Help self poisoning - should I tell my therapist?

[apearl]

I've been overdosing occasionally on old depression meds I had laying around that I never took, like 15-20 pills (not ssris/snris). I then throw up and feel really awful for a day and then go back to normal. Recently I bought a pint of vodka and did the exact same thing. 4 shots on a empty stomach in like 20 minutes (with no tolerance). I knew it was going to fuck me over and I still did it. I've done it with anxiety meds too. I've never even gotten high/drunk in a "good" way before. I can't be normal around substances I just need them to hurt me as much as possible.

I've been thinking of telling my therapist about it but I'm worried if I do that then I'll never get a prescription which could be helpful for future ctb attempts. Also I'm worried if I do get better then I'll have a record of substance abuse on my medical file which might bar me from stuff, idk.

 

[Yuri440]

Not sure where you're located, so I can't give exacts around the prescription side of things you mention. I suppose it depends on how comfortable you feel with them and what you expect from it? For me personally, I told them that I was doing the same kind of thing, and for me it was because I kind of wanted to ctb but at the same time just wanted to kind of feel anything.

Even when I'm at the worst with my mental health and I've told them I'm suicidal, they simply changed it to getting weekly prescriptions so that I can't easily just take a lot of them when I feel like it. Maybe something like that could benefit you? I got a week, put them in one of those contains with the days of the week on them to make sure I could easily remember if I took them, then that way it was out of my mind for the most part.

Ultimately though, it's your choice. If you feel comfortable with them and want their support, I'd probably tell them honestly.

Good luck <3

 

[apearl]

I told them that I was doing the same kind of thing, and for me it was because I kind of wanted to ctb but at the same time just wanted to kind of feel anything.

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one doing this bc I felt really alone in it.

Even when I'm at the worst with my mental health and I've told them I'm suicidal, they simply changed it to getting weekly prescriptions so that I can't easily just take a lot of them when I feel like it. Maybe something like that could benefit you? I got a week, put them in one of those contains with the days of the week on them to make sure I could easily remember if I took them, then that way it was out of my mind for the most part.

Thank's for the input, I am hoping if I do tell her it'll end up like that. Sorry you have gone thru something similar too. I hope the pain lessens for u soon.

 

[Yuri440]

Appreciate the kind words friend <3

You'd be surprised how common some things like this are. I felt kind of alone with the things I struggled with for a long time. It wasn't until recently doing an autism support group that I realised others feel the same and have the same struggles. You got this, whether you decide to tell your therapist or not. Progress with therapy is slow, and hopefully you'll get to a point where you're happy with it <3