reiII
maybe there's something more
- Dec 5, 2023
- 54
i was doing so good for a few months. i was feeling so good.
but people are so cruel. its in their nature. and people are always going to lie and people are always going to leave me. on the other side of it im always going to hurt people. it's been years and i am the same bad person as before. so people are always going to leave me. and they lie to my face that they won't. i don't call them liars because they're polite. but it's only a matter of time. i have to leave everyone before they leave me.
i'm staying away from home right now and my SN is at home.... not like i have all the other meds needed yet but it disturbs me to be so far away. im imagining it now. taking everything i need to and walking into the forest until i get dizzy and can't anymore. the forest is beautiful. maybe it'd calm me down.
everyone is going to leave me. maybe ill have another good streak and then end up back here when it's over. but everytime i lose i get closer to just ending it, so that's good i guess.
here's how i feel if any of the people sending me mean things find this one day: i hate you all. i hope you feel bad for what your "reasonable rude messages" did to me. they were a lot more than that. you told me to rot in a ditch. you made fun of me for being scared. i don't care if you hated me. why would you say that to another human being who never hurt you. i hate you. and i hate everyone. everyone hurts me so badly
i don't nnoe if fujin js epic and hot anymore. he reninds me too much of you all. i don't know who i am anymore. i have no identity
i hope a bear comes and mauls me or something so i don't have to make an elaborate scientific ctb plan anymore it just happens and i die
maybe i deserve a gruesome death full of fear like that
but people are so cruel. its in their nature. and people are always going to lie and people are always going to leave me. on the other side of it im always going to hurt people. it's been years and i am the same bad person as before. so people are always going to leave me. and they lie to my face that they won't. i don't call them liars because they're polite. but it's only a matter of time. i have to leave everyone before they leave me.
i'm staying away from home right now and my SN is at home.... not like i have all the other meds needed yet but it disturbs me to be so far away. im imagining it now. taking everything i need to and walking into the forest until i get dizzy and can't anymore. the forest is beautiful. maybe it'd calm me down.
everyone is going to leave me. maybe ill have another good streak and then end up back here when it's over. but everytime i lose i get closer to just ending it, so that's good i guess.
here's how i feel if any of the people sending me mean things find this one day: i hate you all. i hope you feel bad for what your "reasonable rude messages" did to me. they were a lot more than that. you told me to rot in a ditch. you made fun of me for being scared. i don't care if you hated me. why would you say that to another human being who never hurt you. i hate you. and i hate everyone. everyone hurts me so badly
i don't nnoe if fujin js epic and hot anymore. he reninds me too much of you all. i don't know who i am anymore. i have no identity
i hope a bear comes and mauls me or something so i don't have to make an elaborate scientific ctb plan anymore it just happens and i die
maybe i deserve a gruesome death full of fear like that
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