Venting self psychological torture

[skies]

does anyone else try to torture themselves psychologically?

as in, starving myself, not letting myself sleep, forcing myself to cry, or ruining my mood on purpose if it's even somewhat decent

i don't fucking know why i do this to myself, and i can't even leave this world, it feels like my soul is fading away and im just letting my life tick away slowly

i have no motivation, drive, cares or wants in this world anymore, how am i supposed to endure 60 more years of this shit, please free me from this empty jail cell

 

[Worndown]

This sounds like that downward spiral.
If you cannot leave, maybe try to stay.
Have you sought any help? You would probably have inpatient care. That might help slow these problems.

 

[CantTurnBack]

Sounds reminiscent of self-sabotaging, and I'm sure many could relate. For me it comes with the territory of little to no self-worth.

 

[skies]

This sounds like that downward spiral.
If you cannot leave, maybe try to stay.
Have you sought any help? You would probably have inpatient care. That might help slow these problems.

i feel like im too far gone to want help, i don't care enough anymore

 

[ladidabi]

I feel you on that one. At some point pain is the only thing that brings us comfort. Currently going on the same path, and hopefully soon enough I can get to the point of simply disappearing. The pain is seriously overbearing, and self-sabotaging brings some kind of pain to distract the psychological problems.

 

[pole]

these are self-defeating behaviours.

do you get pleasure from doing this?

for context, my method for self harm is engaging in self-defeating behaviours (emotional masochism). I get satisfaction when I put myself in certain situations that are self-destructive, eliciting negative emotions to feel this high and punish myself at the same time.

for me, self-inflicting emotional pain and suffering is addictive. it cuts deeper for me than physical self-harm ever has. at the same time, it will break you into pieces and destroy you slowly. over time, you will lose yourself.

I guess it depends. perhaps you do it instinctively, some type of coping mechanism or something. for others, including myself, we do it because we get off on feeling negative emotions.

 

[AInilam]

Sounds like a bad case of intrusive thoughts. I can relate, I don't do it intentionally but sometimes I get gripped by the urge to just sulk especially after a traumatic memory randomly crosses my mind. It's especially persistent when I'm actually enjoying myself but as of late my mind has been strangely calm and quiet. A few negative thoughts still bubble up to the surface but they've become rare and far in-between. I find what helps me is reasoning with them, by talking myself down and giving myself grace. I hope in time these thoughts will cease for you and instead be replaced with peace and contentment, best wishes to you op.

 

[skies]

these are self-defeating behaviours.

do you get pleasure from doing this?

for context, my method for self harm is engaging in self-defeating behaviours (emotional masochism). I get satisfaction when I put myself in certain situations that are self-destructive, eliciting negative emotions to feel this high and punish myself at the same time.

for me, self-inflicting emotional pain and suffering is addictive. it cuts deeper for me than physical self-harm ever has. at the same time, it will break you into pieces and destroy you slowly. over time, you will lose yourself.

I guess it depends. perhaps you do it instinctively, some type of coping mechanism or something. for others, including myself, we do it because we get off on feeling negative emotions.

no but i dont deserve pleasure nor happiness, i just feel like an empty void, i dont know why i do it

 

[F@#$]

i feel like im too far gone to want help, i don't care enough anymore

Me neither.