men or straight women would be interested in trans men either...

 

[Deleted member 19276]

Love can not simply be material... It has to be built out of trust and honesty, understanding and most importantly - The will of both sides to keep moving forward.
The sexuality part, well, that counts too, though that pays more respect to the material side of things. Heck, even procreation, if you are not an antinatalist.
If it's done for only "hiding your magic stick" or well, the intercourse is what I mean, then perhaps it should not be considered true?
My 5 bucks take on it. Be it on a quantum level, be it brain waves, be it the sacrifice for that special soul mate, love... There has to be more to it than the bounds of the all known material world surrounding us. It comes with it's fair share of pros and cons, however. It is both deadly, and a cure.