Story Set my date 11th June

[madbananas]

Who knew. I was so upset tonight that I did a thing which made me sure that I need to go soon. I had a friend who hanged herself so there's no reason I cannot. Plus, as anyone knows who has been in contact with my posts, I am too devastated by people I've cared about and who've abandoned me. At least now I can take some time to come up with a decent note. The note will however be explicit. I get that sounds selfish, but you need to trust me that it's better to be highlighted in my note, than me leaving it out.
Omg I just got an email from twitter from someone who is apparently worried about me. My last suicidal post was about over a month back. God knows who it was who reported me, but I've had no post or message recently to try talk to me lol. I'm actually shocked.

 

[madbananas]

Glad you took a second to breathe and decided to reconsider.

Yeah after my evening I definitely did reconsider. Now I have had a random reporting me for my last tweet which was over a month ago. Thankfully Twitter only send a message of concern but the fact that I'm getting it now is like wtf. Making me ready for my date set all the more. How dare someone report me from a month ago, jokes on the all I got sent was the hotlines to contact.

Yeah after my evening I definitely did reconsider. Now I have had a random reporting me for my last tweet which was over a month ago. Thankfully Twitter only send a message of concern but the fact that I'm getting it now is like wtf. Making me ready for my date set all the more. How dare someone report me from a month ago, jokes on the all I got sent was the hotlines to contact.

Thank you for talking with me, it was nice speaking to someone :)
no, people do not care about me lol. Even if they did "care" about me it was all fake. No one has ever loved me and everyone has just abandoned me.

Yeah after my evening I definitely did reconsider. Now I have had a random reporting me for my last tweet which was over a month ago. Thankfully Twitter only send a message of concern but the fact that I'm getting it now is like wtf. Making me ready for my date set all the more. How dare someone report me from a month ago, jokes on the all I got sent was the hotlines to contact.

Thank you for talking with me, it was nice speaking to someone :)
no, people do not care about me lol. Even if they did "care" about me it was all fake. No one has ever loved me and everyone has just abandoned me. I posted a concerning tweet over a month ago

Now all of a sudden someone is bothered by my concerning tweet over a month ago lmao. Jokes on them I haven't been active on Twitter for a month (just nosing here and there) and my date is now set yay

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Yeah after my evening I definitely did reconsider. Now I have had a random reporting me for my last tweet which was over a month ago. Thankfully Twitter only send a message of concern but the fact that I'm getting it now is like wtf. Making me ready for my date set all the more. How dare someone report me from a month ago, jokes on the all I got sent was the hotlines to contact.

Thank you for talking with me, it was nice speaking to someone :)
no, people do not care about me lol. Even if they did "care" about me it was all fake. No one has ever loved me and everyone has just abandoned me.View attachment 36911

Now all of a sudden someone is bothered by my concerning tweet over a month ago lmao. Jokes on them I haven't been active on Twitter for a month (just nosing here and there) and my date is now set yay

"please know that there are people out there who care about you, and you are not alone" what a bunch of assholes using emotional blackmail to keep people from ctb and yes we are alone because if you breath one word of suicide no matter how rational you put it they refuse to listen to reason because in society it´s all about keeping people alive at all cost no matter how much they suffer or are kept artificially alive by machines because they are braindead as long as the heart beats society wins, fucking morons.

And hail July hopefully that will be my month too so I can be freed from this flesh prison life isn´t fun or exciting anymore it´s only endless suffering.

 

[Pan]

Who knew. I was so upset tonight that I did a thing which made me sure that I need to go soon. I had a friend who hanged herself so there's no reason I cannot. Plus, as anyone knows who has been in contact with my posts, I am too devastated by people I've cared about and who've abandoned me. At least now I can take some time to come up with a decent note. The note will however be explicit. I get that sounds selfish, but you need to trust me that it's better to be highlighted in my note, than me leaving it out.
Omg I just got an email from twitter from someone who is apparently worried about me. My last suicidal post was about over a month back. God knows who it was who reported me, but I've had no post or message recently to try talk to me lol. I'm actually shocked.

Nothing you have described sounds selfish at all; in fact, you seem mindful and very caring about others, to the point where it hurts. You strike me, intuitively, as a giver to others. I know you may disagree, but rest comfortably in the knowledge that you have done your best in this life...on to the multiverse!

 

[Starpeople]

You might feel now that you are not cared about and that can be a very painful feeling. The most important person to have a meaningful relationship with is yourself. Start focusing not on others' care for you but your own. Take a long hot bath with some candles and play some relaxing music... make some hot tea... write some poetry, sign up for a cooking class or join a book club. I'm sure that you have something that you enjoy in this world and I'm sure that there is someone out there who can't wait to love everything about you and will cherish you through it all. :) You are needed and you have a greater purpose than you know.

 

[Acerakis]

I hope you manage to do what you need, whatever choice that is.

 

[sufferingalways]

Hi sweetie you're mistaken that nobody loves you. I do. With more than words can say. Hugs xxx

 

[Amnesty]

Whatever you choose may it bring you peace. ❤

 

[TAW122]

I share the same sentiments as you do in regards to the people who reported you and the (fake) concerns that those virtue signalers give! Anyways, I wish you peace during the interim and hope things work out for you.

 

[GoBack]

Since you came here you've been funny and loyal and understanding and kind, Anyone with a soul would be happy to have you in their life.

Fuck the people who've already let you down and could only be arsed to send a Bot to check on you when you're in trouble. Much love bananas

 

[Bct]

I admit I'll be sad to see you go since we've been talking for a while, but I won't force you to stay alive if it's too unbearable for you.

I understand the pain of being abandoned & loneliness, and at this point it's normal to think if people are truly care or just faking it. I also don't know if anyone ever consider me as their best friend, because in the end some of my friends are just stay silent when I need their ears.

Wish you a peaceful journey & good luck in whatever you decide. If you decide to stay alive, you'll still have us.

 

[RileyTanaka]

Being abandoned repeatedly starts to feel like you're just trash being thrown away, at least for me. I know the feeling and have come to expect it, so I stop giving. They tell themselves it's not their responsibility to keep you in their lives or help you, then act surprised once you're gone. It's mad but it just goes to show you how pathetic and limited people really are. I'm sorry you're feeling the brunt of it. In any case, I hope you're making the decision that's best for you, and not because of others' lack of care.

 

[TheSkyIsBlue]

what a bunch of assholes using emotional blackmail to keep people from ctb and yes we are alone because if you breath one word of suicide no matter how rational you put it they refuse to listen to reason because in society it´s all about keeping people alive at all cost no matter how much they suffer or are kept artificially alive by machines because they are braindead as long as the heart beats society wins, fucking morons.

Yeah. They know shit. If people really cared for me, I wouldn't be suicidal.

Who knew. I was so upset tonight that I did a thing which made me sure that I need to go soon. I had a friend who hanged herself so there's no reason I cannot. Plus, as anyone knows who has been in contact with my posts, I am too devastated by people I've cared about and who've abandoned me. At least now I can take some time to come up with a decent note. The note will however be explicit. I get that sounds selfish, but you need to trust me that it's better to be highlighted in my note, than me leaving it out.

Whatever will be your decision, I hope you will feel better.

 

[madbananas]

"please know that there are people out there who care about you, and you are not alone" what a bunch of assholes using emotional blackmail to keep people from ctb and yes we are alone because if you breath one word of suicide no matter how rational you put it they refuse to listen to reason because in society it´s all about keeping people alive at all cost no matter how much they suffer or are kept artificially alive by machines because they are braindead as long as the heart beats society wins, fucking morons.

And hail July hopefully that will be my month too so I can be freed from this flesh prison life isn´t fun or exciting anymore it´s only endless suffering.

Exactly, my tweet was mid April before I found this forum lol and they are reporting it now. I literally haven't interacted on twitter since then so I could be dead anyway for all they know lmao.
Agree with everything you've written, it's all about keeping people alive and not doing anything to help relieve their actual pain.

Nothing you have described sounds selfish at all; in fact, you seem mindful and very caring about others, to the point where it hurts. You strike me, intuitively, as a giver to others. I know you may disagree, but rest comfortably in the knowledge that you have done your best in this life...on to the multiverse!

thank you. I suppose I am, even reflects my chosen career path! Sadly in that career path if you've had or have problems with mental health then there is a lot of stigma from staff. The service users love me though!

I hope you manage to do what you need, whatever choice that is.

Thank you :)

Being abandoned repeatedly starts to feel like you're just trash being thrown away, at least for me. I know the feeling and have come to expect it, so I stop giving. They tell themselves it's not their responsibility to keep you in their lives or help you, then act surprised once you're gone. It's mad but it just goes to show you how pathetic and limited people really are. I'm sorry you're feeling the brunt of it. In any case, I hope you're making the decision that's best for you, and not because of others' lack of care.

That is exactly how I feel too. I need to stop giving and I wish I didn't care as much about people who clearly don't bother about me (apart from to report me to twitter over a month after a suicidal tweet lol).

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Exactly, my tweet was mid April before I found this forum lol and they are reporting it now. I literally haven't interacted on twitter since then so I could be dead anyway for all they know lmao.
Agree with everything you've written, it's all about keeping people alive and not doing anything to help relieve their actual pain.

They are just virtue signalling if they didn´t think about you for months they don´t really care they just want to be viewed as good people..

 

[madbananas]

You might feel now that you are not cared about and that can be a very painful feeling. The most important person to have a meaningful relationship with is yourself. Start focusing not on others' care for you but your own. Take a long hot bath with some candles and play some relaxing music... make some hot tea... write some poetry, sign up for a cooking class or join a book club. I'm sure that you have something that you enjoy in this world and I'm sure that there is someone out there who can't wait to love everything about you and will cherish you through it all. :) You are needed and you have a greater purpose than you know.

thank you. I've been incredibly numb today after my distress last night. Thankfully the distress is gone and I can see more clearly. It's horrible though because people like myself who have been bullied, abused etc throughout their lives just get punished further with self-hatred etc. What kind of deal is that haha

 

[Acerakis]

thank you. I've been incredibly numb today after my distress last night. Thankfully the distress is gone and I can see more clearly. It's horrible though because people like myself who have been bullied, abused etc throughout their lives just get punished further with self-hatred etc. What kind of deal is that haha

Glad to hear the distress is gone at least.

 

[madbananas]

They are just virtue signalling if you didn´t think about you for months they don´t really care they just want to be viewed as good people..

Definitely. It's almost laughable to be honest. if the person who did it is a colleague of mine they will probably screenshot their report and put it in their portfolio to get them up the ladder lol

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Definitely. It's almost laughable to be honest. if the person who did it is a colleague of mine they will probably screenshot their report and put it in their portfolio to get them up the ladder lol

In fact one of my little brothers new a guy who´s two child step siblings died from being crushed by a haybale and he milked the shit out of it and got sympathies from everyone it´s horrible some people use other people´s deaths like that.

 

[Pan]

Who knew. I was so upset tonight that I did a thing which made me sure that I need to go soon. I had a friend who hanged herself so there's no reason I cannot. Plus, as anyone knows who has been in contact with my posts, I am too devastated by people I've cared about and who've abandoned me. At least now I can take some time to come up with a decent note. The note will however be explicit. I get that sounds selfish, but you need to trust me that it's better to be highlighted in my note, than me leaving it out.
Omg I just got an email from twitter from someone who is apparently worried about me. My last suicidal post was about over a month back. God knows who it was who reported me, but I've had no post or message recently to try talk to me lol. I'm actually shocked.

Please reconsider, madbananas. I just sense that you have much more to give before you go.

 

[FriendofDeath]

Sending you light and love on your journey! I hope you find peace. We'll be here for you, whatever you decide.

 

[madbananas]

Since you came here you've been funny and loyal and understanding and kind, Anyone with a soul would be happy to have you in their life.

Fuck the people who've already let you down and could only be arsed to send a Bot to check on you when you're in trouble. Much love bananas

Thank you, that is really kind. It's just the fact that I was in trouble about a month and a half ago and it's only now they've reported me to the Twitter suicide bot lol. It's hilarious yet makes me so angry at the same time.

Hi sweetie you're mistaken that nobody loves you. I do. With more than words can say. Hugs xxx

Thank you, I'll message you soon (Been regenerating my energy haha) Hugs xxx

Whatever you choose may it bring you peace. ❤

Thank you :)

I admit I'll be sad to see you go since we've been talking for a while, but I won't force you to stay alive if it's too unbearable for you.

I understand the pain of being abandoned & loneliness, and at this point it's normal to think if people are truly care or just faking it. I also don't know if anyone ever consider me as their best friend, because in the end some of my friends are just stay silent when I need their ears.

Wish you a peaceful journey & good luck in whatever you decide. If you decide to stay alive, you'll still have us.

thank you Bct. It's a horrible feeling and I'm sorry that you also go through it. Had a "friend" that would literally speak to me about her problems for 6 hours over the phone and then say to me "I'm your pal not your patient" when I said something she didn't like. She then gave me a list of things I should change in order for us to continue being friends. I ended that friendship there and then, which is really unlike me.

Sending you light and love on your journey! I hope you find peace. We'll be here for you, whatever you decide.

thank you, it's looking like I'm going to push the date back as I have my final essay result coming out on 22nd

 

[GoBack]

Thank you, that is really kind. It's just the fact that I was in trouble about a month and a half ago and it's only now they've reported me to the Twitter suicide bot lol. It's hilarious yet makes me so angry at the same time.

Yeah it's really a sign of the blatant lack of awareness so many people have. Hilarious but scary, also a sign of the times though. How human contact has changed from social media. If I got a bot alert for being suicidal I'd have to laugh. It's sad for them that they care so little and are so fucking stupid that they think that's enough to help somebody.

I'll say it again, You have a good heart and there's a place for you out there, once some normality is back

 

[madbananas]

Yeah it's really a sign of the blatant lack of awareness so many people have. Hilarious but scary, also a sign of the times though. How human contact has changed from social media. If I got a bot alert for being suicidal I'd have to laugh. It's sad for them that they care so little and are so fucking stupid that they think that's enough to help somebody.

I'll say it again, You have a good heart and there's a place for you out there, once some normality is back

thank you, I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to go back out now haha I've ruined everything with everyone from not responding to messages for over a month now. In my area, lockdown restrictions are easing and I don't even have a reason to go out. I've decided to push my date back anyway though, I forgot in the midst of my distress I have an essay result coming on 22nd and I'm intrigued as to whether or not I passed. Now I'm just laying in bed all day like a numb heavy lump.

 

[GoBack]

I've nowhere to go either, but then I hadn't before lockdown either. It's safe to say that during this period of incubation and reflection I have learned nothing. Good luck with your results, didn't you have a job you really wanted?

 

[madbananas]

I've nowhere to go either, but then I hadn't before lockdown either. It's safe to say that during this period of incubation and reflection I have learned nothing. Good luck with your results, didn't you have a job you really wanted?

I feel the same. In fact, I've learned that I don't belong in society, that's what I've learned. I was kidding myself before, trying to fit in and then when that failed hoping I'd be accepted for being myself. That didn't work either. It's better for me and others that I am hidden. Out of sight out of mind.
I was offered the job I really wanted but the condition was that I complete college by October which is now physically impossible because of what I have left to do at college. People at the college deemed me too ill to be on placement and refused to find me a placement when I was medically deemed fit. I wasn't even ill in the first place, I went majorly angry which I turned in on myself after a year of them treating me like crap. And then they gaslit me by saying it's all because I'm mentally ill. I mean, I have experience with depression and anxiety, but I hate it when people use that against me to divert away from their own poor behaviour.

 

[GoBack]

That's bollox. At least maybe some of them people will be out of a job now cause of all this, mean I know but they would deserve it.
This is such a weird time. If I had my physical health though I would love a job now, any job. I just miss being out in the world, and honestly fuck anyone who thinks you don't fit in. Who wants to fit in with the twitter bot brigade anyway

 

[Starpeople]

I just logged onto my computer from a few days of break. I hope that everything is okay.

 

[jgm63]

thank you, I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to go back out now haha I've ruined everything with everyone from not responding to messages for over a month now. In my area, lockdown restrictions are easing and I don't even have a reason to go out. I've decided to push my date back anyway though, I forgot in the midst of my distress I have an essay result coming on 22nd and I'm intrigued as to whether or not I passed. Now I'm just laying in bed all day like a numb heavy lump.

You could always respond to messages and apologise for delayed response, saying that you've been going through a difficult time.
Those that don't accept the apology might not be worth knowing....

 

[FriendofDeath]

I feel the same. In fact, I've learned that I don't belong in society, that's what I've learned. I was kidding myself before, trying to fit in and then when that failed hoping I'd be accepted for being myself. That didn't work either. It's better for me and others that I am hidden. Out of sight out of mind.
I was offered the job I really wanted but the condition was that I complete college by October which is now physically impossible because of what I have left to do at college. People at the college deemed me too ill to be on placement and refused to find me a placement when I was medically deemed fit. I wasn't even ill in the first place, I went majorly angry which I turned in on myself after a year of them treating me like crap. And then they gaslit me by saying it's all because I'm mentally ill. I mean, I have experience with depression and anxiety, but I hate it when people use that against me to divert away from their own poor behaviour.

I was just looking back at this and wanted to be sure you knew my emoticon was in response to your situation, not to you as a person.